


You never knew me, and neither did I

by Satsuki_Miya



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Blood, Child Abuse, Depression, Desperate Karma, Eating Disorders, Everything is meaningless, Family, Family Problems, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, I love making my favourite characters suffer is that normal, Karma is so miserable, Karma is still depressed, Nagisa and Nakamura are doing their best, Pain, Pretending To Be Okay, Suffering, Suicidal Thoughts, Trust Issues, injured Karma, overprotective Koro-sensei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-22 17:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 52,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7447975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satsuki_Miya/pseuds/Satsuki_Miya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akabane Karma. The sadistic and yet caring boy. The one who defended the weak from shadows. No matter what, he was their friend. The part of their class, a family. And while no one thought so, he was also someone they knew nothing about. It wasn't until he collapsed that they realized that there was something wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is from fanfiction net  
> Hello, my name is Satsuki and I'm 16 years old. I don't consider myself to be a good writer but I will do my best. Since English is my 3rd language, there will surely be grammar mistakes!
> 
> About this fanfiction:  
> It's about Karma and his hardships (made up by me, of course). The manga doesn't really focus on him so much and he's my favourite character so I want to write about him. Also, I'm kind of a sadist so it's gonna be angsty XD
> 
> Note: When I do a horizontal line, it indicates the time difference - like few hours/ days later, or change of P.O.V. (Point of view)
> 
> Alright, shall we begin?

* * *

"Akabane" It read. My house plate, I mean.

I stood before an enormous mansion in the outskirts of this town, dully taking out the keys and opening the doors.

I stepped into this dark place to get welcomed by nothing at all. My parents were working after all. They didn't have the time to stay here and take care of their only son with the large sum of money they have made by working overseas for four years straight. Wow, it has been so long already? I was surpised I still remembered their faces.

Well, whatever. Being on my own all the time was fine. I could do whatever I wanted. I could go wherever I wanted. And there was no one to nag me about the chores or anything else. It was easy, they just sent me money every week so that I could buy what I needed. No need to call. Coz I was 'the genious', mature and understanding son capable of living all by myself since my 12, wasn't I? And it's not like I was worth their attention anyway.

Walking up the stairs, I headed to my room. It was spacious though more or less empty if I didn't count the books, bed and table in there. Throwing my bag onto the floor, I burried myself into the bed.

The class was fun. The kids tried to kill that octopus teacher by making him eat some strange food that even a moron wouldn't dare touch. Of course he did eat it but the only thing it did was crook his face. And while he was talking with them, teaching them about the poisons, I started shooting. Sure it startled both him and the others but it was fun as everyone else joined me.

PE was fine too. Karasuma-sensei made us run throught the mountain while being tied to someone else. I got Nagisa-kun as my partner and hell, he was slow. But that's understandable, considering his... size. In the end, we made it.

I grinned. I liked that place. Much more than this empty prison. And that's why I stood up and took some random book, going out. Anywhere was better than here. Maybe I could go to the park. It was only three p.m. and there was still daylight. Considering it was October, I had like four more hours until it would get completly dark. Good.

But it turned out that I have rushed things too much. Autumn was a rather cold season and a shirt with a single blazer just wasn't warm enough.

Having read the book, which was about Japanese history by the way, for almost three hours, my eyes got tired. I stood up and started walking without having a certain aim in my mind.

I looked up at the cloudy sky. It was going to rain. And just as I predicted, it did.

Rain was nice. Tender, washing away everything that's heaving your mind. Closing my eyes, I let it fall on me and tried to concentrate on the sensation of drops hitting my face. It made me remember that I was still alive, still capable of feeling. It actually has been some time since I felt something.

I was soaked and so was my book. In no way did I mind. I hated it. My parents gave it to me when I was 9 or so.

Throwing it somewhere to the grass, I smiled.

The streets were empty, no people walking around. Of course they wouldn't, what kind of idiot would go out in this kind of weather? Except for me, that is. And even though I knew it was stupid, I still stood there and enjoyed the rain.

Cold.

Yeah, I was used to it. Cold nights spent alone. Cold rain which was now my only confidant. The me who got so accostumed to the cold that it became the very part of my existence. I wonder when it was that I became like this?

* * *

Eight o'clock and I just finished taking a shower. My homework was still waiting to be done though I knew I wouldn't do it. Not today. I just didn't feel like it. Actually the only thing I did feel up to was to sleep.

Screw homework. I was gonna sleep.

* * *

"KARMA-KUN! WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE YOUR HOMEWORK?! DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD SENSEI IS? AND HE DID HIS BEST TO THINK OF IT!"

"Karma," Isogai-kun sighed with a nervous smile.

"I think you just started an hour enfilled with tears and complaints of Koro-sensei." Nagisa scratched his head.

And I just couldn't think of any other response but to give him a smile. One that would say that I didn't regret anything and that I was enjoying it a lot. Maybe I was. But I didn't feel any joy at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys don't find it too boring, I promise it will get better eventually! :D  
> Enjoy!

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

Koro-sensei spent ten minutes crying about Karma-kun's behaviour but then carried on teaching. It was a break now so he went into his office. In seven minutes he would be starting his science lesson.

Having prepared the textbooks for the next period, I turned back to my friend: "Karma-kun, where were you yesterday? I tried calling you but you never picked up."

The redhead seemed a little surprised: "Oh, yesterday? Sorry, I went out for food and forgot the phone home." he shrugged it off with his usual smile. Though I couldn't decide on this one - was it happy or gloomy? It looked like everything together.

"Anyway, what did you need?" The boy asked, leaning on his chair.

Shaking my head, I said: "It's nothing, I just wanted to ask about the homework."

"Oh. Kind of late."

"Yeah."

And then there was awkward silence.

Even though the two of us were good friends, sometimes we just didn't know what to talk about. And Karma-kun wasn't the type to talk about himself. That was the problem - none of us had enough of 'chatterboxness' to keep a conversation going. Sighing, I randomly said: "I wonder how to kill Sensei today?"

My friend looked at me and mischievously smiled: "What about you guys make him another meal? With me providing the ingredients, of course." and I could already imagine what all he would add there. Chili. Lemon. Sand. Cockroaches. Anti-sensei blades cut into tiny pieces. Even though it wasn't such a bad idea (that with cut blades, not the other things), we both knew none of that would work.

"Why so silent!" Sugino suddenly appeared, followed with Nakamura and Kataoka.

"You really like teasing Koro-sensei, don't you?" Nakamura gave the red haired boy a grin.

"It's fun," Karma admitted. "why don't you try? I think it would actually make that octopus break down." and he said it with obvious amuse in his voice.

Really, some people just never changed.

* * *

The next day:

Today, Karma-kun didn't come to school. I wrote him a text but he hasn't replied yet. I guess he was ditching again - it wasn't unusual. Though him not replying was. Normally I would get something like: "I'm sleeping." or "Tell me when it's fun." from him but today - nothing. Maybe he hasn't woken up yet?

Ah really, that friend of mine was a real genious. He could skip countless of lessons and he would still be in the top of our class, school even. I was a little jealous but instead of holding grudge or being envious, I did my best to improve too.

"Does anyone know where Karma-kun is?" Koro-sensei asked as the first period started. He looked at me since it was only me who Karma texted to or who dared to text him.

"I have no idea, sensei." And with that, he sighed. We all got used to Karma's absence at school and didn't think about it that much. I mean, he was Karma. The rebelious, sadistic devil-genious. No matter how lazy he was, he just wouldn't do stupid things or kill time by doing nothing at all. He was too smart for that. And we knew it.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

I felt like shit. Staring at the white ceiling, my mind went completly blank. I just suddenly felt like shit, like a crap left out in the north pole trampled by a herd of sheeps then dissolved by acid and used as manure. Damn, I wasn't even making sense anymore.

I was supposed to be sitting in the classroom now. Everything was so weird. I loved that place, the friendly enviroment and the feeling of having someone around you. And yet I was still rotting in this big cage as if there was something that didn't want to let me go. Did I mention I wasn't making any sense?

Even sitting up seemed impossible to me. Really, such a pain. For some reason, I found myself on the ground this morning and then realized that I had fallen asleep on the pile of books yesterday. Don't get me wrong - I had nothing to do so decided to read something. My phone ran out of battery so I had to charge it. My games were lost somewhere in my wardrobe and I was too lazy to dig it out. The TV was in the living room and sitting in that room made me want to scream to drown out the emptiness. So books were the only option left.

"Ah, seriously." I cursed myself underbreath, finally pulling myself from the cold wooden floor. I should have at least closed the window yesterday. It was cold.

Standing up, I sighed at my pathetic self and reached out for the phone. Two messages.

The first one was from two hours ago, when the class started. I have actually been doing nothing for almost two hours, huh? Anyway, I started reading it.

_From: Nagisa-kun_  
Subject: School  


_Karma-kun, are you skipping again?_

His questions were always the same: "Are you skipping again? Are you bored again?" and then "You shouldn't skip. Don't be so lazy. You are so irresponsible."

Yeah sure, but maybe I wasn't always ditching intentionally. It happens a lot to me that I wake up and suddenly space out, forgeting where I am, what time it is or that I have to go somewhere. Though it would be a lie to say I never stayed home to escape the boring lessons.

The second one was also from Nagisa but this time it didn't have the sound of accusion:

_From: Nagisa-kun_  
Subject: Hello?  


_Are you okay?_

It kind of surprised me so I texted him back:

_Yeah, sure. Why?_

To be honest, the question made me smile a little. It was nice to have a friend who would care for you.

In about a minute, I got a reply:

_You just didn't answer so I wondered if there is something wrong. I'm glad you're okay. But don't skip too much._

"I will try," I whispered and falling back to the floor.

Tired. Drained. Maybe hurting. It just felt like I have been beaten up by a bunch of gansters. Maybe I should go eat something, it has been some time since I had a decent meal. Maybe that was also the reason I felt so weak. But then I would have to get up. Nah. I could sleep it through. And in the halls of our house, nothing but darkness awaited me.

I could sleep this through. For sure, everything would be okay again and I would go to the class again, laughing and talking with my friends. Thinking of pretty ways to kill the octopus. Doing assasination trainings with them.

I could get through this.


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

It has been two days and Karma-kun was still skipping the class. Which means he has been absent for three days already. I wonder if he finally comes today? It actually started worrying me. What if he had troubles at home? Or if he had fallen sick? No matter how many times I asked him, he would just answer the same. When I questioned him the second day, he texted me: "I'm just trying to finish this game." Then he said that he overslept and that there was no point in going to the class.

His excuses and carefree attitude were something I got accostumed to but still didn't like.

However, as I went up the hill, I spotted the familiar red hair. Running towards it, I called: "Karma-kun! Wait!"

And he stopped for a while and turned back, greeting me: "Hey, shrimp."

"Please, don't call me a shrimp. I'm not that small." Chuckling, I responded. It was so nice seeing him again.

"Yeah, right. You are tiny." and with that, he patted my head and compared our heights.

"Seriously," but I wasn't mad. These kind of jokes were something like our tradition.

As we made our way up, I started a conversation: "So... did you win the game?"

"Yep, kicked their butts!" Karma-kun claimed, looking really happy. It was so easy to forget that this boy was a devil. And that he was actually laughing at having skipped three days of school for one game. But seeing him like this made me genuinely glad.

"So what has been happening while I conquered my game?" He stopped fooling around.

Thinking back, there hasn't been anything significant but we learned a new theme in math and history. Also, Karasuma-sensei ordered us to run extra five labs every day because we were getting out of condition. But none of that could have been a trouble to the certain red head.

Having heard all that, my friend thanked me. By that time, we already reached the summit of the mountain and also our classroom.

Koro-sensei was standing before the doors. Waving at us. As he noticed Karma-kun, he ran towards him. I expected him to start lecturing Karma-kun, however the teacher just started crying crocodile tears and hugged the teen.

"Karma-kun~ why didn't you come? Sensei was really sad! Did you get tired of Sensei?" And while listening to his crying, Karma-kun took advantage of sensei letting down his guard and took out the rubber knife. That was enough of an answer. I noticed that late but Koro-sensei stopped him at his tracks.

"Here we go," taking the knife with a tissue, he returned it to my friend.

"Just wanted to try," Karma-kun tsked, making an annoyed grin.

Sensei patted his head: "Don't skip on class so much, Karma-kun. You won't be able to kill sensei after all."

"Sure, sure," He went ahead into to the class. This friend of mine was incredible. Just how could he not worry about anything at all and be so calm? In a certain way, I admired that ability. On the other hand I didn't want to get into trouble.

Sensei was still standing there though, looking at the backs of his student. He seemed to be thinking about something.

Realizing that the period was about to start in two minutes, I panicked: "Sensei! We have two minutes!" And with that, he joined me in panicking. Well, we went in and I ran towards my desk, preparing the books. Meanwhile, Kayano and Nakamura-san were talking with Karma, which kind of looked like they were scolding him. But as always, Karma was smiling with his 'whatever' face.

The first period started out horribly. We were given a math test from the new theme from two days ago! God, I haven't learned that properly yet!

* * *

Period number two and half of us was already resembling a bunch of zombies.

"I screwed up!" Okajima-kun yelled, holding his head in hands. "AAAAGHH"

"Me too," both me and Kimora-kun sighed.

"Is that the new thing you guys have been doing the three days? It wasn't that hard," Suddenly, Karma-kun stated. He was swinging on his chair which made me worry he would fall.

The ones who probably failed the quiz looked at him with a murderous gaze: "You shut up, genious." Yoshida-kun hissed, looking as if he wanted to hit the redhead. Whereas the devil himself just looked really amused.

"Now, now. Calm down," Kayano fortunately stopped them.

This was going to be a hard day.

* * *

Period number four - Home ec. We were to make a simple food, whatever kind. The aim was for it to be good and to be done in half an hour.

We could work in groupes so I, Kayano and Karma joined. We were making a plain dish with rice, vegetable soup and pan-fried meat. It went just well, the rice was still cooking, soup in proccess and now it was time to take care of the meat. Initially, Karma-kun was in charge of that but he suddenly needed to go to the toilet so Kayano took over. We still had ten minutes until the deadline so there was no pressure - unlike the other groupes. For example Terasaka and his bunch were burning something.

The time to show Koro-sensei our works was nearing and Karma-kun still hasn't returned. Did his stomach hurt? Either way, our homeroom teacher noticed his absence: "Where did Karma-kun go? I don't see him anywhere."

"He went to the restroom," I explained whilst taking the food into dish.

"Is that so," Sensei scratched his head.

Out of nowhere, Karma-kun's voice asked: "What? Did you miss me?" and both of us jumped in surprise.

"Sorry, sorry. I forgot that the two of you are scaredy-cats." And the remaning fifteen minutes, Koro-sensei was trying to convice Karma-kun that in no way he was scaredy cat.

Somehow, the conversation started with scaredy-cats ended with our teacher shouting out: "I am not an octopus ball controlled by ghost!"

Really, that Karma-kun had talent for confusing or throwing people off the guard.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

Goddamn this lesson. The smell of burning meat. The aromatic smell of onions and spices. It made me sick. I was able to hold on until I had to do the frying myself. The very moment I put the meat on the pan, I could see what would happen. I would throw up. And sure, If I didn't excuse myself, I would barf right there right then. Thanks god we have the restroom so near. But no matter how much I was gagging, nothing came out.

I don't know how much time passed but I had to come back or they would get suspicious. I glanced at myself in the mirror, cursing the pale complexion. I would need to distract them somehow or they would notice.

It went smoothly, such a good thing that the octopus was so easy to frustrate. Nagisa-kun's observation skills were also quite a problem so I intentionally showed him my backs only. And smiled when I faced him.

All I had to do was act naturaly. And noone would notice. Why would they even notice? I was the carefree, strong devil, wasn't I?

There was no way they would suspect anything.

Never.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma's depression doubling TT.TT

Karma's P.O.V.

"Alright! Stop!" Karasuma-sensei shouted, giving us the permission to cease running. Normally this much would be nothing to me but right now my head and lungs were killing me. Maybe it was the fatigue, I didn't sleep more than ten hours the last two weeks. It was just getting so hard to fall asleep. So many things whirled in my mind and even if I did drift into sleep, I would wake up in few minutes covered in cold sweat.

"Ah, this really is tough!" Nakamura-san was bent, supporting herself by hands on knees. Just like everyone else, she was puffing.

"But you still look fine, what are you? A monster?" She made a grimace. I was good at hiding feelings. I hated being weak or appearing so. The least thing I wanted right now was someone reminding me just how horribly I felt or looked.

"This isn't so bad, actually."

I felt Nagisa, Isogai, Maehara and Nakamura's stares on me. It wasn't a lie. This kind of excercise ~~was~~ would be nothing much to me. Though right now I would love to collapse to the ground and beat the crap out of my head. Stupid headache.

"We made it alive!" Isogai suddenly lifted both me and Maehara who stood next to me into a hug. He sure must have been really happy to finish this lesson.

"Hm?" He made a strange face as he put us down. Really, these kind of displays of happiness were annoying.

"Isogai, could you please stop picking people up? It's disturbing." Maehara plead, holding his side where he was grabbed.

However, the black head seemed in his own world: "That's weird."

"What is?" The brown head asked, looking at me. I too had no idea so we looked at the third one, awaiting an explanation for his cut off statement.

"Hey, you two are the same height, right?" He finally asked. This question made a little uneasy though.

"Yeah, 175 cm." The guy next to me answered. "Why?"

"It's just-" he looked at me: "Aren't you too light, Karma? You felt like a feather in comparison to Maehara." I raised an eyebrow. Was I? I didn't notice any difference between us.

Maehara suddenly shouted out: "ARE YOU SAYING I'M HEAVY?!"

"No-no-no! You are just fine but... Karma's concerning me." Isogai laughed a little half-heartedly, returning his attention to me. Hell, this was a pain. Why would they even care? It's not so important.

"What are you talking about? I'm just fine." that seemed to put them at ease. Maybe it was thanks to my carefree expression or calm voice. But Maehara just had to dig into that matter: "Well, he does look skinny."

"I have to agree," Nagisa-kun chuckled but I could hear slight worry in his voice. This situation was getting pretty crappy.

"You are the one to talk, Nagisa-kun. I'm not and besides-"

"I read the student files once," Nakamura suddenly spoke up which made me realize just how troublesome this could get. She was looking at me with fierce eyes, already suspecting something.

"- if I remember right, you weight 60 kg?" First of all, what of that. Secondly, why would she even read them?!

"Wow, dude. You are 7 kg ligher than me?!"

"Stupid, that was like one year ago? And either way, I could fight any of you and still win so what's the deal? I just have light bones," and with that, I waved my hand in the air and walked away, annoyed. This was absurd, what of my weight? I was alright and all, and there were many skinny people in our class. Honestly, I found my weight just fine. Not that I really cared.

The last time I weighed myself was at doctor's two months ago. He also complained about the same thing except for the fact that my actual right now was 57 kg. So yeah, maybe I was a little thin but I just found cooking or going out for food so bothersome - I mean, our house was in the outskirts. Far from the centre where shops were situated.

Putting things aside, this was the sixth period which means that now it was time for lunch. I could go buy something in the cateferia and eat it in the forest. We had just enough of time for that. So time to chill.

That's what I said but the dull pain in my head got even worse when I chewed the bought bread. Therefore I decided to put it aside and just relax a bit, hoping the headache would somehow disappear or at least ease.

Sitting on a tree, in an area where no one would disturbe you, was nice. It was still a little cold since I left my extra layers in the classroom but the breeze didn't bother me too much. There was no sharp light that would burn holes into my brain, instead a soft sunlight that managed to get through the three leaves welcomed me.

The quietness worked as a lullaby - maybe I would manage to get some real sleep in a long time? Losing the fight of consciousness, I closed my eyes and gave it a try.

That wasn't the best idea. When I came to, I found myself lying on the ground. Surprisingly I didn't wake up after hitting the ground from four meters but about five minutes later. Well the blackout was worth it. My head felt lighter and nothing seemed to matter anymore. I just lied there, watching the sky and the tree crowns.

October sure was pretty - yellow and red leaves, falling to the ground and making it look as though the sun itself was paying a visit to all of us down here. Just lying on the very color made me believe I belonged here, the sight of this golden paradise made me feel its warmth.

Though that was just an illusion.

I was just spacing out again.

Dreaming of impossible.

In this world where even your own parents didn't mean anything to you, warmth was just a lie. Everything was a lie. Even this class, these friendships are shallow. As long as you look happy, they will accept it and doubt or suspect nothing.

"Karma-kun!" Suddenly, a male voice called out. For some reason I didn't react.

"Karma-kun, what's wrong?!" It was Nagisa-kun, I recognised the voice. Right now, he was by my side, looking at me, worried.

Seeing this boy and his genuine concern, it was a little hard to stand my ground, to cling onto the cold view of mine about this whole world.

"Can you hear me? Karma-kun?! What's wrong?!" He was now waving his hand before my face.

Nagisa-kun was my friend, wasn't he? How long have we known each other? Three years? And yet all we knew about each other was the basic information. I was just as superficial as everyone else. But if this relationship was just a fake one, why would he be looking so scared right now? Why would he be screaming as if someone precious to him was hurt?

"Karma-ku-" Really, I just couldn't ignore him anymore.

"I'm okay," stopping his hand, I looked right into his blue eyes. That was all that it took to calm him down.

The latter let out a sight, letting his head fall on my chest: "Don't scare me like that, I thought something happened to you."

And I took advantage of that: "Eh? Nagisa-kun was worried about me? That's so nice from you, am I that special to you?"

And the blue-haired boy stood up, embarrased: "T-T-That's not it! But you are my friend! Of course I would worry!"

My face right now was probably empty, it felt empty and expressionless. Even the mocking smile I took on disappeared. Ah, how could I defy that gaze of his? The honest eyes that were telling me that in them, I still had some value? And yet, I just didn't believe any of it. Or more like didn't want to believe it. Believing meant becoming vulnerable. Because betrayal comes from none other than your friends.

"Karma-kun! Get up, we have Japanese in three minutes!" Nagisa-kun reminded me of the time. Was I out of it for so long?

Standing up took me longer than I would like, the fall might have left some bruises and the state my head was in right now could be described as... hazy.

And yet all of that stopped mattering to me. I just didn't care. I just had no idea how to cope with the feelings and with my body's inability to keep up. Maybe I was in already in some deep shit but I just no longer seemed to even try to do something with it.

Apathetic bastard.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter XD  
> It seems Karma has it hard :/

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

_3 a.m._

There was no noise at all. I closed the window today and for the first time in a really long time I was lying on my bed. And yet there was just no way I would fall asleep. Having been lying this way almost every day for the last month, I just had enough experience to say I wouldn't get any sleep that night.

Getting up, I looked out of the window. It was still dark though I could see some trace of sunlight breaking in. Maybe some fresh air would make me feel better. Help me from the feeling of suffocating.

The chilling air made me shiver. Even with a jacket, I still couldn't help but be cold. As I breathed out, small puffs of air came out.

I looked up to the sky. No stars. All I saw was the light of the lamps. Now I was watching the streets. No people whatsoever. Well of course no one would be out - it was past 3 a.m. after all.

Now it wasn't only my house that had no trace of life, it was like that in here too now. How come everywhere I went, the warmth disappeared?

For some reason, I felt anger building inside of me. How foolish, this silence was supposed to cool me off, to help me clear my head and stop the flow of negative thoughts. And yet it did the the exact opposite. Maybe it was the fact that the streets reminded me so much of the house. The feeling of loneliness, of darkness and emptiness. No people, no affection, just me and the cruel world.

I needed to punch something. With all of that bottled inside of me, even the smallest thing could trigger my rampaging. Now that I though about it, that might have been the reason I got suspended so much. Violence. It all sprang from the way I thought of this world. From the way I was taught to live and from all the disappointments that I experienced and did. And somehow, I started liking hurting others. How sick.

Seems like I wasn't really alone after all. There were sounds of men talking and soon I spotted them, seven altogether, standing before a local pub. Hearing their conversation, I deduced that they were really drunk. I wondered - should I avoid that noise or just ignore it? Was I in the mood to deal with some bastards slurring words and acting like animals? No, thanks.

I intended to (this once) peacefully walk away and proceed on killing the time. However, one of those pigs yelled: "Hey kiddo, whatcha doing here at this time?" And another one joined him: "It'z past bedtime for kids, sn't 't?"

And the rest of them laughed. Drunk idiots. I had no need to answer so I just confidently continued walking without reacting.

"Hey, ignoring us?" Judging from the tone, he was annoyed.

Ah, this was irritating.

"Seems like he wantz 's to teach him a proooper lesson!" And I knew that this wasn't going to get resolved rationaly. Oh well, since when was I the one to avoid fights? I grew up with them, I lived to fight.

"You guys want to be my punchbags?" Smiling, I turned at them. Nagisa-kun told me many times that this kind of smile was creepy, too cold and sadistic. And it described me just too well.

And sure, beating the crap out of them was fun. It was such a fun I completly forgot of what I was thinking just before. The sound of cracking bones, their shrieks painted in agony. I loved it so much. It drowned out my thoughts.

"Ahahaha!" I was madly laughing. At the surprised looks when I kicked one to the stomach, broke ribs to the second one and punched some others. Good. Good, good, good! Such a beautiful feeling!

_Bang_

And I felt a pain so sharp that it made my vision blurry. My head. As if the headaches weren't enough. And yet I was still laughing. The attacker noticed that too and furiously aimed at my head again. However I blocked it with an arm and sent him flying to the ground.

_Hot_

Blood sure was hot. It felt so nice in this chilly autumn morning that I almost wanted to bleed more. For the burning sensation, for the reminder that I was still alive.

Ahaha, such a wonderful day. I got to vent my anger. I got to touch that amazing liquid that meant life. Life - oh such a glorious and yet dreadful wish.

What brought me back to the earth was a sudden wave of dizziness followed by a sharp pain in my left arm. Although the wound on my forehead was bleeding a lot, I knew it wasn't that serious. Light concussion at most. And the arm - bruising probably. Damn, that old man didn't even hesitate to hit me with that bottle. Well I also didn't hesitate to kill them. So it was only fair.

Having silenced the bunch, I aimed back home. Now that I returned from the psycho state of mine, I realized just how troublesome this was. What would my classmates say if they saw this?

Well, I could skip so what's the deal.

* * *

In the end, I didn't skip. The enormous hateful house was enough of a reason for me to go. Before setting off for school, I had washed the blood away and took care of the injuries. I didn't want it to be shown so I only covered it with a band aid - almost unnoticable with my bangs so it was okay. About the hand, well, I had the blazer to cover the bandage.

Yeah, I could pull this off.

* * *

Koro-sensei's P.O.V

"And then you divide this number and add this one, you get four x." I turned back to see if they understood my teachings. My gaze stopped at the last desk though. Karma-kun wasn't paying attention, instead he had his head on the desk as if sleeping.

Suspicious~ Karma-kun never slept on classes. 

Silently approaching him, I intended to pull a prank on him but as soon as I noticed how he looked, I abandoned that plan. Poor little boy, he seemed so tired and he was shivering to that. Maybe the class was too cold? I could feel my head turn blue from shock. Should I wake him up? Send him home? What if he was sick?

Either way, I took a blanket and covered him with it.

"That idiot Karma is sleeping, huh." I heard Terasaka snicker.

"He must be tired, and if Koro-sensei agreed, we should let him rest up!" Okuda-san defended the red haired boy. Really, how sweet of her.

"Now, now, let's procceed with the lesson, shall we?" And with that, I walked back to the board.

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

English. Bitch-sensei was saying something about the best ways and phrases to seduce someone but my mind was on something else. Or someone else. Even though Karma-kun was already awake now, my worry just didn't cease. Was he really panting or was it my imagination? And his gaze seemed so unfocused.

Because of the distance between our seats, I just couldn't talk with him. And apparently I wasn't the only one who noticed Karma-kun's strange behaviour.

"What's wrong, kid?" Bitch-sensei asked, looking at my friend.

And at the very same time,

he fell from his chair.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Karma?? Will everyone finally find out?  
> Read and you will know XD Or not, I don't promise anything

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

"Karma-kun?!" both me and and Bitch-sensei called out. She ran towards him and I was about to do so too.

"Ouch," suddenly, Karma-kun muttered and as I walked up closer, I saw a chair with broken leg. Everyone stood up to see what has happened.

"That's one damn old chair," he complained, standing up. He was fine. He didn't... faint or anything like that.

Our teacher seemed relieved too: "Really, just a chair?"

"Go ask the chairman or someone get us some normal seats," said Karma-kun with an annoyed face.

This friend of mine... I was sure that one day, he would really give me heart attack.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

It was cold. Though it wasn't, I was just feeling cold. It was obvious I was coming down with a fever with how hot my face felt. And yet I was still freezing.

Hm... if I had closed the windows before going to sleep or if I have slept properly or didn't wander early in the mornings to get into fight with some drunkards, then maybe I wouldn't have got myself into this shitty state.

I had luck at the English lesson, that chair really was old so it only needed a little of pressure at the right place and it would break down. Perfect way to camouflage that small blackout of mine.

But apparently, my luck has ran out. PE. Two lessons in row. Just the first one was enough for me, somehow I survived the fighting, jumping and shooting. My accuracy got a lot worse (no surprise since my vision was all blurry). Right now we finished running ten laps as a warm up and I already knew that I wouldn't be able to keep up. At least I wasn't the only one like this - the whole class looked like they were about to drop dead.

It came down to sparring time with Karasuma-sensei. It was bad, he found out right away I wasn't in the best condition. And as I mentioned earlier, appearing weak was one of the things I despised the most.

"Are you okay, Karma-kun?" The bluenette asked me with worried eyes.

I smiled as usual: "Sure, though I think I could go home sleep now." It was meant to be sarcastic joke and it did sound like one. Though every word of it was truth.

"Seriously," he rolled his eyes.

Karasuma-sensei looked very disatisfied with our current abilities so he made us run another five laps as a penalty.

_Wonderful._

Ah, this was bad. My vision was getting all unfocused and I spaced out everytime, as if about to faint. What's even worse - everything started turning black and my body felt like floating. Definitely bad.

Two laps done with lungs burning. So now it was just three more.

While I thought it was impossible to even run another one, I managed to survive two rounds around our class. But to finish the third one, well, that I knew was impossible. If I didn't count my legs which wouldn't carry me anymore, there was still my horribly messed up head, that stupid fever that got even worse with the excercise and lack of sleep.

I just couldn't carry on anymore. Everything hurt.

Unable to catch breath, I walked out of the group of my classmates. Hazy. Everything was so hazy, my steps, my thoughts, the sounds. I didn't even percieve that someone was calling my name. The only thing I remembered was falling and hurting more than ever.

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

I knew there was something wrong with him. I knew the moment I saw him this morning when he gave me that strange smile of his. The one that wasn't neither cheerful nor gloomy, more like... lost.

I suspected something when I watched him in the class, the careful and heavy way he moved, his slow responses and lack of sarcasm.

And then when he hit the floor on English and blamed it on the leg of chair breaking, I was so relieved that I didn't notice his his pained face. The facade to hide how he was feeling. Or more like I didn't want to notice. Karma was supposed to be the strong, smart devil. I just wouldn't believe that there could be something wrong.

And yet, there was. And I realized that the moment my dear friend collapsed before my eyes.

"Karma-kun!" I screamed, running towards the red head.

Before he could hit the ground, something flashed before our eyes and caught him.

"Koro-sensei!" I called out as the teacher carefully laid Karma-kun down.

Everyone followed me, shocked by the sight. Even the Karasuma-sensei and Bitch-sensei seemed very worried, rushing to his side.

"What the hell? Such a fever!" the blond woman stated, hissing at the touch of my friend.

Koro-sensei looked the most troubled. He ran off somewhere and in no time was back with ice packs and a wet towel.

He made a concerned and nervous expression while putting some ice on Karma-kun's forehead and wiping his face with the cloth. That's when all of us noticed a band aid under his bangs. What all had happened that we didn't know about?!

Meanwhile, Karasuma checked his condition: "His pulse is too fast. Breathing rushed and shallow in a strange way. This doesn't seem like a mere cold."

I was scared. I have never seen Karma-kun like this and I didn't know what to do.

Our home room teacher got grip of himself and said: "For now, we should let Karma-kun rest." And with that, he lifted the boy and went to our class.

He then passed his student to Karasuma-sensei and disappeared for a while, returning with a sofa. I would have wondered where he took it from if my friend wasn't unconscious with something more than a cold.

"What happened to Karma-kun?" Okuda-san whispered, unsure of what to do. She surely looked horribly scared and so did everyone else.

"I don't know. But we will find out soon."

And I hoped that we really would. Because this person before me, my best friend, wasn't someone to tell anyone his problems, no matter how big. And it was only now that I realized.

* * *

Everyone wanted to stay there and wait for Karma-kun to wake up. They wanted to help him and be sure that he is fine. But Koro-sensei promised that he would update everyone on his condition as soon as he could and that they should carry on the class.

I couldn't do that. I was just way too worried to leave his side. And the more so when I looked at him. So Koro-sensei let me stay.

Now that I saw him from close up, I noticed some things that he probably hid before everyone. Those horrible bags under eyes. His pale complexion. He looked as tired as if he hasn't been sleeping for a week.

"I also noticed some things, Nagisa-kun." Sensei stated, still looking at the unconscious boy.

"He looks like he hasn't slept in a long time." I nodded, feeling my face getting darker. I started recalling all the past experiences where this was obvious. The time in the forest for example.

"That's not all. Sensei has lifted all of my students at least once and the last time I did, Karma-kun was significally heavier. Also, his body feels too bony." It hit me so hard. The fact that both Koro-sensei and Isogai-kun said that. The fact that I have never seen Karma-kun eat out or bring any bento from home.

"He hasn't been eating properly." And as sensei declared that, my heart started hurting.

I stood up and grabbed Karma-kun's arm. So thin. He looked so fragile. How could I not see this?! What kind of friend would not see something this important?!

But there was something strange on that hand I was holding. I pulled up his sleeves and to my horror, I found bandage.

"It's bruised," sensei said, calming me down a little. Just a little though because - what happened for him to bruise himself? And that cut on his forehead too.

"We will have to ask him ourselves," answered Koro-sensei, his gaze down in worry and shame. Both him and me felt so guilty, so much that we wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

Karma-kun was my important friend. And yet, I never realized that he was going through pain. That he was suffering.

I never noticed.

And I hated myself for that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma finally broke down. What will happen? Or rather, what had happened?

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

Mom was my only light.

Even though it was all just an ugly lie, she was the one who raised me and the only one who at least pretended to care.

Dad was someone more than a stranger but much less than a family member. To me, that is. To him though, I was a burden. Something he didn't even ask for.

Mom worked as a scientist here in Japan and dad used to be a politician. He had been living in America for his whole life despite being Japanese and one day, when he came to his homeland, he met mom and the two of them fell in love.

A love that didn't last long.

I remember that the two of them were still getting along until my fifth birthdays. That's when this whole family thing broke.

Dad realized that living here in Japan was not what he wanted. He had no friends in here. He gave up his own family, parents and siblings, friends and career in America for one woman. For a life in a place he wasn't familiar with. So it was only reasonable that he got sick of it. His whole life had always been and was meant to be somewhere else. Why would he want to be here then?

They argued a lot. Dad talked about how he wants to live his own life. Mom about how stupid his way of thinking was - he had her and me in here, didn't he?

Even though they thought I didn't hear them, I did. And I understood. Or at least I believed that.

When I was seven, they got into a fight. The two of them hit each other, broke things, shouting how much of a mistake this mariage was. How the two of them should have never met.

I cried that day. I remember it well because it was also the last time I dared to weep.

"Mommy and daddy hate each other now, Karma." she whispered as she held me in a hug. "We will do our best to withstand it for you so don't make any trouble and don't cry, okay?"

_Hate. Trouble. Cry._

**_For you._ **

And those words alone told me just how much of a burden I was to my parents.

But that stupid me from that time just didn't want to give up. Not losing hope and naively thinking I could change their opinion, I went to dad and told him that I love him and that I wanted him and mom to make up. He just watched me with cold eyes and when he couldn't take it anymore, he slapped me.

"Shut up, you good-for-nothing kid! I don't love you or your stupid mother! Fuck off!" But I just stood there with eyes wide open. As I heard the words, as I got told this thing straight-fowardly, I finally fully understood. I understood that this place we lived in wasn't home, that we weren't a family and that I have never been loved. I was just their responsibility. The one that they hated to it.

Since then, I never said a thing to him. Actually I never said more than _hi_ and _bye_ to anyone to the two of them. This whole house was so quiet that you could even hear the water drops. I learned to hide all of my feelings, I learned to survive on a batterfield where the warriors were my own parents.

None of them could withstand it anymore though. Dad got back to his work and started traveling all around the world, except for Japan. Since both me and mom were still legaly with him, he sent us money every month. Mom was also working a lot so I spent most of the time alone. I could see in my mom's face that this wasn't the life she wanted. That this wasn't the son she wished for.

I was the only thing that bound her to this house. A chain that wouldn't let her escape from this horrible life.

We were okay. Until one week before my twelth birthday. It was nine p.m. and my mom still wasn't coming back home. I tried calling her and asked everyone if they knew where she was. The next day I found out the answer.

"38-years old woman commits suicide" read the title of newspapers.

Apparently, she jumped from a bridge and her body was found just earlier that morning in a river.

_Snap._

I knew that this could happen. She wasn't happy. Who would be? Living in an empty house with an empty son, having nothing but regrets and suffocating it all for the sake of her offspring she should have never had.

I understood.

Dad was called back to attend a funeral. He returned with someone I didn't know though. I pretty, foreign woman.

"So she's finally dead," I heard them whisper, giggling and looking as happy as though they just won a lottery.

_Finally dead. Finally. Dead. Dead. Dead._

**_Dead._ **

I didn't even cry. What was the use? She wouldn't come back. Even if she could, she wouldn't. I didn't cry though, not after finding out the fate of my mother, not after seeing her face in the coffin. Not even once. I would be weak. I would look weak ini front of my enemy, I would give them the opportunity to break me even more.

So I just smiled. I laughed. And laughed. I laughed so much that it hurt my stomach.

Dead. Dead. DEAD!

_Yeah._

_That day,_

_both dad and mom..._

**_They were dead to me._ **


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

Karma-kun was crying. For the first time in my life, I saw my best friend cry and it felt as horrible as getting pierced with thousands of knives. Maybe even worse.

"Wha-what should we do?" I asked Koro-sensei who however seemed as confused as me.

The boy lying on the couch didn't whimper, sniff or do anything that would give out the fact that he was weeping. But that stream of tears running down his face was just enough for my heart to break.

"Should we... wake him up?"

But Koro-sensei shook his head, holding my hands down with his tentacle. Not to stop me, but to calm me down.

"Karma-kun is obviously facing his own demons now. Waking him up would be like helping him run away from them. He however needs to fight them so all we can do now is to stay with him and support him." Even though this kind of explanation felt a bit too abstrac, I listened to sensei. For now, he needed someone to lean on. A shoulder to cry on. And I would always be there.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

Soft. I was lying on something really soft and warm. I liked this feeling, I missed it a lot. It felt comforting and nostalgic. It felt like a baby being held by its mother.

I had a dream. About my childhood. My heart felt empty and in pain. I don't know why though, why would I care? For mom? She never really did care for me, she was just doing her responsibility. Dad? Never.

Sleep. I needed to sleep this over. I could ditch school again.

Wait. I _was_ at school.

Opening my eyes, a brown, wooden ceiling greeted me. Well, not really. As I stared at it, I tried to remember what the hell happened. PE. Running. Pain. Tired. That's all I could recall.

Suddenly, a certain blue haired boy appeared in my view: "Karma-kun!" It wasn't only him here. Koro-sensei too. "How are you feeling?"

After hearing that question, I realized how I ended up on this couch with blanket over, ice on my forehead, this headache, the warm cheeks... I collapsed, didn't I? Sigh, such a pain. Such an embarrasing pain to that!

Using my hands, I tried to sit up and to disappear as quick as possible. Nagisa-kun seemed to notice that so he intended to stop me though I fell on my own before he could do it.

"Careful, Karma-kun." Sensei warned me as I hit the pillow. He took out a theromether and measured my temperature. I couldn't resist with how weak my limps felt and how hazy everything was.

After the 'beep' of the device, he showed it to me: "39,8° Celsius (103,64 fahrenheit). You are running quite a high fever, Karma-kun. Don't move too much."

Well, that wasn't the best state to run away in. So I didn't say anything. I just looked up at nothing at all, since talking would be awkward. However, they didn't let me be.

"Is there... anything troubling you?" the blue head asked nervously, doing his best to keep his eyes on me.

Did they suspect anything?

"Not really," I lied, still watching the wood.

Silence. It really did feel awkward. But then, the octopus spoke up and I knew this wasn't going to be good.

"Karma-kun, we know you are lying. Something is definitely wrong. First of all, based at your appereance and my observation, you have obviously lost weight."

Have I? Well it is truth that I sometimes forgot to eat and that I mostly ate instant things. But I never noticed any changes.

"Secondly, you look very pale and tired. Have you been sleeping lately?" Wow, this teacher went straight for the kill. No way around, no sweet talk. And he seemed serious too. I could totaly read him - he was confused and worried, inexperienced in this kind of situation. He didn't know which method was the best to confront me with so he just honestly asked.

I still said nothing. I didn't even need to, they knew the answers already, that's why they asked. But... what was this guilt inside of me? It felt as though I have done something wrong. But I didn't do anything wrong, at least not intentionally.

"Well, I will make you something to eat. We need you to regain strenght, no?" The yellow octopus said, disappearing.

Now it was only me and Nagisa-kun. Both of us felt uneasy but he was the one putting it at display.

"I'm sorry for not noticing," The boy whispered, locking his eyes to the ground. The guilt inside of me increased. Why was he sorry for that? It was only normal he didn't. Even I didn't notice the cold, the poor eating habits or the fact that there was something wrong with me. Or rather, I did notice but didn't understand what it meant. I still don't.

"I'm a bad friend for not being able to see through your smiles. I sincerly apologize and I want to atone, Karma-kun. Please tell me what's wrong so that I can help you." This time, Nagisa-kun sat down next to me and watched me with those big blue eyes. It impressed and scared me at the same time. What was I supposed to say? That I hurt? That I needed help?

How could I do that? How could I just suddenly spill out all of my feelings and thoughts since my childhood until now that I have been doing my best to surpress, erase, destroy? How could I believe someone if I learned that I couldn't? That believing would be like giving someone a knife to stab you?

"How stupid." it came out silent. But in it, there was all of the pain, fear and longing that I had. I longed for trust, for something that would make me smile. For something I could always rely on and be sure of.

Something that never existed and never would.

Really.

_How stupid._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I want to thank you so much for the kudos and for commenting :)  
> I hope you enjoy this story ^^

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

"How stupid," he said, face full of despair. It was is if those two words were to exactly describe his feelings. Bitter. Sad. Disappointed. Was I right? Probably. And yet I had the feeling it was more of a cry for help than an explanation.

Standing up, I answered: "Stupid or not, I am still here for you."

But Karma-kun snickered, covering his eyes with an elbow: "Liar."

"I'm not lying," I stood my ground, showing all of the determination burning inside me. For some reason, he gave off the impression of a hurt animal - unable to put trust into anything or anyone, not daring to rely on anything else than himself. I needed him to open his eyes and acknowledge the fact that he could trust me. But he wasn't looking. He didn't want to see it, accept it. He was... scared?

As I realized that, I ordered him gently: "Karma-kun, look at me." But that made my friend stiffen even more.

"See for yourself that I'm saying the truth. Look into my eyes and say again that I'm lying." But he didn't. "You are not alone, you have me, Koro-sensei, class E! Everyone here is a fami-"

"DON'T SAY THAT WORD!" He suddenly shouted out sharply which made me flinch.

"But-"

"There's _no_ such thing... as family."

All of my strenght to convince him suddenly disappeared. As for why... indeed, why?

"There is." But it came unsure.

"No, there isn't. It's a lie. It's a gross, awful lie. You know that well too, Nagisa-kun." And finally he looked into my eyes. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't hide the mixed feelings I had right now. I wanted to show him my confidence. My will. However, what he saw wasn't the resolution of his friend that strived for help him. He saw a friend lost in his own words.

I was aware of what Karma-kun meant by that 'you know that well too'. Family, my parents. They never lived a happy life. Mom was obsessed with her wish of having a daughter. I never was enough. I wasn't a girl.

Did Karma-kun also have a problem like me? Did his parents force him to be something he wasn't?

Was I a hypocrite for saying all that? Could it be that he knew so he thought I was lying? Such a bad friend I was... he knew many things about me. He knew when something troubled me. But when it came to me, I never noticed. And I would probably never comprehend that he was struggling with something unless he would collapse like this.

But I meant it. He, Kayano, Koro-sensei, class E. They were my important family. Was it not like that with him?

"What's wrong?" I repeated, sounding more desperate than ever. I had to know it. For my own sake, for his sake, I needed to understand what made the redhead become like this. It was driving me crazy, not knowing, being oblivous. It hurt. Him. Me. "What's wrong?"

For a while, he said nothing. He let his arm fall, eyes shut as if he wanted everything to fade away. As if he wanted to run away from this whole world painted by agony. I spotted a small, stray tear fall down from his cheeks as he whispered: _"Everything."_

Everything.

I stood there, not knowing what to say.

Everything.

What was that everything he was talking about?

I didn't know. I had no idea. And yet, I wanted to support him. Hah... how?

Suddenly, a loud voice yelled: "OOII! KARMA, YOU UP?!" It was Okajima-kun. He, Okuda-san, Nakamura-san and many others, probably our whole class, forced their way into the room. Their faces were tense until the redhead got into their view. That's when they smiled a little, relieved.

"Hey, Nagisa, Karma," Nakamura-san greeted, calmly walking towards us. "Koro-sensei told us you were awake." she bend down to see Karma-kun who however hid under a blanket.

Kayano was standing next to me, her face worried. But then she looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile. As if she knew that I too was feeling bad. It couldn't compare to Karma-kun though.

Meanwhile, Nakamura-san was trying to get Karma-kun out of the blanket: "C'mooon, just one photo!" And surprisingly, he lost the battle, failing to remain under the cover. Seems like the fever really did a number on him with the way he was puffing.

"Wow, you look horrible." The blond girl said, shocked, as she got a full view on her friend. Everyone gathered around Karma-kun and nodded in agreement.

"Your fever is still so high," Okuda-san mentioned as she touched his cheek. "We should get you more ice," and with a smile, she went for it.

"Hey, hey, idiots can get colds too?" Terasaka-kun asked sarcastically but even he couldn't completly wipe away the concern from his voice.

"Shut up, you mega idiot." The redhead retorted, his eyes remaining closed. What was it that he wanted them not to see?

Or was it that there was something _he_ didn't want to see?

"Don't worry about it, Karma. That just means you are not an idiot, unlike a certain Terasaka here." Itona backed him up, saying it with straight face. The one they were insulting complained.

"Does anything hurt?" Kurahashi-san asked as she put a towel at the boy's forhead. He nodded, answering: "Head."

And after saying that, Okuda-san who returned a little while ago, whispered: "Everyone! Please be quiet, Karma-kun's head hurts!"

They did quieten a little but it didn't last long. After three minutes, they talked about manga, sports, tests, they probably tried to cheer Karma-kun up. I wanted to too. But there was something that didn't let me. A barrier created back then when the two of us talked.

Really, this class of ours indeed brightened the mood. Kanzaki-san was washing the towel for Karma-kun, Isogai-kun, Maehara-kun and other boys were nagging the poor sick boy and girls scolding them for bothering him. It made me smile.

Karma-kun fit here. All of his responses, faces, words, they were completly the same as always. Sarcastic, lively.

Was it all just a pretense?

I didn't want to believe it. This class, our teachers. Our conversations, our feelings. All the days that we spent together. This was what a family felt like, right? People who made you smile. People who made you feel safe.

_Isn't that what you think too, Karma-kun?_


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

Koro-sensei's P.O.V.

"Say 'aah', Karma-kun." I held a spoonful of the meal I made. As the redhead was obviously malnourished, I intentionally cooked something very nutritious, rich and healthy instead of the usual porridge.

Both Nagisa-kun and the sick boy however seemed disgusted by my gesture: "No way,"

"Don't be shy! Sensei made this specially for you! It's filled with love and care!" I tried to convince him with a bright face.

Strangely, my dazzling smile wasn't enough, it actually made my student's expression darken. I didn't understand why though. To be honest, my cooking skills were on the level of top chefs and the dish was definitely delicious.

Karma-kun didn't look like he wanted to touch it though. Was that the reason he fell ill? Could it be that he didn't neglect his meals but avoided them on purpose? But why?

I dropped the happy go lucky approach as it was leading nowhere: "Karma-kun, I don't need you to tell me what's wrong yet but at least eat something."

The boy just turned his back at us, curling into a ball.

"I'm not hungry," he said weakly.

"Karma-kun," I called out again. "Can't you see that we are very worried about you?"

He didn't response right away. It took a good minute for him to finally react: I will eat it after I take a nap."

And I just agreed with a small 'okay' since I had no other option than to hope he would do so.

It surprised me that Nagisa-kun stayed quiet for the whole time. He didn't encourage his friend the same way as he normally would, he just sat next to me with eyes fixed at Karma-kun but looking absent minded.

My students... I couldn't bear seeing them like this.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

Sleep wasn't the best idea. Sure I needed it but not this kind of sleep, filled with nightmares and past haunting me.

As I was still a minor, dad couldn't let me on my own. He and his new wife temporarily moved to the house me and mom lived in.

Dad never looked straight at me and neither did I. As usual, we didn't even say a word to each other, partly because none of us had any desire to and mostly because he almost never came home. Work was much more important, wasn't it?

However, the house wasn't quiet at all. That foreign woman he brought was pretty hot and everything but noisy and stupid at the same time. Her logic made no sense. And what's worse, she never worked and stayed at home all the time. She used dad as source of money and he used her as his slut. Rather than love it was as a deal, business. One taking advantage of the other. I didn't care though, If that's what they wanted, so be it.

She was supposed to babysit me and take care of me while he would be doing whatever he was. The only good thing about her stay was that I learned English real fast because listening to her horrible japanese accent was painful.

I didn't mind her being useless, not being able to cook properly, clean up or that she made me do most of the work. I could bear with that.

What caused the trouble was her character. She liked tormenting kids both mentally and physically. Me in particular.

"No one likes you," she whispered the first time we met, her smile so cold I got chills. "so go on and die."

I hated her. Her sweet voice that said nothing but death wishes, green eyes burning their way into my mind, wavy light hair which found their way around my neck, suffocating me. It made me sick. And I was determined to fight her.

At first, it went well. I observed all of her reactions - her likes, dislikes, fears. Just like a typical woman, she was scared of bugs and disgusting things. Just like a primadonna, she hated being looked down at.

So be it then.

First I caught a bag full of worms and cockroaches and put it into her room.

She slapped me repeatedly.

Then I sent her a package with small, black buggs along with a paper sheet with 'SLUT' written on it.

She beat me with a rod, leaving marks for another month.

I spoke disrespectfully towards her, chin up and eyes contemptuous.

And no matter how many times she hurt me, deprived me of dinner or sleep, she just couldn't tame me. That's when she deduced that she needed to break my spirit. I was only twelve after all, a child capable of provocation only, no real action, unlike her.

It turned out quite easy for her.

That woman was a psycho. She used everything and everyone in order to achieve her goal. She wasn't afraid of being caught too.

"What a beautiful picture," she grinned in that cruel way of hers as she took out a photo from one of the frames. It was from the time I was born, dad and mom smiling brightly as their held me in their arms.

The reason it hit me so much was because that was one of my secret treasures. The proofs of me ever being part of something, _anything._ I had it and other things hidden in my room, under bed. So how come she had it in her hands now?!

"It would be such a shame if it burned," that cunt lifted a lighter to the photo. "Ups," she looked at me with faked sad expression as the flames ate away the last thing I held dear. The happy times.

"You shitty-" I said with gritted teeth, ready to fight her. However, she stopped me right at the tracks as she took out another thing from my box: Mom and dad's wedding rings.

"Do you know? If two people no longer love each other," she watched me with those sadistic orbs, "and when in addition one of them is rotting in the ground,"

"Shut-"

"These are no more than a piece of metal. Maybe I should take them and reuse them in some way?"

That woman. She knew where to rub. She knew how it would hurt the most. Instead of destroying it, she wanted to dishonor it. Taint the innocent memory of my early childhood and parents. Those who were already dead.

"Don't you dare!" But she did.

"There are so many beautiful things inside of it. I'm going to take them all, you don't mind, do you?"

And I couldn't say a word at all because if I did, I would show that these things were important to me. I would show her my weakness and she would find more things that would hurt me. So my only options were either to throw away my pride, go for the box and give in to her or throw away the only thing that kept me sane until now, the only thing that soothed my mind. Choose.

"Oh and by the way, I gave your dinner to the stray dogs outside. I think it will be more beneficial for everyone that way."

And that's how she started devouring my soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this will be so cheesy I'M SORRY TT.TT  
> If you still read through this, thanks :)  
> Love ya, Satsuki


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks XD

The day her psychotic character started showing off is still clearly engraved into my mind. At the time, I had only two months left until the end of my last year in elementary school, preparing myself for Kunugigaoka Junior High.

"Hey brat, clean my boots. I just stepped on something gross." The 27-year-old woman, my nightmare, whined while taking off her shoes. It was morning and I was just getting ready for the class.

"DIYB" I said without sparing her a look as I took out mine.

"What?"

"Do it yourself, bitch."

And with that, I went up out of the doors to get some peace from that eyesore, ignoring the cuss words adressed to me. The two of us always called each other unpretty nicknames. I never bothered to even remember her name, it sounded disgusting and unworthy of remembering.

The day at school wasn't interesting at all so I had only vague idea of what happened. My only friends - Komuto-kun and Hirame-kun asked me to study with them in a library. I refused, thinking that I didn't need to study anything because I knew it all already.

On my way home, I stopped by some bookshops to see if there was any interesting manga or american comics. Unfortunately nothing caught my attention. Also, I had to buy some food so that I wouldn't be starving - that (excuse me) shitty stepfucker always told me that I wasn't worth the food. Good thing I had my lots of money from mom and some from the time dad sent them to us.

The horror came when I arrived home.

"Oh, Karma-kun? Come in, come in, your friends are here for a snack!" The woman said with such a bright and fake smile that I felt like puking. What however horrified me more was the fact that Hirame and Komuto-kun were sitting on sofa, looking all hyped and unsuspecting of the demon hovering over them. This wasn't going to be good. Actually it felt very dangerous.

Gritting my teeth, I ignored her out-of-character welcome and turned to my friends: "What are you guys doing here?"

"Your mom invited us. She said that you would be glad." Komuto-kun told me as he took a cookie from a tray on the table.

So that bitch could make cookies huh? Though I wouldn't dare even touch them as there was a possibility of them being soaked in cyanide. I fought the urge to yank that food from his hands and make him throw up all of what he has eaten that was made by her hands.

"I'm sorry guys but I'm busy so go home." I tried to get them away from this hell of a house.

However that woman just wouldn't let them be: "Don't worry about school, it's Friday isn't it?"

"Sure but I have football club activities right now so I'm not returning until 7." I lied. I didn't play football and had no club activities whatsoever. She didn't know that though as the only thing she cared about was herself and her stupid clothes.

"Oh that? Your friend called, saying that it was canceled today. Seems like the gym is being repaired or so."

Well, i just digged my own grave. Both of us said lies and if I revealed hers, mine would blow too.

I went into a kitchen, dragging that shitty woman with me. I wanted to rub off her smug face with a hedgehog.

"What's the meaning of this?" I hissed silently so that the two in the living room wouldn't hear us.

"I just want you to meet your friends once in a while and have fun." She grinned with such cold eyes I shivered.

Suddenly, a _thud_ came from the living room, as if something fell down. Terrified, I ran there to find both of the boys lying on the ground, collapsed.

"What did you do to them?!" I yelled at the cow who was calmly walking towards us. Did she really soak the cookies into something?!

"Just put them to sleep. You will be the one doing the dirty job though,"

"The hell?!"

She kneeled down next to me and took my chin into her fingers, scraping me with those long and ugly nails of hers: "When they wake up, I need you to beat the shit out of them."

Frowning, I broke away from her grip: "What about I beat some shit out of you?"

"You think you would be able to? Seems like you still don't understand who I am."

"A shitfaced whore, what else?"

And she kicked me into my stomach. It hurt as hell and my vision went black for a while. While I was being vulnerable, her hand got into my hair and she pulled them up so that I would be facing her.

"I am the daughter of the most influental politician in this whole world, you little shit. I can do whatever I want and still get away with it. I can kill both your friends and you and still get away with it. Connections, kid, connections. Politicians can make a murder seem like an accident." she spat at my face and slammed my face to the ground.

It hurt a lot. With how much force she put into that action, I could assume I had a good concussion. And I was starting to feel sick too.

"If you are so powerful, why did you marry my dad?" I slowly sat up, careful not to hurt my head any more. And ew, her mouth smelled real bad. Maybe that was the reason I felt like vomiting? "I thought you wanted to use his money but you don't appear to be having any troubles with that,"

"Your dad? He's fun and honest. He lets me do whatever I want, unlike my father who wants me to be this or that. And I like him too, like a dog I guess." She ran her hand up her hair in satisfaction. Damn, I needed to cut her limbs off.

"What do you want?" I asked the same provocative way as before, trying to appear unimpressed and not afraid. She could be lying, just like always. But I have developed some sense of "truth and lie" and right now I had a strong feeling she wasn't bluffing.

"Beat them into a gulp. If you don't then I'm going to take care of them myself. And then silence you, of course."

"You're kidding."

"Am I?" She had a knife in her hands. Now that I noticed, she had one of her hands behind her back all the time. Even though I hated to admit it, I was scared. Twelve years old and all, seeing a psycho with a knife in her hands and not being afraid of using it sure did the magic to intimidate me.

I sat there frozen as she walked nearer and nearer but instead of me, she had her eyes on Hirame-kun. My hands were shaking, it might have been the hit from before but I was pretty sure that it was caused by panic. I couldn't even move. I couldn't even say anything.

It wasn't until she cut a clear, unhesitant line across his arm. As the blood oozed from his limb, my senses sharpened and I finally found myself capable of controlling myself again: "STOP!"

I couldn't believe she did something like that. If I told this to the police, if I told this to anyone at all, she would get arrested. She would get years in the prison, rotting there like a scumbag.

"I have connections, brat. I can do whatever I want." Her eyes weren't lying. How? How could someone have so much power? How could someone do anything they wanted without getting punished, taking the responsibility?! Wasn't that what I was tought all my life? You bear responsibility for your actions. Any sin will be punished.

Lies. Lies. LIES!

Here she was, hurting, abusing, blackmailing. Where was the responsibility she had to bear? Where was the retribution she was supposed to face?! Where was any justice in this whole world?! Was there any to begin with?!

"Will you do as I say?" She played with the kitchen knife as she made her way to Komuto-kun.

I was only twelve after all. Weak, naive and some love left. So I was scared. I was so scared of the woman before me, of her thoughts and stares, of her words. After having my parents taken away I was scared that my friends would disappear too. My only life that was worth living - the school life - it would cease to exist.

So what was I supposed to do?

Fight her? Me - hurt, agains her - strong and armed? A kid against a demon?

What was I supposed to do?!

Cry and beg for her to stop? No. That was disgusting. That was so out of my character. That wasn't me. No way. My pride, my arrogance, my hatred towards her just wouldn't let me.

And yet that's what I did.

Because if I lost even my friends, what meaning would it have to live?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is super stupid sorry guys XDDD I mean yeah, really stupid.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that absurd chapter comes another absurd chapter! XD Angst, ofc.

 

* * *

Will you do as I say?" Her voice cut through the air, paralyzing and ridding me of any willpower left.

"Leave them be." I said with tears streaming down my face. It felt so disgusting, to cry, to give in to this bitch. "Do whatever you want, humiliate me, kill me, but for the love of God, don't hurt them." I choked out.

How could I sink so low? To bow my head down to this woman? To an enemy I despised and swore to destroy? I was supposed to be the one nagging her, the one who would have power over her. How come it was me being destroyed in the end?

"That would be no fun." she stated with a face as if she was talking to a dumb kid.

And exactly at that time, Hirame and Komuto-kun started coming to. The slut looked at me with a smug face, reminding me of her order. Fight them. Hurt them. Or I kill them. That's what her expression said.

So I listened. I bit my lip until the only thing I felt was blood in my mouth and started the calamity. They screamed, begged, asked me what the hell I was doing.

Indeed, what the hell was I doing?

My mind went blank. All that I did, everything I saw, it was so empty and so unrealistic that it felt like I was just a spectator watching a boring film. Something I had nothing to do with and something I didn't even care much about.

She was smiling. So satisfied, hungry to see more of the gore. She didn't want me to stop yet. So I didn't.

Snap. Snap. Snap.

The sound of bones breaking, the forming bruises on their body. And yet I felt no emotion at all.

My head hurt. I was sick, injured, tired. The taste of my blood, the blood of my friends on my clothes and skin, nothing seemed to matter anymore. My vision got black for a while and I hit the ground, hardly consciouss. I didn't percieve anything. The fact that they already fled, the fact that the woman was now taking me into her arms or that I was crying. I didn't realize any of that until she wrapped her cruel arms around my body and whispered: "It's all for your own sake,"

The sound of her voice seemed so distant. I wanted to fight it, to break away from the ropes, but my body was about to shut down.

"You deserved this. And they did too."

And that was the last thing I remembered from that day.

Later on, my life got worse and worse. Komuto-kun and Hirame-kun got into hospital with broken arm and leg, concussion and lots of bruises. They, the other classmates, even my neighbours looked at me like at a wild animal, unforgiving and judging. They were right to do so, I _was_ the one to beat my friends into a gulp, wasn't I?

As if the bullying and gossips weren't enough, I got suspended for violence and had to spend with two weeks that horrible woman.

Her attitude changed completly. She acted so sweet and kind that I became paranoid of the time she snaps and does something as psychotic as before. The way she acted was much more worse than the cold, violent bitch from before. I didn't know why though. However, the abuse didn't cease. I got reminded of my worthlessness every single moment and slowly, I started believing it.

"Why do you still hope? There is no one who would love you. You are nothing but a misfortune. You killed your mother, hurt your friends. All you bring is hurt and death. Why do you expect anyone to love something like you?"

It hurt so much to be told that. Kids always want attention, they crave for affection and do whatever it takes to become acknowledged by people. I was like that too. That's why I still stupidly hoped for better times or for someone that I could believe in. How silly.

I thought I could endure it, that I could hold on. But her ways to break me were getting worse. She gave me the "love" which I wished for so much but subsequently crushed it by cruel words. Everytime. And everytime, I would fall for it. No matter how many times she did it and how much of experience I had, I just couldn't learn and still gave in to her snake-like embraces that would choke me afterwards.

"Why did you eat that? Such a waste. You aren't worth even having a dinner," she declared with a lovely smile and voice though that loveliness was nothing but bloodlust and sheer hatred. Every day. Every time I dared touch something, she would remind me that.

What's even worse, I listened to her. I realized that there was no ambition left for me and believed her. What was the point in living even? I was worthless after all, useless, cursed.

I just had to take the pills. Twenty of them in my palm and in a minute, they would be in my stomach, hopefully killing me instantly.

Smiling, I swallowed.

* * *

(present) Karma's P.O.V.

I was suffocating. Even though my breathing was rapid, it was rather shallow and in no way sufficient enough. My chest burned and cold sweat ran down my spine, completly ridding me of the heat from fever.

"Karma-kun?!" A voice asked and I felt two soft things rubbing my back, another patting my head and some more holding me in the sitting position, securing me.

It was just a dream. Another nightmare, though this time more vivid. I remembered all the bad things which surpressed hoping that they would disappear. I thought they did, but now they were back, more powerful than ever.

Koro-sensei looked quite worried but gave me some time to calm down before asking questions while rubbing my back. The shock didn't go away though. No matter how much I tried to catch my breath and control it, it was getting harder and harder to stay consciouss and I felt lighthearted. The octopus did its best to calm me down and sure enough, in two minutes I was back to earth again.

"Are you okay?" He asked, apparent concern in his voice but reassuring face.

I nodded, not wanting to talk about anything. The teacher knew that so he asked nothing. Instead, he took out a tray of food from before.

"You promised," he said with a smile, taking a spoonfull. "now say 'aah'."

I didn't feel up to arguing at all so I just opened the damn mouth and started chewing.

"Your friends are having Home Ec. with Karasuma-sensei right now! I wonder how it will end up?" He said to distract me. Also, the food tasted good so ate it without complaining. Koro-sensei seemed happy by as he fed me one spoon after another.

"There is only one period left to lunch. Should I make you something more?" Really, what was I, a pig? How could I take in so much in such a short time? The plate wasn't even empty yet.

 _You aren't worth it,_ suddenly something in my head whispered.

I stopped for a while, looking down on my lap.

_Such a waste. You aren't worth anything._

It was getting difficult to properly think again.

_Someone like you doesn't have the right to eat._

Sick.

It made me sick. The smell of meat, the taste in my mouth and weight in my stomach.

_That's right. You should feel sick. Guilty for clinging to life._

"Karma-kun?" Koro-sensei asked as I put a hand over my mouth.

_You should have never been born. Raised. Never._

_Why don't you die?_

The voice reverberated in my head, filling it with nothing but self-hatred and guilt. She was right. I should have never been here. I was just a mistake, an unwanted existance. No need to waste time or things on me. No need for me to cling to life, right? How could I forget?

And before I knew, I started vomitting.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff XD

Koro-sensei's P.O.V.

"Karma-kun?!" I called out as I realized what was about to happen. The boy looked pale, even more than he already was, holding a hand over his mouth.

Right when he started throwing up, I took a trash bin from the hall and gave it to him. It went out violently. The redhead coughed harshly and the only thing I could do was comfort him and rub his back.

After finishing, I handed him a glass of water and the boy collapsed down to the couch, obviously drained.

Have I forced him to eat too much? But there was still a lot left. Could it be the cold? Nausea?

I refilled the ice package and put it back on the boy. He was shivering as if it were bellow zero degrees celsius even though his body actually felt like on fire.

I have never dealt with this kind of situation before. I have read countless medical books and studied all of the health issues, but to be put into action - well, it was quite complicated. And even more when all I could do was 'give it some time' as the books said. However, for a cold, the boy's condition just seemed too serious.

"Should I take you to the hospital?" I asked without being aware of it.

The boy shook his head immediately but groaned in pain from the headache, probably. Ah, I could massage it for him, right? My tentacles were strong but soft at the time, it sure would relieve him!

"What the hell," the boy muttered but didn't protest.

Now that I looked at the time, the last period was about to end. Which means the children would go home. I should contact his parents to take him or ask Karasuma-sensei to do so because I couldn't go to the town without being reported to police and all. I was a top secret now, wasn't I?

I took out a file about Karma-kun and searched for a telephone number. None.

"Karma-kun, what's the phone number of your parents? I should inform them of your condition." But as soon as I finished that, the boy started laughing in a strange way, looking at me with somewhat disgusted eyes.

"Even if you call them, they won't give a shit."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing really. They aren't home so don't bother."

It was obvious that he didn't want to talk about but the fact that he said that they wouldn't care - with the way it sounded - I couldn't overlook it. Something was apparently happening at home.

"Do they work overseas?" I guessed, trying to get some information out of him.

The silence probably meant yes.

"Then I will take care of you," this seemed to shock him. Karma-kun tried to sit up but ended up falling down, again. His eyes were wide open, maybe in horror.

"I can't let you on your own like this now, can I?" Giggling, I stated.

No matter how much he urged me to leave him be, I just wouldn't have any of that. He was my precious student after all, someone I have sworn to protect and to love.

The teenager gave up, sighing: "Do whatever you want,"

And I chuckled, satisfied.

* * *

"Karma-kun! What is this?!" completly terrified, I asked as I entered the Akabane house. At 3 p.m. school ended and with that, I took the boy home in my arms/tentacles (much to his disgust). However the first thing that hit me in the 'mansion' was how empty and dark it was. A little dusty to that. As if no one has been living in it for years. And that's what terrified me.

His room on the other hand was quite messy - books on the floor, books on the bed, books everywhere... He studied a lot, didn't he? Well, that was a pleasant surprise.

"What?" He coughed, looking annoyed by my presence.

"No, just... why is your home so liveless?"

He grunted as I put him into the bed and hid under the blankets. I had to use force to stop him from that because the heat under the covers would make his fever even worse and aside from that, depriving himself of oxygen wasn't the best thing to do.

Since he didn't answer, I didn't pressure him. For now. As I said, for the time being I just needed him to get better, then we would have a nice, long talk about various things. For example how he ended up in such state. Or what it was that have been troubling him.

"Do you feel up to eating something?" he shook his head. "Anything at all?" and again.

Disappointed, I quickly ran to the bathroom for cloth and a small bucket of icy water to put it over the boy's forehead. Of course I couldn't forget the thermometer.

"39,6°C / 103.28 F" I informed him as I measured his temperature. "It's a little bit lower than before but still not good."

I gave him pills for cold and then put him to sleep. The boy seemed not to like the idea of going sleep, I assumed there were scary things going on in his dreams. So even the invincible, devil Karma-kun could be scared huh? Well, he was still a child after all. A confused one to that. I only realized that seeing his troubled, hurt expressions.

"Karma-kun, I'd like you to know what it means to be teacher. It's not just a profession or some black and white figure to make you cram things. I am here to teach my students not only about school subjects but about life too. About the good things and bad things. About how to confront them when in a corner."

He had his eyes closed all the time. But I knew he wasn't sleeping yet.

"Don't forget that above anything else, I put my students' health and happiness. Seeing you hurting like this is one of the worst and scariest things to me. So please, hurry up and get better."

I gently fondled his hair. Maybe I was imagining things but he seemed to relax a bit.

"Sleep well, Karma-kun."


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because I love sushi XDD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating sooner guys, but I was on a break XD :D :P Anyway, I'm multi-updating!! So yeaaaaah! Enjoy!

Nagisa's P.O.V.

Karma-kun's phone was probably dead. I tried calling him 5 times since yesterday and not even once did it even ring.

I was worried about his health, of course, but he had Koro-sensei with him so I could more or less rest assured. But it wasn't the same with his head I guess. (He would kill me if he knew I just said there was something wrong with his head. But well, it wasn't so far from truth, was it?)

Anyway, the conversation from yesterday stuck in my head. I though about it a lot, about his words and expression, about the meaning of the word "family".

In a way, he had a point. If family was people you are bound to by blood and who should always unconditionally love you, then no. No such thing existed.

Blood has betrayed the very same blood many times before in the past, brothers killed each other, mothers took advantage of their children, fathers hired assassins to get rid of any potential danger, be it their son or a daughter.

Even in the happiest families, the "unconditional love" just wasn't possible.

However, if we assumed that family meant people who you hold dear and who hold you dear, people who you feel comfortable with and who accept you no matter what, then 'family' turns out to be anything you want it to be.

I wanted Karma-kun to know that.

However, I had a feeling this wasn't the core of his problems.

It was still quite early but I have already arrived to our classroom. I put my shoes to the regal and opened the doors to the classroom.

What I saw left me conflicted. In a way, I could describe the sight as indecent and... dirty. If Koro-sensei wasn't basically an octopus.

Karma-kun was pinned to the ground by tentacles and sensei was 'hanging' above him.

"Nagi-" I heard him gasp as if for help but immediately got stopped when sensei put something into his mouth in incredible speed.

I think if Okajima-kun saw this, he would get the wrong idea.

* * *

Twenty Minutes before: Koro-sensei's P.O.V.

It was exactly 7 o'clock and I was dealing with one of the worst dilemmas in my whole life.

To leave Karma-kun alone at home and go to school to teach or to not leave Karma-kun alone and be absent from school, making my students miss me?

Though they probably wouldn't.

Well, I decided to do both, partly. The child wasn't capable of taking care of himself so I would. At school. I mean, taking him with me and letting him sleep on sofa in the office where Irina-sensei or Karasuma-sensei would look after him wasn't a bad thing to do right? I could teach the class then. Oh what a sharp mind I have!

Carefully not to wake him up, I wrapped him (I don't understand how he did not notice. Probably the cold.) into two blankets (for sure, it was quite freezing outside). It was cute. He looked like sushi.

Then I took him into arms and flew right to our class. It took half a minute since I had to be considerate of my little student.

No one has arrived to the school yet, not even Karasuma-sensei which was strange. I took the sofa from yesterday into the teachers' office and laid the boy down. He stirred in sleep.

Now that I thought about it, when should he take another dose of the cold medicine? It was written that it should be taken in 12 hours, wasn't it? What time did I give it to him yesterday?

As I recalled the exact time, my heart almost skipped a beat. If remember it right, it was at 19:26. The time at the moment - 7:20.

Six minutes left until he would have to drink it! I quickly ran off back to his house and took it, returning in under a minute. Now the hardest part:

"Karma-kun! Wake up! It's time for medicine!" The boy didn't open his eyes so I called him again and again and again and again until he did.

Groaning, he stared at me with murderous eyes but I had something much more important to do now. Four minutes nineteen seconds left.

"Karma-kun! Hurry up and drink this!" my panicked state didn't faze him even a little bit. I was holding a spoon with a brown cure and urging him to open his mouth.

However, as the redhead noticed what that was, he frowned, dead serious: "I'm not drinking that."

I knew he wouldn't do it willingly.

"You have to! We have only three minutes and fourty eight seconds left!" I tried forcing it to him but the boy stubbornly covered his lips and shook real hard. Even though it seriously hurt his head (I saw the way he was shutting his eyes with every movement).

"No freaking way! It tastes like a poop!" He protested. "I'm not gonna even touch it!"

He sound like a child. So unlike him. It might have been that the fever has destroyed some of his brain cells or he wasn't thinking rationally (maybe his vulnerable side started showing up?).

Either way, there were two mintues and thirty one seconds until would have to take the medicine. I was getting frustrated and super panicked. There was no other option than to use force. The boy was still weak so there was no need to put much strenght into it.

Using my tentacles, I chained his arms and legs and then straightened his head up. Karma-kun pressed his lips together, not intending to lose. This was bad. He was struggling and even though his body should have been fragile at the moment, his strenght was still that of demon.

One minute.

"KARMA-KUUUN! OPEN YOU MOUTH! PLEASE?!" I started begging, not knowing what to do. We had only little time left! If Karma-kun didn't take the medicine at the exact time then the healing process would be much longer! I wanted him to be healthy as soon as possible! Why couldn't he see that?

Suddenly, the doors opened and there stood a young blue haired boy with terror in his eyes.

The redhead under me gasped (probably from embarrasement) and called out: "Nagi-"

But at the same time, I took advantage of the situation and shoved the spoon into his mouth. Not having any other option than to swallow it, he started coughing and made disgusted faces.

0 seconds left and mission accomplished!

Now, now, that was quite a struggle!


	15. Chapter 15

Bitch-sensei's P.O.V.

"Why do I have to be a babysitter?!" I asked, irritated by that octopus' suggestion.

Sure, Karma-kun was my student and I was concerned about his health but damn, I was an assassin! To be looked at like some housewife by my own target felt so embarrassing and most importantly disgracing!

"I have to teach the students and Karasuma-sensei hasn't come to school yet! Please!" He yelled while bowing down his head to the ground again and again in inhuman speed.

I found Japanese gestures really strange. As if they were created for the sole purpose of humiliating the person doing it. Which was what that octopus was doing right now.

Scratching my head, I sighed. I wanted to spend the whole day with Karasuma as the kids had only one period with me today but seems like the guy had work to do.

But well, playing with that devil would be fun too. After all the ditching and the stupid things he did on my lessons, I would make him regret doing that.

"Fine," I agreed and he straightened up, repeatedly thanking me with bows.

"Well then, I leave him to your care!" And as soon as he said that, he disappeared somewhere, to the class probably.

I returned to my office where a certain redhead slept. The yellow thing had placed a couch with the teen there before I even arrived. And that's when this whole conversation started.

Seeing that Karma-kun sleeping so comfortably and peacefully almost made me forget how much of a problem child he was. I mean, would you say that the angelic face he had right now would actually be madly laughing as he poured wasabi and mustard into his prey's nose and throat?!

Well, whatever. All I had to do was make sure he ate and slept, that his fever doesn't go up and keep him.

Easy.

* * *

Or not.

First of all, he didn't eat.

"It's just normal food!" I told him for the 20th time and yet he just wouldn't let me stuff it into his throat.

Though that 'supposed to be food' didn't look that good. What would you expect from a convenience store? I mean, cooking wasn't really my favourite activity.

Secondly, he didn't want to sleep.

Although I did understand why he didn't want to, him nagging me every time and saying how bored he is got on my nerves. How was I supposed to concentrate on my plans how to seduce Karasuma when a brat was complaining next to me?!

"Shut up!" I yelled, irked more than ever.

And although he did, I had a bad feeling about it. I was probably just imagining things or getting chills from having a sadistic demon behind my bags so I decided to ignore him and concentrate on the true work.

On the internet, I looked for the best ways to seduce dense men.

Last but not least, his fever did get worse.

As to why - I would love to say that it wasn't my fault but it partly was. The research made me so concentrated that I didn't notice the boy snucking out of the room by a window and going somewhere. When I realized that, thousands of thoughts crossed my mind.

One of them being strangling him and chaining him up and then sedating him.

Such a pain to take care of a kid, Karma-kun in particular. But he was my responsibility right now so I couldn't afford to let him be.

Finding him wasn't that hard. He was walking somewhere into the forest but stumbling constantly, looking for a tree that would support him. Such a strange sight.

"Karma-kun," wrapping my arms around him from the behind, as I called out sweetly. "where are you going?"

But instead of an answer, he violently broke away from my hold and in a split of second when he turned around, I saw horror in his eyes.

When the redhead fell down to the ground, I noticed how his hands were trembling as if I was some kind of monster was going after his life. However he wasn't looking at me - it felt more like he mistook me for someone. Just a second later, those eyes got cold again and he shook off any of the weakness he just showed, now giving off the nothing but bloodlust.

"Sorry, I didn't want-"

"Whatever," he tried to stand up but failed. He probably miscalculated the probability of him being able to move around freely while running a pretty high fever. I could tell that from the flushed cheeks of his.

Without letting him protest, I lifted Karma-kun up and carried him back to the campus where a couch was waiting especially for him (I am actually quite strong! And besides the kid doesn't weight so much.)

Since my childhood, I survived on understanding people's mood to take advantage of it. Was the victim scared? Was it happy? Being careless? Take advantage of it. Make the kill.

What I learned unconsciously though is the ability to observe the reactions of children. The old geezers I had to seduce and then assassinate - they had children. I saw the faces they made when they realized their fathers were nothing but scumbags who hire women to sleep with. Their disgust, horror, sadness.

Karma-kun had a mix of those feelings when he noticed me in the forest, along with many others that seemed much more intense. Fear. Insecurity. Confusion. Despair. I always thought that something must have happened to the boy to became so twisted. And I could probably guess it now - child neglect, judging from the scared expression before even abuse.

The octopus might have noticed too, but since he hasn't said a thing about it yet, I felt like it was better for me to do so. Just by the way, here is a pro of being a woman - you can get into people's heart easier.

"Tell me what had happened, Karma-kun." And he seemed to understand me immediately as his whole body went into the 'defense' mood. Having him sit down and me staring at him intensively, nothing escaped my eyes. Not even the uncomfortable way he played with his fingers. Or the calculative face which was thinking of ways to avoid the subject. I could see it all now that I realized they were real and intentional.

"I can see it in your eyes, kid. You can hide it for now but sooner or later, they will all find out. Whether you tell me alone now or to the whole class is up to you." It was a small threat. Or more like a choice to make. Karma-kun was proud. He wouldn't want anyone to know his weakness and his demons, especially the people he cared for and who meant a lot to him. So of course he would feel pressured to choose the option that would end up with the least people knowing.

Grinning with mischieve in his eyes, he hissed: "You sure are sharp, Bitch-sensei."

I felt a vein pop on my forehead.

"Well, if you insist. It's not a big deal either." He answered carefreely, putting both of his arms behind his head in the confident way. It was hard to say whether he was just pretending it or really completly uninterested in what was going on. It scared me how naturally he could act when he needed.

But before that, I needed to bring down the fever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did you like it? I thought that Bitch-sensei would make a good part in the 'confessing time' since she is a foreigner too and therefore would somehow remind Karma of that woman.
> 
> Also, no matter how it looks like, she really cares about them all.
> 
> Though the real parent here is Koro-sensei, am I right? XD


	16. Chapter 16

Bitch-sensei's P.O.V.

He didn't tell me as much as I wanted. Of course I didn't intend to pressure him but it would be much easier for me to help him if I knew more.

"My parents fought a lot when I was a kid and then shit happened, my mom died and now I'm stuck with a psychotic stepmother and some guy I'm supposed to call dad. Though fortunately they haven't returned home for four years," he told me in a nutshell.

Now I remembered why I have never been good with children. It wasn't like that I didn't like them. They scared me. The fact that they were so fragile, so easy to break that even the smallest thing could make them change the way they saw the world. I was scared of destroying them. I knew how hard it was to grow up in environment where you could believe nothing and if you let your guard down you will die. And since I couldn't have a happy life, I wished for them at least to have one.

Of course nothing like that could happen in here, there are no wars here, no fights.

But who said that the wars are fought only on the battlefield?

I realized that all when I saw his face. That even though he didn't look like it, he was still a child that needed guidance and protection.

The way he spoke made it feel like he didn't care about it at all but I knew that deep inside it was troubling him. Even though his face was calm and voice cold, I just knew that was a lie.

"Karma-kun," suddenly someone from behind called out, making me jump slightly. As I turned back I spotted the yellow octopus. Apparently the second second period had ended and there was the teacher with a certain blue haired boy.

"Nagisa-kun wants to tell you something, right?" he turned at the boy by his side who nodded, looking very serious but nervous at the same time.

"What is it?"

It took a while for Nagisa-kun to speak up. But then he inhaled and straightened up, facing his friend head on.

"Please let's stop with the lies."

Karma-kun frowned a little, looking either very displeased or confused. Probably both.

"What are you talking about?" Rather than a question, it sounded like a threat.

But the bluenette wasn't going to back down. This might have been the first time I have seen him so determined.

"Tell us the truth, Karma-kun. What happened to you? Why don't you trust us?"

However the more his friend said the darker Karma-kun's expression got. I think it was obvious to everyone that he didn't want to touch the subject at all and that the word 'trust' meant nothing to him.

"You just heard, didn't you? Standing before the doors and all. " The face he was making right now could be described as annoyed and maybe disgusted - one would say that it was his usual irritated expression but there was more to it.

So he realized? Such a sharp kid he was. The two of them had been standing there since I and Karma-kun got back. And by asking him I hoped that they would understand too.

"What kind of 'shit' happened? That's our question." Nagisa-kun specified.

Well I couldn't hold back anymore. Time to get serious and straight to the point. No more playing around.

"Child neglect? Abuse?"

Now that I heard myself say it, I felt very uncomfortable. This was one of the most sensitive matters to discuss and even more so when it had something to do with the redhead. And yet I asked, knowing that everyone else was curious too.

Silence. Awkward silence welcomed us. No one knew what to do or where to look. One minute. Two minutes. And still everyone was waiting for the teen to speak up.

Finally, he answered: "Yeah,"

And for some reason, everyone felt relieved. The reason might be because Karma-kun was willingly telling us the truth, showing us the issue. We felt relieved despite the fact that the fact he was facing real problems has been confirmed.

Contrary to us, the redhead looked as though he was about to burst out in anger. I could guess that he was feeling very embarrased or angry at himself for letting us know. Trembling with all those feelings bottled inside. And yet his eyes were screaming out for help. Hoping that someone would at least try to understand and support him.

That's why he weakly nodded when I asked further: "Depression?"

It wasn't like I knew. I just had a suspicion. The way he acted. His violent, sadistic behaviour. The too-confident-to-be-true attitude. It just didn't fit. No one would be this way if they weren't hiding or struggling with something.

Depression was something that made you feel empty. So in order to fill in the emptiness, you would either seek pain or inflict it. On yourself or others.

It was so strange that I knew it. I have never been the psychological type. And yet it felt so obvious. Maybe, at some point in my life, I felt like this as well.

"If you told us..." Nagisa-kun started, clenching his fists. "If you told us then-"

"Then what?!" The redhead suddenly yelled, scaring us out. His voice was painted in confusion and fear.

"We could help you! We could stay by your side when you need it, not let you alone in that empty house! Koro-sensei told me! The way your house was left, cold, unused, lifeless! I could have been there for you so that you wouldn't feel lonely and sad! I am your friend!"

That made him even more furious: "What is that?! A friend? You and the whole class are just bunch of strangers whom I happen to know because of being in the same class! I have never been a part of your stupid play of 'family', never, not even once! I have seen enough to understand that nothing like this exists!"

"Then what about the time when we all laughed? When we tried to assasinate Koro-sensei?! Was that all a lie too?!"

The boys were both raging, trying to make the other see their point. While Nagisa-kun was growing in confidence, the latter started getting controlled by sheer despair.

The blue-haired boy didn't wait for an answer: "We are your family and you know that! You didn't have to reject us and lie to yourself!"

"Then what did you expect me to do?! Cry my eyes out, complain about every thing that has happened, about my crappy parents, cursing my mother who decided to leave me?! To trust someone just to get hurt again?!"

And before he realized it, he was weeping. Both me and Koro-sensei stayed silent because right now, it was battle of and _for_ frienship.

"I wouldn't do something like that. I am your friend." The smaller boy stated seriously. "You could have told me."

But just as he said that, Karma-kun giggled sarcastically, whispering:

"You could have noticed,

 _friend_."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As always, ANGST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I know - you want to kill me. I have been having problems lately, that's why I haven't updated in such a long time. Either way, I am very, very sorry TT.TT  
> As an apology - 4 chapters at once? XD

Nagisa's P.O.V. **  
**

"You could have noticed, friend," he said looking so hurt that it took my breath.

Yes, he had a point. He was completely right that I was also to be blamed for not noticing. However, that is not why I came here - to dwell on my mistakes and ignorance.

"I know I should have." Facing him, I admitted it with an honest and gentle voice. "I wish I would. That's what I said yesterday. I really am sorry for not seeing your pain, all the struggles that you're going through.  
However, unlike yesterday I realized something. Just apologizing means nothing. If I want to atone for my oblivion, then I have to take action. I will help you, Karma-kun. I will save you."

Maybe it reached him, my resolution and the genuineness of my words. Judging from his defeated expression and the unceasing stream of tears on his cheeks, Karma-kun had no idea what to do. Not only now in this situation but also in his life, it showed how tired and sick he was of everything in this whole world.

Indeed, how could something like this slip my attention?

"Karma-kun, it's time to rely on your friends and teachers." Koro-sensei slowly approached the teen who was still fixing his gaze to the ground. Maybe because he didn't want us to see him so broken.

Sensei lifted his two tentacles, one taking the boy's head and leaning it onto his body, the second to stroke it affectionately.

"It's alright to ask for help. Everyone gets hurt on their way in life and sometimes, when the wound is too deep, they just need someone to heal it. Let that's someone be us and the class E," he said while the redhead silently sniffled and chocked on his own tears.

The fact that he let himself be held by our teacher meant that he wanted help. That cold opinion of his - he never wanted it. He was forced to believe it, to believe the illusion that in this world no one could be a friend. And I strived for him to unlearn that.

Bitch-sensei slightly smiled at the scene and walked out of the classroom without making any sound. She probably concluded that her presence was not needed at the moment and wanted to give the redhead as much space as possible.

Well, now we had at least some chance to save him.

No. We will save him.

Definitely.

Before we knew it, Karma-kun fell asleep, leaving Koro-sensei's attire completely soaked. He put the boy back onto the couch and covered him with a blanket as well as the ice pack to reduce the fever. Then he excused himself for literally a second and changed.

"Nagisa-kun, I would like to ask you to keep an eye on Karma-kun," he suddenly told me.

"That goes without saying," I nodded and proceeded to walking back to the classroom.

Sensei didn't have to ask me, I promised to Karma-kun myself that I would. From now on, I wouldn't get fooled by his smiles or words, I would look deeper and deeper until I found out his true feelings. Whenever he shows me that hesitant or lost face of his, I will immediately be there for him to back him up, to comfort him. To make him doubt friendship and love - I will never let that happen again.

"Hey, Nagisa-kun, how is Karma doing?" Kayano asked as she ran towards me.

I paused a little to think through the answer. The teen didn't want to be seen as weak and he surely would not be able to stand the thought of the whole class pitying him. So instead of telling them how bad it was, I decided to tell them the truth in a different way: "It's better. He finally let himself get helped."

It seems like the class got really relieved. Okuda-san then suggested: "What about we come to his place today? To cheer him up and nurse him back health!" Her face was red but the way she spoke showed no trace of hesitation.

Most of the class nodded in agreement whereas the others (such as Terasaka and his bunch) stayed still. I knew they cared for Karma-kun but probably thought of it as embarrassing.

"I'm sorry, I have to help mom today," Okano-san stated, looking very troubled.

"I'm busy today too, sorry," Yada-san joined, her face very apologetical.

I didn't like that they were feeling guilty so I explained: "It's okay, everyone. It's not like the whole class could go into his house anyway, right? Then those who have time and want to go, raise your hand."

And I looked at the ones with their hands in air. Kayano-chan, Okuda-san, Kataoka-san, Kanzaki-san Nakamura-san, Isogai-kun, Sugino-kun and Maehara-kun.

I internally smiled.

I hoped that today, after school, we would make Karma-kun smile a bit, surrounded by the warmth that he has always needed.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

I woke up because of something really loud. I would have guessed my bookshelf has fallen down again as the sound was very similar (yes, my bookshelf has fallen on me several times) if I wasn't currently at school.

Opening my puffy eyes (I wanted to forget the reason), I took my previous thought back.

I wasn't at school, but at my house, in my room and yes, the bookshelf did fall.

For some reason, I saw a bunch of teenagers nervously running from one place to another. They were probably fussing over the old piece of wood that was supposed to be my small library. Well, with a number of the books and their weight, it was strange enough that it managed to keep up.

"A-A-A-A-Ah, Karma-kun! We are sorry, we didn't-" Okuda-san suddenly stuttered as she noticed me having woken up. She stood just next to me and stayed out of the scene.

"N-N-No! I will repair it I mean I can-" a guy voice, Sugino-kun, said from somewhere down. I guessed he was on the floor, trying to pick the pieces of my former shelf.

Now that I was more or less conscious, I looked around to re-orientate myself. Nakamura was standing with her hands on hips, annoyed at the clumsy guys who probably caused the unrest. Sugino-kun, Meahara-kun and Isogai-kun were trying to fix whatever was left, Nagisa-kun taking the books and then putting them on my desk. Bad idea, it could break down under the pressure too. To my surprise, even Kataoka-san and Kanzaki-san were there, their expression more or less irritated but still keeping their cool (unlike some blond there).

"Nagisa-kun, don't put the books on the desk. It's gonna crack too," I advised him in a weird slur but the bluenette smiled and listened.

From somewhere behind, a shadow blocked my view. It seems like Kayano-chan escaped my gaze when I scanned this room. She put something really cold on my forehead and I noticeably shivered.

"Sorry," she giggled and then went to help Nagisa-kun.

"How are you feeling?" Kanzaki-san asked as she touched my cheek.

"Hazy," I answered simply, not wanting to say more. To be honest, I felt drained. As though I had just run two miles with two hundred kilos on my back. My head still hurt, I was cold and above all, I felt weak. Not only physically but also mentally.

Maybe it wasn't the same weak as normal - rather than hurt or powerless, I felt vulnerable. Something strange settled down in my stomach as if it was an intuition warning me from something dangerous.

Could it be them? The reason my body was screaming at me to run? Could it be the fact that I let down my guard and showed my weakness to Nagisa-kun, Koro-sensei and Bitch-sensei?

What was this stupid feeling I had?

I didn't know. I didn't want to.

All I wanted was to disappear.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fun with the class and yet, Karma is so fucked up TT.TT

Karma's P.O.V.

I sighed at the overly-noisy bunch. They fussed so much about a single bookshelf and it wasn't helping my headache.

"Leave it, will you? It has happened many times before anyway."

They turned at me with apologetical faces and silently apologized. Isogai-kun just took a broom and cleaned up the mess. Finally, silence. Now I could go back to sleep.

Or not.

They were persistant. No matter how many times I tried to ignore them or sent them an annoyed face, they just wouldn't let me be. Nagisa-kun would always pop out from above, smiling at me a little forcefully and trying to get me talking. The green haired girl just coppied him.

Don't misunderstand me. I never said I would let them in. The fact that I gave in to that octopus was just because I was dead tired and lost it. Yeah, I completly lost it. I was nuts. Freaking nuts.

"Karma-kun, do you like sweets?" Kayano-chan asked me with a cheerful voice.

"Sensei secretly brought some and we found them. Feel free to take them, it's gonna make him cry," Nakamura grinned with an ill intention. The idea was fine but right now, I didn't feel like pulling pranks.

"Oh, speaking of Koro-sensei, where is he?" I think that was Meahara-kun. My hearing was getting really muffled from the bloodrush in my head.

"He went for groceries." Kanzaki-san answered with her usual elegant tone.

"So do you want them?" the blond girl asked me, turning back to the original topic.

But no matter how tempting it would be to piss off that octopus, I refused: "Sorry guys, but I'm gonna sleep a bit more," I tried to escape, rolling to my side and grabbing the blanket even firmer. Man, it sure was cold. They could turn on the heater - oh wait, I didn't pay the bills for heater. Ah, damn.

However, they didn't let me off the hook so easily: "Eh? But you have been sleeping the whole day! And Bitch-sensei said you haven't eaten anything at all!" That sounded like both Okuda-san and Kayano-chan at once.

Screw everything, I just wanted to lose consciousness. Maybe I would beat myself or something if they didn't let me. Sleep was nice. Not the one with nightmares, I meant the complete nothingness that you weren't even aware of. That empty place where your very existance disappears along with all the feelings and thoughts.

"Oh, sensei is back," Sugino stated and ran down the stairs.

Kanzaki-san and Kayano-chan went down too, saying something about helping with cooking. So they intended to stuff me like a pig, huh?

"Hey Karma, you are going to feel even worse if you sleep so much," The English gal claimed. She started poking my side. Yeah, I was ticklish but tried to surpress the urge to wiggle like a worm.

Out of nowhere, a strong wind blew out my blanket and before me stood a yellow octopus with a smug grin. I would probably hit it if I wasn't shivering. Violently sitting up, I glared at him just to get my mouth loaded with something... good?

My reflex to split it out disappeared and I ate it, to my surprise. The food was warm and soft. It wasn't like it was that delicious but for some reason, it made me feel calmed down and comfortable. If I were some kid, I would probably say that's how love and care tasted. But I knew better than to believe that.

"Was it good?" Koro-sensei asked still smiling from ear to ear as he grabbed the cover and wrapped it around my body. I think someone behind him, a girl (I hope), squeeled.

For it would be embarrasing, I rather stayed quiet and carried on chewing.

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

We tried to cheer Karma-kun up but it didn't seem to work out well. Every time we talked to him, he just shortly answered with a bored voice. I realized that we had nothing planned out, how to make him open up, what to say, we knew nothing. No matter how much I thought about it, I just didn't find it right to ask anything right now. Maybe because of there being too many people or just the plain fact that my friend was looking like death itself. It made it hard to continue the conversation and soon, we found ourselves just staring at each other, not knowing what to do.

"Uhm, do you guys want to play a game?" Okuda-san asked, trying to make the mood. Karma-kun sat on the bed (wrapped in the blanket), leaning his backs on the wall with bangs covering his eyes as if immersed in his own word.

"Sure, what do you have?" Kataoka-san nodded with a gentle expression.

But before anything could start, the redhead declared: "I'm going sleep," and with that, any attempt to improve the situation instantly failed.

I could see in everyone's face that they were confused and maybe a little upset over the way Karma-kun rejected their efforts. I was too but at the same time knew that he probably needed some time to sort things out. To believe or not to believe, to tell or not to tell, these things were occupying his mind right now.

If only Koro-sensei was here. He could have helped us, helped Karma-kun. But it seems like even octopuses could get busy.

"What do we do now?" Isogai-kun looked at us with a tired expression.

Ah, really. What now?

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

_"They have never been your friends."_

I knew. Hirame-kun, Komuto-kun, they only needed me for studies. Every time they would ask for help, for me to do something for them. I knew it all along but the thought of not having anyone scared me.

_"Silly you, wishing for things you can never have."_

For family, for people I could be sure of. "I want to be loved" - my one and only wish. And the exact reason why I turned into what I am right now.

 _"Why are you crying, kid?"_ she asked me and suddenly, I was back to my twelve years old self, hiding in a closet. Ah, I remembered that - it was the time I actually broke down and realized how useless everything was. How insignificant a life like me was.

 _"Come to me, I will make it disappear,"_ the woman had opened the doors, the evil smile of hers stabbing me like thousands of knives. She reached out her hands and I accepted them despite their rotten core, despite the killing intention emitted from them.

 _"That's right,"_ hugging me, she whispered into my ears.

_"You are nothing at all."_

And I opened my eyes, unable to catch breath nor move. Another unpretty dream. And it actually paralyzed me for a while. Recalling that I was back to the present, my heartbeat finally slowed down and I already wanted to sit up when a single sentence made me stop.

"That Karma - he's no good after all."

Yes. It hurt.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shit is going down and Karma is miserable.

Karma's P.O.V.

I stayed the way I woke up - on my side, facing wall and completly motionless. No one noticed my being awake. Even though the sleep paralysis has already worn off, hearing the familiar voice confirm my worhtlessness sure hit me.

"That Karma - he is no good after all," Nagisa-kun said. I didn't see him but was it... amusement in his voice? Was he looking down on me? Ah of course, of course he was, why wouldn't he? Seeing my pathetic self, seeing me so weak and on the verge of breaking. Of course it would entertain him. All that _'I want to help you'_ \- it was nothing more but an act. Why would I even believe in something so superficial like friendship?

"His personality isn't the best either," a guy - Isogai-kun chuckled.

"Yeah, definitely! He's demon, I tell you!" Meahara-kun added passionetly. Everyone laughed with him, even the girls.

Even though it was all true, that I was no better than a demon, I felt angry. I felt betrayed, hurt to hear all of this from those who personally swore not having any ill intentions. A part of me wanted to sit up and tell them to fuck off, to disappear from my life and never return. The other was clinging to the possibility that this was just taken out of context, that they had a reason to say that.

"So? What do we do now? Bad mouthing him isn't going to busy us any longer." Isogai-kun sighed and I heard my old wooden chair squeek as he leaned on it.

"Can't we just go home?" Kataoka-san asked tiredly. Ah, I was feeling kind of guilty now. "It really feels purposeless to just sit here."

"Well it feels like he wants us to go home anyway and it's not like our presence means much to him," Meahara-kun grunted. He had a point that I wanted to be alone right but that was 1) because of them, 2) because my head was a mess.

"Kanzaki-san, what about we go to the shop you wanted to? I heard there are some things on sale." That was Sugino-kun, sheepish, with that crush of his.

"Ah but they are closing in half an hour," the said girl sighed with apparent disappointment.

"If we went now then we could make it."

For a certain reason, they quietened down and I could feel the tension in air. As for why...

"But we can't leave him like this, can we?" A small voice objected. Okuda-san was indeed nice for showing me pity.

**I didn't want it.**

"I agree, that's just plain rude." Nakamura was in favor of the girl with glasses. "Though it's already four." or not.

Kayano-chan and Meahara-kun also wanted to go home. I understood. I wasn't their responsibility nor someone worth their precious time, was I? Quite the oposite - it felt more like I was just being a burden. Either they were pitying me while secretly hating having to deal with me or they just came for the sake of enjoying my vulnerability.

They could disappear for all I care.

"Let's at least tell him," that was Nagisa-kun. Strange, hearing it from him personally hurt more than it should.

Maybe I was bitter or annoyed from their talk, but I found myself sitting up: "No need to,"

Seeing that I was awake all along, surprise crossed their faces and they slowly processed that I had heard all of their words. What kind of angered me was the fact that they didn't look troubled by that.

"Poor you, forced to stay with someone you don't give a shit about." Yeah, I was bitter.

"What? No, what are you talking about?" That was Nakamura - her face changed. The girl was probably smart enough to understand my expression right now.

"Go home," silently and coldly, I ordered.

"Karma, calm down," the blond wanted to talk me out of it.

"It's not true that we don't care about-" Nagisa-kun joined the quarrel, but in a wrong way. The last thing I needed right now was more lies. I didn't want to let him deceive me anymore. I didn't want to hurt more than I already did.

"Is it? I mean, who was it that said I'm no good?" I smiled at him the mischievous way I always did but for some reason, it didn't turn out accusing but painful.

"No, I-" – Nagisa-kun widened his eyes in shock.

"It's not like I believed any of you. All that 'friend' act. Silly me, hoping-"

"Listen to us, Ka-" – Okuda-san interupted me but I ignored her.

"Even if I wanted to trust in any of you, I just can't. You, Nagisa-kun, Kayano-chan, everyone - the reason you came here isn't me."

"What the hell are you talking a-" – Meahara-kun.

"Isn't that right? Sugino-kun, didn't you just come here because of Kanzaki-san?" I looked at him in the eye and his body froze. It might have been really unsensitive to mention his feelings in presence of the person he liked but that was the last thing I would care about now. He tried to refuse with a 'No' but it was too weak for me to accept.

"Kanzaki-san and Kataoka-san themselves came here only out of politeness, maybe even for the sake of their reputation as the class beauty and representative, isn't that right?"

Even though I was bitter, this didn't sound like something I would normally say.

"Isogai-kun, you are the same, aren't you? With Meahara tailing you, of course." I didn't hear myself talk. I was just spitting out words as they came to my mind, not thinking about their meaning.

"I could say the same about Kayano-chan tailing Nagisa-kun. Okuda-san is just pitying me and Nakamura takind advantage of situation to blackmail me later." Where did these words come from?

"And you, Nagisa-kun, your horrible lies and promises. Don't you realize? The person you are trying to help, the one you are really trying to assure of the 'family' and 'friends' stuff - it's you, not me. This is but a result of your own insecurities and selfish desires."

What the hell was I doing?

"I hate all of you,"

_Why was I saying that?_

"Go away,"

_Isn't it me who is lying?_

"Don't ever talk to me again,"

_Why was I breaking my only hope?_

"Disappear!"

And I felt a burning pain on my cheek. Nakamura slaped me, her face furious and hard to read. With that, she sprinted down the stairs and out of the house. Everyone looked more or less the same, hurt.

Ah, I hurt them.

With that scene, they packed their things and silently went out of my room, away, as I ordered them.

I got rid of my enemies. Of impostors. I should have been happy, satisfied and glad.

So why... even after all those years. After promising myself that I would never do it again,

Why was I crying?


	20. Chapter 20

Nagisa's P.O.V.

Karma-kun hasn't come to school for five days.

Firstly we were all very upset over his words. They were accusing and untrue, resentful, their only meaning was to hurt and drive us away. Even though we all knew he was not himself, it hurt and that kind of pain - inflicted by a dear friend - wasn't something to be dealt with immediately.

The second day we calmed down, sorted things out. We were still a little angry but started thinking rationally. Karma-kun wasn't the type to say these kinds of things to the ones he held dear - that was if we meant something to him. That evening I wanted to text him but hesitated and in the end did not.

The third day Koro-sensei asked us if he should see him. Until then, he stayed down for the redhead most probably needed some time for himself. But after three days passing, it should have be fine. I don't know for sure about others but they seemed quite troubled too. I didn't waver this time and sent him in total four messages, asking if he's fine or if he needs something. I also explained that what had happened was just a big misunderstanding and that I wanted to see him and talk things out.

Needless to say he didn't respond. I'm actually afraid he hasn't even read them yet. But I can't know that as I didn't have the courage to call him and find out if his phone was still working.

The fourth day Koro-sensei let us skip one of his periods to visit Karma-kun. However, our intention didn't get fullfilled as the gates to his house were locked unlike before. It was a clear sign that the boy inside did not want any visit.

Understanding that message, we returned back with concern and maybe even regret heaving our backs. Some of us asked: "Why do we have to feel responsible? It was him who cut ties, wasn't it?" In a way, they were right. But they were also very wrong and they, we, knew it.

Karma-kun was the one who snapped, but we were the ones who let that happen. He might have heard a fraction of our conversation and if that was so, I could understand that he reacted that way. It indeed didn't sound nice when we said those things about him, even though they were meant to be a joke. But to joke about things that brought anxiety and despair to him, _in front of him,_ to that - unacceptable. And it was only now that I, we realized.

And anyway, we should have noticed his feelings a lot sooner. The fault was also ours. Mine. I failed as his best friend.

The only thing then that soothed my mind a little was that Koro-sensei told me he has been secretly making sure that Karma-kun wasn't in any danger.

But he also said that every time he looked through the window, he saw the teen lying in his bed.

Today, I called. I have called him seven times since the morning and it was only the third period. It did get through but no one answered.

I was worried. Hearing him confess his feelings, his _depression_. All of the unpleasant feelings from five days ago disappeared just to get replaced by something worse.

What if something happened? I had a bad feeling. What if he didn't eat again? He's still sick, what if he-

Oh god, he was still sick.

"Koro-sensei!" I called out, completly ignoring the fact that we were in the middle of a Japanese lesson.

"Yes?" He titled his head in confusion as he saw me standing.

There was no time for embarrasement or anything else as the only thing occuping my mind was the thought of my redheaded friend. I was scared and the shivers I was getting weren't helping. I walked up to the teacher, arm-lenght, and urged him: "Please, take me to Karma-kun!"

At the mention of his name, everyone froze and stared at me.

"Nagisa-kun, I know you are worried but-"

"Please, sensei. Just a glance, I need to be sure he is alright!" I was probably convincing because sensei sighed, patted my head gently and said: "Okay,"

I smiled. But the shivers didn't stop.

"I'm going too," Surprisingly, Nakamura-san stood up and approached us. "I overacted the last time and regret it. I want to apologize."

"Please let us be selfish for once," I turned at the class, asking them to let me go. They understood and sent me smiles of approval.

"Everyone, please stay here for a little while," Koro-sensei said and took me and the blond into his tentacles.

We arrived before the still locked gates in under a minute. Sensei flew up to the second floor, where Karma-kun's room and window was, giving us the chance to peek in.

I knew I had a good intuition when it came to my friends and it was a big advantage but for this once, I wished I was wrong.

Sensei saw the same and he immediately yanked the window open, letting us in. Karma-kun was lying on the ground, unconscious, and no matter what we did, he wouldn't wake up.

How could I let this happen?

"Hey Karma! Karma, can you hear me?! Damn it!" Nakamura-san tried shaking him, calling his name, slightly slapping his face.

Koro-sensei's face appeared calm but the way he moved his tentacles gave away just how disturbed he was. First of all he checked the pulse, than breathing and then searched for any external injuries. He found none, fortunately.

However, his pulse was dangerously slow and breathing raspy, shallow and weak. The fever wasn't any better than the first day. The boy has been lying there for who knows how long and it didn't look like he has left his room.

For five days.

Five days.

We didn't hesitate to take him to the hospital. I don't know when but Koro-sensei disguised himself as a giant nonhuman looking human. However even with that, his appearance was just way too suspicious so we called Karasuma-sensei who had arrived in ten minutes. We let him into the situation and explained what has happened. Not long later, the doors to the room Karma-kun was placed in opened.

"Are you family? I believe you know that information about patients is classified." The doctor who talked to us was young but seemed very smart and experienced.

"No, I am his home room teacher. His family is abroad and we are the only ones he can rely on at the moment." Karasuma-sensei's answer was good enough for the man to agree and tell us about the redhead's condition.

"He is going to be okay, so calm down." With that, we exhaled from relief. "However, there are some things I would like to discuss with you."

We all knew it wasn't going to be anything good but sensei nodded and let the doctor carry on.

"First of all, the boy is very malnourished and dehydrated. Aside from the fact that he is underweighted and apparently anemic, I suspect he hasn't eaten anything in the last few days. I wonder how that could happen?"

That was a low blow. I wouldn't have even dreamed of Karma-kun actually neglecting his health and meals like this and for so long. I looked at Nakamura-san, afraid of her reaction. She didn't know about Karma-kun's condition and troubles after all.

So when she didn't look surprised, I felt very conflicted. She was frowning and had a strange expression, but to me, it looked like she had expected it. How?

Karasuma-sensei just said that the boy has been absent from school school because of a cold and that he found him like this when paying him a visit. The man accepted it.

"His cold isn't very serious however I would personally pay attention to it for the time being." He added.

We nodded, thanking him. Then... then we said nothing. I wanted to visit Karma-kun. I wanted to see for myself what my actions and oblivion have led to. But I didn't.

I was guilty.

And most of all,

I was scared.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright guuuys I'm sorry once again for being late but here it is nooow XDDD Enjoy! I hope you enjoy the angst because I most certainly doooo :DD  
> Sorry.

Nakamura's P.O.V.

Karma was lying on a bed with an IV drop, white sheets covering his thin body from the neck down. I stood there, intensively observing the changes on my friend.

Though I did wonder: Did he really change? Or has he always been like this? Could it be that I just never noticed?

I didn't know what Nagisa or Koro-sensei knew, but I had a suspicion. Their dark expressions more or less gave away that being sick wasn't his only problem and now that I recapitulated the way Karma has been acting lately, it made sense.

The time at his house when he said those mean words to us - when he told me that I only wanted to take advantage of him - it made me angry. Yes, I lost it and I slapped him, because of me and the others, but also because of the redhead himself. I could hear his teeth gritting as he forced the words out. He was lying. And he was hurting both himself and us with those lies.

We have only been conversating like normal - with Nagisa, Kayano and others. We talked about how even the invincible Karma could get sick. Then it wandered somewhere between the lines of him always being so strong that it was scary and that his character was like that too.

Isogai said that it surprised him that the redhead got himself sick. "And he even collapsed," the class rep emphasized.

"Yeah, Karma-kun doesn't seem to care about his own well being too much," Nagisa-kun sighed with obvious concern. "I'm not even surprised? As soon it comes to his own health - that Karma, he is no good after all."

That must have been definitely it. The boy must have overheard the 'no good' part and misunderstood.

For him to get so worked up because of such a silly thing - it wasn't possible. Karma was the cool type, the arrogant bastard who loved to piss others off. If he himself was so easy to influence, he wouldn't be able to do that.

Which means there was something more to it.

Koro-sensei wanted to stay until the boy would wake up but we all knew that that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Having been urged by us, he flew back to the class to update them of the situation and finish the lesson. I and Nagisa were give the permission to stay until the end of the current period, then he would come for us.

Talking about Nagisa, he didn't come in. The poor boy was sitting in the hall with head bowed, unable to move or utter any word.

He was guilty, obviously. And so was I. However unlike him I had less to be feeling bad for. As I said, he knew something that I didn't. And that something was burning him from the inside.

I poked Karma's (soft) cheek.

Just for fun, the situation and my head were just too tense and I couldn't bear it anymore.

I poked it again. And again.

This time it was out of sheer desperation. I found myself hoping that he would open those mischievous eyes and diss me about how annoying I am. Or how cold my fingers felt.

Yeah, I had shivers.

Even though it wasn't any of my business - Karma's issues I mean, I just couldn't stand seeing my friend break before me. I was pretty much determined to find out what has lead to such behaviour.

What if him ditching wasn't only because of laziness? What if he has actually been like this the whole time I knew him?

Ah, I hated this. I just wanted everything to become simple as it used to be.

* * *

Today I came to the hospital twice. Once with the whole class, the second time alone.

We didn't have afternoon classes so we managed to visit him at about two o'clock.

I expected anything. Karma being all gloomy and silent. Karma not even looking at us, ignoring us and blaming us for being such horrible friends. My imagination went so far that I pictured him actually running away from the hospital and hiding somewhere. But for him to be smiling at us and looking so bright - that didn't even cross my mind.

"Hey," he greeted us with a small wave, mouth curving up into a grin.

We stood there deadpanned, unable to even return the 'hey'.

"What's wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost and peed yourself," he remarked with a mocking tone. If he wasn't sitting in a hospital bed, I would say he was all fine and maybe even asking for a fight.

Everyone seemed to snap out of it and they started talking.

Asking how he was feeling - Fine.

About his fever - it had gone down.

Was he hungry? Coz we brought food - but he already ate.

While they were laughing and joking, talking like normal, I just stood there and observed. The strange feeling hasn't disappeared yet, actually it grew stronger the longer I watched.

This wasn't right.

"Nakamura, what are you frowning for?" The redhead suddenly called out, sending me a cheeky smirk. It felt as if he was trying to incorporate me into the talk. Or that he was telling me not to ruin the mood.

Unsure of what to do, I laughed it off and blamed it on the sun being too dazzling today.

Indeed, he was way too dazzling.

It might have been stupid but I returned because of this stupid reason. It was 5 pm and I stood before his bed, fixing my eyes at his.

He didn't say anything. When I opened the doors, when I walked up to him or now. He didn't let out a single word, just laid in the bed and emptily stared at the ceiling as if my coming didn't even surprise him, as if I wasn't even there.

It pissed me off.

"You are smart after all," he finally acknowledged my presence but didn't look at me.

"I should have noticed sooner, anyone would." I shook my head, completly denying what he just said.

He snorted at that: "No one should, would and had. You saw them today, didn't you? All I needed was a credible smile and sarcastic attitude I normally have."

"That's more of a reason to notice,"

"Actually, it's not. All they know is that I am sick and that I got into this shitty place. About my feelings, my thoughts, they know nothing. And you aren't much different although you realize there is something more happening. But that does in no way mean you can do anything."

The way he spoke shocked me - so blunt, so unguarded. It was as if he didn't care about anything anymore. But that couldn't be true - he wouldn't be putting the cheerful act before Class E if that was the case.

"Are you still mad at us?" I asked out of nowhere. "You know it was a misunderstanding, don't you?"

He closed his eyes: "Sure."

And the so hated silence fell upon us. I had no idea what to say. It was too hard to butt into things he dealt with and too easy to walk away and turn a blind eye to his struggles. But I didn't want that.

"Hey Nakamura," he called me even though he was now showing me his backs.

"Yeah?"

"If you had to choose between living in pain and escaping it, what would you choose?"

I frowned at his words. What was he implying to?

"None, I would choose getting rid of the source of pain."

"And if that's not an option?"

"There's always a third option."

He stopped as if thinking of what to say next. I couldn't think of the reason he brought this up but anyway, I had the urge to show him that the 'third option' we talked about, the best solution possible to anything, was still there.

"Third options exist only in fairy tails," he murmured faintly that I almost didn't catch it. "I don't know which one is better. I never knew."

His voice sounded weak and scared, like a child's. Indeed - when I looked at the figure curving into a ball, hiding itself under the pure white sheets, he seemed like a lost child. It made me want to take him into my arms and assure him that he had nothing to worry about. That the class E and our senseis were here to face the demons with him.

"You know, Nakamura, if I had chosen one of the options before long ago, I wouldn't be troubling myself or everyone else. That's why – I will do so now."

At the point, I had sat down next to him and carefully reached my hand.

He didn't mind me gently putting my palm on his shoulder in a reassuring way and tapping it a few times. I think it calmed him down.

"Everything is going to be okay, Karma," I managed to whisper.

"Yeah, I know. Soon, everything will be okay."

With that answer, I smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't think this is going to be happy.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like... really... dark  
> To be honest I absolutely love this chapter exactly because of how grim it is XD Anyway, some deep digging into his way of thinking and memories.

My mind was blank. Even though I was walking, I wasn't consciously controlling my own body - the legs were moving on their own. It felt as though they knew exactly where to go. And maybe they did.

After the yesterday conversation with Nakamura, I gathered all of my strenght left and ran away from that fucking hospital.

The past few days, I have been thinking. About everything. About what happened and what was going to happen. It scared me and I think at some point, I decided to give up.

I mean, what was the purpose of life if my past was nothing but agony, my present life consisted of hurting myself and the ones I thought I held dear. Drowning, futilely gasping for air but choking on the water. Again and again. And future – it was going to get worse. That I was sure of. My nightmare was going to return after all.

I looked up to see where I have been lead to. The place was familiar, actually it was near the campus where the classroom was situated. Nearing the destination, I reckognized the small tree defying the laws of gravity, growing up from a rocky cliff.

My intentions were simple. As I asked Nakamura – which one should I choose? Live, no – barely survive with the pain - just to eventually get controlled by it- or escape? Hide from it, stop feeling, stop the suffering and escape from the clutches of fear of what was about to happen?

I thought I was strong enough to choose the first one. That I could cope and that maybe one day I would get freed from it. But I got proved wrong.

The second option – I wonder why I haven't taken it long ago. When I was a small weak kid with broken family. Maybe if I opted for it sooner, mom would still be alive, happy.

Or when I had lost to that bitch. Why didn't I run away that time?

The answer: I still had the desire. I had my wishes and believed that if I stayed adamant, everything would get better. Of course it didn't. Quite the opposite.

And that's how I spent the last nine or eight years. Thinking, choosing, not choosing, opting for the first one but hoping for the second one. Not being able to pick one and live along with it. Not being able to get over the fact that no one would come to help.

That's why it hurt so bad.

I stepped on the thick branch, secretly wanting it to break under me so that I wouldn't be the one making the decision come true. _Yeah sure, blame your death on a tree._ But it didn't, there wasn't enough pressure on it and a tree couldn't crack so easily. Slowly walking to its very edge, I sat down, looking up to the sky, gasping for air and engraving the sight of clouds into my mind. The green trees under. The grey vast nothingness above.

It was so easy. All I needed to do was lean backwards and let the gravity do its work. Just a small movement. Small inbalance. And I would fall. I would make the end to this torment called living, forget about everything that has ever heaved my mind.

So easy.

And yet, I found it a little paining. What would they think if they knew? Would they scold me? Carefully talk me out of it? Encourage me?

 _Fall,_ a faint voice whispered inside of my head.

I chuckled. Those thoughts were exactly why I have chosen this place. So that no one would find me, no one would see my corpse. At least like this, I could get lost without leaving any trace - no one was living in this mountain after all, not to mention this cliff or the secluded forest under.

I decided to disappear and that's what I will do.

Ah, such a nostalgy. This is the place I tried to die the first time. The time from my repetitive failures in killing Koro-sensei. Sure it was a good plan. Though I lied a little about its purpose.

Yeah I remembered what made me feel so shitty to actually jump. The few friends I had back them betrayed me, again. I don't know why I am so surprised, I have always been just something for others to take advantage of. Grades. Looks. Strength. They wanted to exploit it all.

I got a little violent after that. It wasn't like I asked for the fights but I can't say I didn't particularly enjoy them. It made the bad feelings go away, I let them surface out and take over my body.

And it felt so refreshing. To smash their skulls. To break their bones. Kick their stomach and punch those stupid faces. It was one of the few situations I could laugh in. Although I knew that wasn't healthy or right, I just couldn't help it. If hurting myself wasn't enough, I wanted others to feel at least a fraction of my pain.

The only thing that more or less kept me sane was my homeroom teacher. His constant support, his praises and encouraging words. He was something like a father figure to me, someone I have always wished for. He even told me: 'as long as you are in the right, I will be on your side'. I was so happy. I trusted him and thanks to that sorted out what was good and what wasn't. Thanks to those words, I stood up for my senpai and fought those who bullied him. Because that was the right thing and sensei would be on my side.

A lie.

"No matter how you look at it, you are in the wrong." He hissed with a furious face.

I didn't get it.

But hearing his words, I thought I was going to die.

"Your grades are the only thing you've got right. That's why I've always looked the other way!"

So the smiles, the "good job"s he told me every time - a pretense? Another betrayal?

Haven't there been enough already?

"But once you start hurting _my_ career, it's a different story."

Ah right. _My_. The most favourite word of anyone out there. "Me". "My". Of course. Of course, of course!

Humans are selfish monsters after all.

And then getting mocked so many times by that octopus. To get shown how useless and worhtless I was, by my parents, the bitch, my friends, my _two_ teachers - I wanted to die.

Yeah, when I jumped, I said to Koro-sensei: "Okay, good. Then I can kill you."

But that was just half of my intention.

Either I would kill him or myself. Prove that my life still had some meaning or just end it.

As I said. A good plan. A briliant one. If that octopus didn't save me. I wish it hadn't.

But now, there was no octopus. No fake friends, just me, the sky and ground.

And soon, there would me no me.

All I needed was a slight push.

Breath in for the last time.

Lean back.

Close your eyes.

_And fall._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traaain of feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelssss  
> Do you think I will really kill him? Yeah?? No??  
> I am capable of doing it XDD

Nakamura's P.O.V.

When me, Nagisa-kun, Kayano-chan and Okuda-san we came back to the hospital, there was a havoc. First of all, the nurses were running around and secondly, the young doctor who was in charge of Karma-kun looked confused, maybe even terrified.

We thought something has happened so we rushed to him, asking what's wrong.

"The boy isn't anywhere to be found!" he recognized us and hissed, leading us Karma-kun's room. With a loud 'bam', he slammed the doors open to reveal an empty bed and opened window. He couldn't have-

"He ran away," the middle aged man sighed, clutching his head. "Seriously, that kid! As if yesterday wasn't enough already!"

That got my attention: "Yesterday? What did he do?"

"Oh right, you don't know. He sneaked out in midnight. We found him on the roof, looking who knows where. He fainted right then and almost fell down if I haven't caught him in time," the doctor explained, shaking his head in disapproval and annoyance.

On the roof? I knew that Karma liked to spend time alone in a secluded place but a roof didn't sound good to me. For some reason, the conversation from yesterday returned to my head.

_"If you had to choose between living in pain and escaping it, what would you choose?"_

What was the escape he was talking about? Running away from something or someone? Moving? Or something... else?

 _"I don't know which one is better. I never knew."_ Could that have been a confession? Or even a plea for help?

The flashbacks didn't end. And it made cold sweat run down my spine.

 _"If I had chosen one of the options before long ago, I wouldn't be troubling myself or everyone else."_ Troubling? Whom - us? No, you aren't a trouble. You are a friend. A precious friend.

**_"That's why – I will do so now."_ **

No.

 _'We found him on the roof,'_ the doctor said. _'Almost fell.'_

That couldn't be. He wouldn't. There was no way.

No fucking way.

I sprinted out of room without telling my friends anything - there was no time. I had to help. I needed to find him. Nagisa and Kayano ran after me and called me but I ignored them, taking out a phone and calling Koro-sensei.

Just after one ring, he picked up: "Hello, Nakamura-san? Wha-"

"Sensei! Please find Karma! He ran away from hospital and I am quite sure he wants to do something bad!" and with that, he ended the dial.

I was running towards his house, hoping that I was terribly wrong. Nagisa and Kayano were still behind me and when I stopped before the enormous empty house, we were hardly breathing.

"N-Naka-mura...san, what-" Nagisa tried to get out a question but failed. I understood though.

"Karma... in... danger. We must find him!" I deeply inhaled, regaining strenght and straightening up. We had climbed up a tree to see no one home.

Where could he be then? Wandering aimlessly around? He was still sick, he couldn't get too far, could he?

"Let's try the class," Nagisa suddenly suggested and for some reason, it sounded very logical. Nodding, we ran to the mountain.

* * *

Koro-sensei's P.O.V.

I firstly told Irina-sensei and Karasuma-sensei of the situation. The more people searched, the better.

Then I flew around the town, scanning everything of red colour. It took me long five minutes to confirm that the boy wasn't wandering in the centre or anywhere near the buildings. Then where? Where haven't I looked?

The answer striked me immediately - school. The campus. That's the only place I have left out before.

What Nakamura-san said scared me. She was a calm person, maybe rash, but not someone to panic over insignificant things. The very fact that she cut me off in the middle of sentence, that she screamed into the phone while running (I could hear her movement and puffing) and straightforwardly voiced out her suspicion - that was enough of a bad sign.

From having heard about Karma-kun's situation and feelings, I could imagine the worst case scenario and I prayed for it to only stay a scenario.

The school grounds were empty. Not even the teachers seemed to be there anymore.

Was he further? That must have been it - but this mountain was way too vast. I needed to find him instantly and to investigate every part of this forest would take at least five minutes. I tried to recall any place where he could be hiding.

The first thing that came to my mind was the dangerous place he tried to assassinate me with that crazy plan. And I rushed there as quick as I could because now, the only thing that occupied my mind was the picture of my redheaded student falling down with a smile on his lips.

Please, let this be just a stupid joke.

And it wasn't. From very afar, I spotted a familiar figure with black blazer sitting on the edge of the tree branch, nowhere near safe. I already wanted to cry tears of relief when Karma-kun's body suddenly relaxed and broke the touch with tree. This sigh - it scared me the same way as the first time. Or even worse.

He was falling. And there was a good chance I wouldn't make it.

Three seconds. It would take three seconds for me to get there. The question however was - did I have them?

Panicking, I tried to get faster. To be honest, I might have evolved into Mach 25, considering just how fast I got to him.

As soon as I was near enough to be able to grab him, I slowed down a little in order not to harm him. Without any hesitance, I reached out my tentacles and caught the boy, pulling him closer into a hug.

He noticed the change - from cold, chilling air to a warmness of another being, from the painful loneliness to having someone near - and he shot his eyes open: "What are you doing?!"

I was mad. I was confused, scared, sad.

"What am I doing?! What are _you_ doing, Karma-kun?! What were you thinking!" I hissed, feeling my face change from yellow to red. No, black. No, blue. I didn't know anymore.

We got back to the land but I still haven't let go of my student. He fought me, urged me to let go of him.

"LET ME BE! JUST FUCKING LET ME END THIS ALL!" he screamed while kicking and shaking, his voice going all hoarse. I didn't. If I let go, he would either jump again or break down right there and then.

I was still mad. But the sigh of my little beloved student made me hurt to that.

"Karma-ku-"

"WHY DID YOU CATCH ME?! WHY CAN'T YOU LET ME BE FREE?!"

"Wha-"

"I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS LIFE! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS PAIN! WHY DO I HAVE TO ACCEPT IT ALL?!"

"You aren-"

"JUST KILL ME ALREADY! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO-"

"KARMA-KUN!" I shouted to get his attention. We were both sitting on the ground now, but my tentacles were still keeping him together. I promised that these tentacles would never let go of the children. And that promise I intended to keep.

He wept.

"I don't want to live anymore..." the boy whispered while sniffing and crying his eyes out. Gently, I caressed his head and hugged him tigher.

"It hurts, sensei. It hurts so bad." I could see that. His breathing. His pulse. His tone. All of them were so wrong. I no longer had any idea of what to think or say - my dear student just tried to take his own life. Never have I even dreamed of that.

"It hurts so bad I want to die." he muffled a cry by my attire. I had burried his face into my chest and started radiating heat to warm him up - the boy was freezing. And indeed, the trembling from before started dying out.

"Karma-kun... you aren't meant to bear your pain alone." I started carefully. "Even if you were made to believe that nothing like friendship and love exists - let me assure you, it does."

He shook his head violently as if not wanting to have any of it.

"Do you feel this warmth? The comfort of having another person here? Affection?" I asked. "Don't you think that's how love would feel?"

The boy squeezed his fists and started weakly hitting my chest with his face still burried into me.

"Sensei is here to catch you when you fall. Sensei is here to guide you through your worst times. Remember the time on school trip? Do you recall the happy times with your classmates? That couldn't have been a lie. It wasn't a lie, Karma-kun."

It felt like the boy started crying even harder.

"We are here for you, Karma-kun, just as you have always been here for us. If it wasn't for you, who would help Terasaka-kun realize his mistakes and make up for them? Who would become the hope of class E when exams are nearing? Who would defeat Grip and save the whole class?

Don't give up yet. Stay with us.

We need you."

The redhead stopped hitting me and instead dropped his hands, now wrapping then around me.

And I realized that maybe,

maybe those three words "We need you"

were all that he ever wanted to hear.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a small reminder - Karma jumped from a cliff.  
> Unfortunately (for him), Koro-sensei caught him so he didn't die.   
> What happens neeext?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEWWW UPDAAAATEEEE  
> Does anyone still remember this fic? XD

* * *

Koro-sensei's P.O.V.

He fell asleep. Who knew crying could be this tiring?

Anyway, I think that was a good thing. I needed time to prepare myself to think of arguments to make Karma-kun see my point.

Picking the poor boy up, I headed back to the classroom where I bumped into Nakamura-san, Nagisa-kun and Kayano running towards us.

"Sensei!" Nagisa-kun cried out when he was me holding the redhead. I smiled at them weakly, indicating that everything was fine now.

Letting out a sight of relief, they collapsed down to the ground and started cursing the redhead:

"That Karma... I am going to... make him... regret scaring us so... much!" Nakamura-san grinned playfully.

Kayano nodded quickly, trying to say something too: "I have never... run... so fast!"

This made my heart calm down a little. The children really cared for each other, I knew that, but after hearing Karma-kun claim otherwise, seeing him do something so rash and dangerous - I needed a small reassurance that we could help him.

"My dear students... You already know that Karma-kun is going through a bad time."

They quietened, looking up to me seriously.

"This is a request. Make him feel home. Make him realize that we are his family and that we will always stand by his side. I will try to do so too but you as his friends are most important." And they nodded, biting their lips with pained face.

This kind of thing was too much for children. The seriousness and heaviness of life, the good and bad... options - to kill or not, to die or not to die. That should have never even crossed their minds. Children were meant to stay pure, innocent, protected.

Where did all that disappear from Karma-kun? I regret not noticing the absence earlier.

Either way, if he didn't have anyone to protect him until now, I would.

* * *

Three hours later:

Having Karasuma-sensei talk with the doctor and persuade him to release Karma-kun, I have taken charge of the boy. At the moment, we were at the Akabane residence, the boy still sleeping in bed.

And I was bored.

So I cleaned his whole house, sorted things out in his room, built a new and bigger bookshelf, made a research on some very nutritional, tasty and easy to digest meals, cooked some and bought a heater. I noticed only now that this whole place didn't have heating (it didn't work) and as it was already autumn, the temperature drastically dropped.

The boy still wasn't waking up. So I planned out what to do after he did. My list looked like this:

1/ Eat.

2/ Sing songs to Karma-kun (karaoke?)

3/ Play games

4/ Draw and colour pictures

5/ Watch drama: "The spring of last year,"

6/ Snack

7/ Read a book before going sleep.

8/ Put him to sleep at 21:15

And as I reread the list, satisfied, the certain teen stirred in his sleep and suddenly opened his eyes. Confused, he looked around the room and then laid his gaze on me.

"Karma-kun, hello-" I wanted to greet him but he immediately hid under the sheets. To be honest, he looked like a white fur ball.

"Karma-kun?" I poked the blanket ball. "Karma-kun? Karma-kun? Karma-kun?" And every time I called his name, I shifted from one place to another, still poking him.

"Karma-kuuun! Look what I have made up! A plan for today!" I excitedly declared and pulled away the covers, revealing the kid. He looked at me in surprise and horror but before he said anything else, I shoved the list into his hands.

The redhead examined it and the gave me a disgusted and annoyed face.

"What's wrong? I did my best!" I whined, genuinely dejected from his reaction. I expected him to smile and say _That's wonderful, sensei!_ or _Thank you, I love you, sensei!_

It seems the shyness from before got beat by his current irritation: "Draw? Colour pictures? Reading me a book and making me go sleep at nine p.m.?! What am I, a kid?! The hell, you octopus?!" And he crumpled the list, throwing it at me in a similar way to that of Irina-sensei.

"And besides! We don't have karaoke! I don't like dramas! And I am most definitely not going to play video games with you!"

Crying, I took his hands into my tentacles: "But sensei did his best! And look! I bought some new CDs of the drama! I recharged the game consoles! I also made beautiful drawing of me in a warrior armor!"

Handing him the perfect autoportraits of me, I hoped that he would appreciate my hard work.

He tore them all apart.

"NUAAAA?!" I cried out, frantically picking all of the paper shreds and glueing them all together.

I turned at Karma-kun, ready to scold him. But I stopped when I saw the teen lightly chuckle.

"Pff," he tried to hold it back but I could see the corners of his lips curving up and soon, he was laughing.

All of the frustration from having my plans devastated disappeared. The sound of real amusement, the geniune smile on his face - it was so beautiful. So innocent and precious. I wanted to protect it. I wanted to hear it more, to make him happy.

"Sensei, you are pathetic," the redhead managed to state while holding his stomach.

Coming to him, I put a tentacle on his head and affectionately fondled him: "I indeed am."

For hesitating. For not knowing what to do. It was so easy.

I just needed to love him.

Karma-kun stopped giggling and stopped moving altogether. He locked his eyes on his hands, feeling situation getting awkward.

"Can I really trust you, sensei?" it came out silently, as if afraid of the answer.

"Of course you can. I swear on my life."

The redhead still refused to look into my eyes.

"I am not going to mention what has happened today to anyone. But Nagisa-kun, Nakamura-san and Kayano already figured out."

He weakly nodded.

"However, I insist on you relying on me and telling me what lead you to do such thing."

He took longer than I would like but nodded nontheless.

Seeing that this kind of atmosphere was no good, I took the initiative to start off the conversation again:

"BUUUT! First of all, FOOD!" loudly and happily, I declared and ran off to the kitchen for my speciality.

"Burger With Mushrooms and Radicchio! Rich in iron, proteins and fiber! Mushrooms contain antioxidants too! This meal fills you up! Now, go ahead and see for yourself how heaven tastes!"

And the boy just sat there, dumbfounded at the abrupt change of subject, staring at the dish I was holding. I awaited something like refusal or disgust again but instead, the boy sighed, gentle expression on his face and he, finally letting down the facade, whispered:

"Itadakimasu"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AY! Karma's eating! Can you actually picture him trying to stuff the huge hamburger into his mouth and failing miserably?
> 
> I should be sleeping XD Bye bye, love you all!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo recap - Karma almost killed myself and right now it's left to Koro-sensei to somehow pull him together...  
> LOOOTS OF ANGST AND FLUFF HAHAHAHAHA

Karma's P.O.V.

I told him almost everything.

What had happened when I was a kid.

What had happened after dad leaving.

How we lived alone.

How mom killed herself.

Sensei's face looked like the time Okuda-san gave him the poition. Blank.

I started talking about the bitch.

About her behaviour, her wicked hobbies and the way she treated me.

I described her pleasure as she broke me, put me together and then torn me into shreds. Again and again. And every time she did that 'put together' part, she would forget some pieces or destroy them beyond repair so that in the end, what was left of me was nothing but a shattered image of something that used to be a human.

His expression darkened, veins popped and face turned red. Then black. Furious.

What however scared me much more was the way I was speaking. Calm. Distant. As if it meant nothing to me, as if I was just a narrator of some story, from different time and different place. Shivers ran down my spine when I mentioned a nasty story, but I felt like smiling. Laughing as though it was the funniest joke I have ever heard. Indeed, my whole existance was a joke.

Was this the automatic defense I have built up after all those years? To pretend cheerfullness when feeling threatened? In danger? Haha, how pathetic.

But I didn't tell him more. He asked for the past. And that's what I gave him, no more.

Don't get me wrong, I trusted him. I always had, him and the whole class. It was just that in the hurricane and chaos that was taking place in my head, I lost sight of the important things. Of what was truth and what wasn't. And when people don't know, when they are confused, they get into a defensive mode - they don't trust, they don't risk. They drive others away in order not to get hurt and the words like 'trust' or 'family' - they mean nothing.

Just ask those who lived their whole lives in a war. Would you expect them to suddenly believe in others if they grew up being taught that everyone is an enemy?

Of course not.

But even though the tempest has calmed down a little, even though I knew they were the ones who would accept me no matter what, I didn't tell him any more. I didn't mention that she was coming back. That this living hell was going to return. And in four days.

I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to crack up into a mad laughter and then cry my eyes out and then punch the fuck out of myself and I don't know what else. I was scared. But I didn't want to tell them. Call me an arrogant bastard, a coward, but I didn't want to lose any dignity left. Not before them. I said before, didn't I? They meant the whole world to me.

Ah, really, where was the smartass from before? The Karma who had answers to all questions, solutions to all problems? Why couldn't I get any sense to my actions?

"Sensei, I don't want anyone... to know." It was a plea. For him to give me chance to become the one they knew, to keep myself from breaking. If I had a reason to live, if I had them, then maybe I could pull through.

His face was still red. But he nodded, understanding my intention.

I sent him a warm smile and with that, Koro-sensei calmed down, exhaling. It seemed that every time I snapped out of the depressing state, his mood would improve. Maybe I could make use of that if I needed to convince him that I was fine.

What am I thinking? Lying to them again?

I should stop with those thoughts.

"Now then, Karma-kun! Let's read a book together!" He suggested out of blue, taking out four strange books which I have never seen before.

"I wrote these when you were sleeping! Which one do you want? This one?" He opened the red one and I froze at the sight of a certain yellow octopus in a armor with class E like his army.

The very fact that he made the book like for kids, drawing pictures and having so little text there pissed me off. I was no kid. The room temperature dropped ten degrees but I was the only one aware.

"Or this one?" Yellow paperback with a picture similar to that of Alice in wonderland. Except for there was no Alice but my stupid teacher. He drew Nagisa-kun as white rabbit and me as a naughty Cheshire cat.

Wasn't it quite cold?

"Ah this one sure is interesting! I was inspired by the time Nagisa-kun had to crossdress! Our class with everyone's gender switched! Don't you think they all look so beautiful!"

Seeing Terasaka in girl version and Nakamura in boy's was fun. But as soon as I saw myself - was that a miniskirt?! And why was I flat?!

I was about to kill him.

"And the last one! You know, I like this one the most, it's about-"

It was his porn.

"AAAA, NONONO- THAT'S NOT- THIS IS JUST A- SOMEONE SET THIS UP I MEAN, SENSEI WOULD NEVER-"

Before he could even convey the message, I took those books and threw them into his face. I got a stronger urge to kill him when he avoided them as if he was completly innocent and didn't deserve it.

"DIRTY OCTOPUS! DIE! DIE! DIE!" shouting, I took every single thing I had by hand - books, pillow, pencils - and threw them at him.

My throat hurt and so did my brain. I had enough for today. My attemt to kill myself. The octopus and the three idiots finding out. Me being saved despite having resolved to end it all. And then being talked out of it. I was a weak ass. And this much gave me a headache.

Though I must admit that this little incindent made me feel less horrible.

Exhausted, I lay down and covered myself with blanket, ready to sleep. It was still so early but my mind was hazy. Unable to work or think up of anything useful. Like how to survive four days from now. That's why I needed to dive into the nothingness - at least for a little while, if not forever. To forget.

A soft sensation on my head. It was Koro-sensei's tentacle, he was standing at my side. Looking into his eyes, for a moment, I had a feeling that he could see right into me, through all of the barriers and masks. As though he knew of it all. Of my fears. Of my being tired and powerless.

And without knowing it, tears started falling down and wetting my pillow.

He didn't panic. He didn't utter a word. He just stood there, carresing my cheek so softly and lovingly, wiping away the ugly fat drops and guarding me like a parent. He didn't stop or go away even after I got drownsy and ceased crying.

The last thing I remember is that he tucked the blanket up to my chin and never left my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, I was gone for too long, so I'm triple updating :D


	26. Chapter 26

Nagisa's P.O.V.

It was friday. Which meant-

"WAKE UP, KARMA-KUN!" Me, Nakamura-san, Okuda-san and Kayano-chan kicked out the doors to his room, smiling brighter than the sun itself.

What I didn't expect was having eight pencils simulously flying towards us, almost piercing us through if it wasn't for the reflexes we gained over the last year.

The culprit behind this assasination was no other than Karma-kun, his face _very_ gloomy and mad. Dark aura radiated from him and he took other pencils, sharper than blade, ready to send them this way.

"Let. Me. Sleep," He hissed, giving us such a murderous expression we all froze, unable to utter a word. Karma-kun wasn't just some scary demon. He was the scary demon king _himself_.

"But we-" And before I could even finish, another pencil cut through the air, hitting the wall an inch away from my cheek. Now I was really afraid.

"Now, now, Karma-kun! You shouldn't threaten your friends like that!" Koro-sensei suddenly showed up before us and in an instant confiscated all of the weapons from the redhead. I didn't feel any safer even then.

The teen didn't look anywhere near pleased and he groaned, lying down and hiding himself in the sheets. We carefully approached him, looking out for any other ways he could massacre us. He did not.

"How are you doing?" Nakamura-san asked with a kind smile even though Karma-kun wasn't watching. When the teen didn't answer, her face got a little troubled.

We all were very troubled. It seems that only I and Nakamura-san know of what could have happened if it weren't for Koro-sensei. Kayano didn't quite grasp the situation so we hid it away from her and Okuda-san was way too kind, she would be feeling awful if she knew. And to tell the whole class - unthinkable.

"Karma-kun, let's forget about what had happened and make up." I said, referring to both the fight we had and the incident from yesterday. I was sure he would understand too.

He didn't come out of the hideaway but I heard a weak "Yeah" which relieved us. Koro-sensei said he talked with Karma-kun yesterday and briefly told me about his stepmother. Even though he skipped what exactly has been happening, I could say that it wasn't good. But at least we knew that the redhead was now willing to accept help.

"Everyone, please take care of Karma-kun for a while! Sensei is going to get some pizza from Italy!" And as soon as our teacher said that, he disappeared throught he window.

"Pizza? I want some too!" Kayano shouted into air, hoping that sensei heard her.

Now then, how to deal with our friend here?

Nakamura-san sneaked to the bed without making sound and then abruptly took the blanket away, revealing our redhead under. He was asleep though.

The four of us stood there, dumbfounded as for how Karma-kun managed to fall asleep within a minute and even while Kayano shouted.

"He must be pretty tired," Okuda-san laughed, taking the sheet back from the blond and covering the teen.

"How about we make him something to eat?" Kayano suggested enthusiastically, taking Okuda-san's and Nakamura-san's hands. "I saw a really good recipe on TV yesterday! Let's try it out!"

And the three of them went downstairs, leaving me to Karma-kun.

* * *

Nakamura's P.O.V.

It was nice that Kayano wanted to cook. Though it would be much better if she knew _how._

"Eh? How come it's not soft?" She scratched her head in confusion, observing the piece of meat she put into a pan. It was supposed to look really good and all but instead, it turned into a rock.

"Maybe we used the wrong formula? I mean, maybe the reaction must have been altered because of too little or much sodium chloride." Okuda was scribbling something down her journal, mummbling something about reactions and for some reason even acids.

I sighed, taking a look on our second dessert. The green haired girl said she wanted to try baking tart but the very second I looked into the oven, my heart skipped a beat.

"K-K-KAYANO! THE TART IS GOING TO EXPLODE?!" I warned the girls and as soon as they saw the dough inflating, they started panicking too.

The girl in glasses went through her notes and then stopped at one page, her eyes widening in horror: "AAAH! I MISCALCULATED IT!"

I tried to calm her down and understand what the hell went wrong: "Okuda! What happened?!"

"I put four times more of sodium bicarbonate then I should because of forgetting to square root number four! And now that it's being heated, the amount of dihydrogen monoxide and carbon dioxide will make the tart explode, furthermore, even what's left won't be edible because of the redundance of sodium carbona-"

"Could you please say it in a way even idiots understand you?!" Kayano whinned, completly out of it.

"Long story short, this is going to explode!" I summerized and as soon as I did, the thing we were talking about made a loud noise and the oven ended up completly messed up.

As if it wasn't enough, fire alarm suddenly started ringing and we realized that the meat on pan was being burnt into ash. And so was the pan.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

I woke up because of smell of smoke. Nagisa-kun was sitting before me, obviously also very confused about the scent.

"What the hell?!" I groaned, sitting up and ready to go down and see what for god's sake was going on.

"Kayano, Nakamura-san and Okuda-san said they were going to cook but it seems it didn't go well. I should go help them," and with that, he ran off.

After exactly two minutes I heard a scream of three girls and one boy. And that was it. I was going down to take care of the situation, then make them beg for forgiveness and let them redeem their actions. Whatever it was that they did.

When I walked down and saw the commotion, my eye twitched in annoyance. Unbelievabe what those idiots managed to cause in the short time they were here. If I can't kill myself, can _at least_  I kill them?

First of all, black smoke came from both oven and a pan. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it did. Secondly, there was a brown mess all around the floor, making it near to impossible to walk around without slipping and smashing the shit out of one's head. Last but certainly not least, Kayano's apron was on fire.

Nakamura was trying to splash a bucket of water on the green haired girl who however ran around in panic until both of them fell and the fire spread from one apron to another. Okuda-san and Nagisa-kun then extinquished it for good.

"Karma...kun?" the blue haired boy gaped as he noticed my presence.

"You guys are so dead," I laughed in such a cold and threatening way they all turned pale.

Really, once you have a bunch of noisy idiots in house, no such thing as peace exists. I didn't even have time to get depressed or embarrassed about yesterday.

In the end, I was the one cooking and the four sat on the floor, scrubbing every inch of it and muttering "I'm sorry" every second.

Needless to say, they got no food.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was more of a comedy, wasn't it? To be honest, I think that giving Karma something to laugh at would make him feel much more better (and hopefully you guys too). So here it is.
> 
> Thanks for being patient and I hope you liked this chapter!


	27. Chapter 27

 

Nagisa's P.O.V.

The weekend we spent taking care of Karma-kun. We initially wanted to cook lunches and dinners but as it turned out, Karma-kun learned a lesson from the last time and made us sit like dogs while he would be in charge of the kitchen. Although we felt very embarrassed and useless, the purpose of our visit was fulfilled - he ate. He laughed with us at the table when we talked about jokes or interesting things. His condition has improved significantly and today he could finally go to school as if nothing happened.

"Yo," he waved at us as he entered the classroom, looking as confident as ever.

"KARMA!" Everyone ran to his side, hugging him, some even crying of relief.

"Are you okay?" Kataoka-san asked, taking his hand.

"Sorry for the last time, it was a misunderstanding, I swear!" Meahara-kun bowed twenty times in the speed of light, shouting.

"Did you really get yoursef into hospital?! Don't be so careless, man!" Isogai-kun sighed, hitting the redhead's back with his palm. Ah right, no one apart from me, Nakamura-san, Koro-sensei and Karasuma-sensei knew of the exact reason Karma-kun was admitted there. We had no intention to let it be known.

"Sorry, I might have overestimated my limits." He chuckled. This time it was a normal, cheerful smile. I think that seeing everyone showing care made him happy.

I approached the redhead. He noticed and sent me a warm expression, as if in _thanks._ It wasn't worth mentioning, all I did was what a friend would do. Help, support, care, love. All that I failed to do before. But now would be different. Now I would know where to look, what to say, I would notice all kinds of things about him and never hesitate to help.

"Let's see who we have here! And you were still so pathetically sick yesterday! Do you really feel up to being here? I could call the ambulance right away if you needed," the mocking but chummy voice belonged to none other than our blond girl friend.

Karma-kun grinned and then faked to be dizzy by putting the back of hand on his forehead: "Oh no, I think I'm going to faint! Please take care of me as cutely as yesterday, Nakamura-chan." And with that, he let himself fall forward into the hands of the girl, making her face go red.

We all laughed madly at the scene. How could one believe that this boy was drowning in despair just few days ago, seeking any way to end the pain?

I laughed so much that it made me cry.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

Today was nice. At first I was very awkward to go into the classroom - I thought that they might be upset over what I have told them last time. Or that they would be too hesitant to talk to me. So I did what I was the best at - pretending confidence.

It worked. And the longer I was there, the less it felt like pretending. I was happy. I was relieved and for some reason even forgot about everything else. The only thing in my mind were the lessons and fun assassination attemps.

What I was very grateful for is that Nagisa-kun and Nakamura stayed quiet about what has happened. That they didn't make a fuss about it and instead decided to face me straightforward, coming all the way to my house and spending time with me. Although it might feel just normal to others, to me it meant a lot.

Though I would appreciate it if they didn't blow up my kitchen.

But now, the school ended. I sat in the classroom, watching everyone go home. And I thought. Do I want to be alone there again? Do I want to cope with the shitty reality?

No.

I could wander around the town until night. Or better - wander in a forest. It was silent and peaceful there. And maybe, if I were lucky enough to forget the way out, I could get lost and-

What was I thinking again? The octopus would find me within one minute.

But I didn't want to go back to that prison. I didn't have enough courage to return there on my own.

"Karma-kun, are you free now?" Suddenly, the blue haired pipsqueak asked, making me snap out of the hurricane of thoughts.

It took me a while to process his words. "Huh?"

"Man, are you still asleep? We asked if you are free." That was the blond, making a sarcastic grin.

Smiling, I internally thanked them: "Yeah, sure. You got plans?"

Both of them seemed relieved and ethusiastic, nodding, taking me by my hands and leading the way.

* * *

It wasn't only us hanging out. The whole, I repeat, _whole_ class, which meant all 28 students and three teachers, decided to throw a party out of blue. I have absolutely no idea how but all of them came in half an hour, having decided on karaoke.

There are a few things I'd like to mention.

Terasaka sounds like a dying elephant.

Meahara and Isogai's duet strongly reminded me of a love story.

Bitch-sensei could join the "sing-and-strip" club.

Karasuma-sensei could join the "eliminate-the-sing-and-strip club" club.

**Koro-sensei will never go to Karaoke again.**

Don't ask for details. It's for both my and yours sake.

But well, it was fun. Okuda-san stuttered a lot, Nagisa-kun as well, Kayano-chan was actually good, Nakamura liked to dance a lot, Itona tried to duplicate the microphone, Hazama-san knew lots of curses. I have seen more than a normal mortal should have.

They couldn't come to my place as it was monday. To be honest, I was kind of sad but there was no way in hell I would tell them or ask them to stay. No fucking way. And besides, that was selfish. I could manage just fine.

The house was still dark and cold. I hated coming here every day, getting greeted by that disturbing tranquility and seeing things that belonged to my parents and me from long ago. It made me feel nauseus to touch the doors which they so gratefully abandoned. It burned to use the pans mother held in her palms to cook. Or to walk around the broken mirror which my father had broken when fighting with mom.

I was sick.

Ignoring it all, I made my way to the room, took out earphones and turned the music on. The moment I did, I almost jumped out of my skin as the volume was on 70%. Now that I think about it, the last time I used it was when I felt really, really, really like shit. Makes sense.

But now, having today's memories in my head, there was no need to use that much force. Actually, the today warmed me up a little.

I went sleep with a lullaby and a small smile, remembering that I still had some light in my life.

* * *

_Ah, Karma, dear._

_Did you actually forget?_

_Your time left is:_

**_15 hours._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hohoho, guess what?  
> Hell is coming.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourself, guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYE I'M SO SLOW WITH POSTING NEW CHAPTERS, I'M SORRY!! BUT I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS QUICK :D   
> 4 CHAPTERS AT ONCE YAY  
> Sorry XD

Karma's P.O.V.

"So? What will it be today?" I asked with a grin as my two best friends approached me.

Nakamura poked my cheek, muttering something about my being an ass. But not even once had her face become annoyed or serious - it was of pure amusement.

"Actually Karma-kun, seeing your mortified face after yesterday's karaoke, we think it's better for you to decide. Where do you want to go?" Nagisa-kun seemed a little sheepish while scratching the side of his head.

That was so considerate of them. Indeed, the _fun_ from the day before left me traumatized for the rest of my life, but I was glad just for the fact that they made the effort. So there was no reason for me to be 'picky'.

People never know what they have until they lose it.

I didn't want to loose them.

"It's okay, whatever is fine," was my answer. I wasn't even aware of it but my gaze slowly slipped from my friends down to my desk and I spaced out.

It was so unreal. The very thought of such happiness. Could it be like this forever? Us laughing, joking and hanging out together without any worries. Me and Nakamura forcing Nagisa-kun into dresses, me and Nagisa-kun watching films together, our whole class enjoying our time killing Koro-sensei. They screamed yes. Their expression, eyes, gestures told me that all of this already became reality.

And yet I had a bad feeling. Too beautiful to be true. Too hopeful for someone as hopeless as me. I was happy, so very happy. But deep inside, I was scared. Scared that if, no, _when_ this all shatters, I won't be able to go back. That at the time, I will give up for real. And there will be no one to save me.

A slight shake brought me back to the present. The two of them hovered over me, radiating concern and repeatedly calling my name. Seeing that I was down to earth again, they left out a sight.

"Is something wrong?" Nakamura was the first one to speak up.

For some reason, I had to force out a smile because there was something grim inside my chess. It was a little hard to breathe.

"No, sorry. What did you guys say?"

None of them seemed satisfied with my reply. Were my manipulating and acting skills getting rusty? Not good (or?). Either way, I just couldn't kill the mood like this. There was no chance I was letting my thoughts and stupid feelings spoil their enthusiasm and effort. As if someone could be so selfish when the others did their best. No, I didn't matter. They did.

Was that wrong?

No. Of course it wasn't.

They were more important.

More than anything else. _Much_ more then me.

"You don't look good. Are you still sick?" Nagisa-kun put a the back of his hand on my forehead but I smiled, this time a lot more trustworthly, and straightened up. He withdrew it.

"I'm seriously fine, sorry for worrying you. I just thought how lucky I am to have you guys." And with that, their lips formed into a gentle smile.

It was getting really hard to breathe.

"C'mon, I am so bored after school. Where do we go? And don't say that whatever of yours!" The blond whinned and punched the desk to emphasize her point. Both of them watched me in anticipation. A sweatdrop ran down my temple. I had a certain place I wanted to be at but they wouldn't like it.

"Well?" Ah, what else was I supposed to do with their stare burning me?

"The forest," I started out. "I just want to lounge around in this forest,"

I kind of expected them to look troubled. It was the forest where I had disappeared into when trying to jump off the cliff after all. It was the forest that had hidden me for so long. They knew it. But they didn't know that this was also the only place where I found peace. No idea why. It's just that every time I felt shitty and heavy, I just wandered off into it and then collapsed somewhere on the ground or climbed up a tree and spaced out. Fresh air. The sound of living beings - birds, squirrels, the colour of nature. It dulled my pain.

"Alright," the blue haired boy smiled though, taking my hand and gently pulling me up. Nakamura's expression was no sunshine but she nodded in agreement and followed us.

I went ahead this time, but that does in no way mean I knew where we were going. Just... going. Walking, step after a step, taking in the green and getting lulled by it.

My head was spinning.

"Woah!" Both Nakamura and Nagisa-kun caught me as I slightly slipped forward.

Internally cursing myself for almost giving in to the old bad habbit of breaking down whenever entering this forest, I turned at them with an embarrassed giggle: "I guess saying that I merely lost my footing isn't the most assuring thing to do, is it?"

"You think?"

"Are you really fine?"

Aside from the difficulty breathing and my being lighheaded, yeah, I was fine. But all of this was just the side effect of my uncomprehendable inkling that something bad was going to happen. It was impossible to figure out what though. Anyway, nothing serious.

"I just need a break, that's all." This wasn't a lie.

Wait. When did I start with the lies again?

Didn't I promise to be honest? To stop hurting them? Or was I that incompetent to be unable to protect those who I held dear from my own self?

Cold.

In the end, I wasn't able to do much except for lying motionless for two hours and doing my best to win the fight with... myself. Yeah, I was being ridiculous. I didn't understand it at all. What was happening.

Nagisa-kun and Nakamura just sat there without saying a word, letting me cool down. To be frank, it wasn't very calming, but just having on mind that they stayed, that they accepted this broken, it helped.

* * *

_That day, eight o'clock_

The very second I stood in front of my house, I knew something was wrong. The doors were not locked.

That strange, heavy feeling from today returned. As for the explanation of it - I couldn't think of any.

I didn't even have to. All to do was step inside and for the first time in three years see the lights turned on.

And it hit me. Today was tuesday. Twenty seventh of october. The day she returned.

It made sense now - all of it. I learned to suppress things that were killing me. I learned to forget things I didn't want to remember. I wanted to forget that the bitch was going to be here again. How could I even let myself believe that I was going to be happy? That everything would become better? There have always been buts. And this one - though unconsciously - I wished to reject.

"Oh? Lookie who is back~" Her light, slow steps pierced through the silence. I couldn't even move from the spot.

"Did you miss me?" The bitch now stood before me, her face as arrogant as ever.

She didn't change much. Her hair was still to the waist, nails long and painted, eyes sadistic you could see brutal bloodlust in them. The only difference now is that our height was the same.

I didn't answer, instead I maintained a blank face and stood there despite the fact my legs wanted to give up.

"Oh, you grew up so much? You are very handsome to that," She ran a finger from the side of my cheek down the throat. The sensation could be compared to a knife slicing through my skin. And it wasn't that far from truth, I felt small blood drops streaming down from the injured place, slightly staining the white shirt.

As if the sting from her nails wasn't enough, I bit my tongue to force out: "Get out of the way, old hag." I hated her. And now that I got a little better thanks to my friends, I just had to say it. For the sake of saying it.

Her brows rised, face in obvious surprise and displeasure.

"Impudent, aren't we?" She dig those sharp things into the back of my neck, now holding it in a clutch and not letting me even move. "Are you actually still being stubborn?"

My cold gaze still didn't fade. It was the only barrier left between the two of us.

"But you know, no matter how much you try, your existence will just never mean anything."

"Shut up,"

"Abandoned by everyone. Hated by everyone. You are nothing but a burden."

"You're wrong."

"Am I? Or are you just lying to yourself again?"

Lying. Was I lying? It was hard to say. Truthfully, the number of lies I have uttered is much bigger than the one of truths. Growing up fake and building a facade, it got harder and harder to tell apart the genuinity and the deception of my words. Even the expressions were getting muddled. Talktive, outgoing, brave, cheeky - that's the character I created, hoping that somewhere along the lines it would become the real me.

If I was smiling - that means I had to be happy. If I was crying - sad. But in the end, everything got so messed up. And now, in my case, smiles meant the same as the tears. Nothing.

"You see? You are just trying to force yourself into believing in the good. Look carefully. Wake up. In this world, no such thing exists." She was suddenly whispering to my ear.

Feeling her so close, I shivered and jerked my body, getting my nape scratched by her unwillingly letting go. And yet, the woman didn't look bothered.

"Oh, you are so pale I'm worried. Let me paint some colour into that beautiful face of yours." She licked her lips with a malicious grin, grabbing my wrist

And as she pulled me into the kitchen, her voice turned into a sweet threat.

_"Red really suits you."_

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

The next day, Karma-kun didn't come to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The shit is going down.


	29. Chapter 29

 

* * *

Nagisa's P.O.V.

Karma-kun didn't come to school today.

I looked at Nakamura-san who seemed as troubled as me but said nothing as the first period - Japanese was just starting.

Koro-sensei came in and took attendance but he already knew of the ones who were missing - only the redhead teen. It was too early to say if something has happened and we all hoped for him to show up later that day with some half-assed excuse.

When the third lesson ended, I just had to take out my phone and call. I might have just been paranoid but better be safe than sorry. It rang only two times.

"Hello? Karma-kun? Are you okay?" my voice was much more concerned than I expected.

The boy on the other side sighed and then chuckled: "Haha, you worried? How sweet, Nagisa-kun. Sorry, I just thought I would have a look on the new film that comes out today."

I deadpanned. Like for real?

"Karma-kun... are you serious?"

"Well it's a good one apparently and I wanted to see it. Too bad it starts during school."

And here we were, pulling our hair out because of him while he was enjoying some film. He even sounded so damn happy?! Honestly I had a feeling he was trying to mock us.

"Please come to school when you finish," I said with gritted teeth, smile on my lips but feeling nowhere near cheerful.

However, my friend just had no intention of doing so: "Nope, too much of pain. Oh, by the way I found a really entertaining game. The graphics' really good and there's lots of killing and torturing and gore. Wanna try? I just bought it."

Nakamura-san was now sitting next to me, listening to the conversation and laughing at my annoyed face.

"No, thank you very much. And you shouldn't skip so much."

"The game is actually pretty hard? I just barely passed level 2." Was he really playing it while talking to me? And intentionally ignoring my advice? Before I could even retort something, he added: "Ah, this one will take at least a few days to finish."

"You don't mean-"

"Woaaah! Damn I got killed! Welp, see you in four days!"

And he hung up, leaving both me and the blonde girl staring at each other with a dumbfounded face. This redhead of ours - was he kidding us? To think we even worried? But at least nothing bad happened. Hearing Karma-kun so thrilled and enthusiastic kind of made up for the fact he was ditching school but still, I was annoyed.

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

I put the phone on the ground with a chuckle. Nagisa-kun must be really angry right now. I could very well imagine his disapproving face, thinking what a slacker I am. It made me feel a little bit better.

Well then, back to the problem... what do I do about all the blood here?

I mean, I could barely move, the bathroom was too far, not to mention I couldn't even get out of my room since I had locked it. Thanks god for that though.

Looking at the time, 10:58, I relaxed in relief and closed my eyes for a bit. By now, the bitch was already gone so it was the right time to take care of the wounds.

I lightly touched the cut on a side of my forehead and winced in pain. It was a deep cut and the blood was still blocking my view. My right hand throbbed even though I didn't even use it and my clothes were torn, painted in dark red.

It hurt.

Standing up seemed near to impossible. Yesterday when I escaped the old hag and locked the door, I passed out right there and then, hitting the floor real hard. Aside from the lightheadness and potential concussion, again, I worsened the pain on my stomach and somehow bruised a leg.

Waking up ten minutes ago, the pool of blood greeted me which I respnoded to with sheer shock and used such cuss words I didn't even think I knew. It was difficult to use the smashed brain of mine but at least I still remembered something from yesterday. Unfortunatelly. It would be nice to forget. Or just die.

Ah, stop with this.

Finally managing to pull myself up, I groaned as the wave of dizziness hit me and I stumbled. Thanks god for the walls. It took me probably a few minutes to regain ballance and then I walked out of my room, heading to the bathroom. Just as I said, that whore was gone. She always left before ten o'clock to meet up with her bitchy friends or with dad in a restaurant since she hated it in this house. Talking of dad, he hasn't returned yet - for now it was only her.

I entered the room, passing a square mirror where my awful, lifeless self reflected. I ignored it. All I needed for now was a just quick shower to wash away the blood and the yesterday's pain. It was going to be okay, I just needed to take care of the wounds, bandage them and then act as though nothing happened. I just needed to go back to the class to hopefully get all happy and better again. And if such thing wasn't possible, then I just had to tell myself that as long as I keep on pretending, somewhere along the lines, it will become true.

Right?

For some reason, I didn't feel the water. It hit my face, my back, my shoulders and yet my body was numb, completly oblivious to the warm stream or the burning pain from the cut on my head from yesterday as she threw a dish at me, the bruise on my wrist as she cuffed me to the table, my arm injured from when I defended myself from her stabs with the fragments of that porcelane, the throbbing on my whole body as she kicked me.

Instead of pain, nausea came. I recalled her sweet, satisfied face when I was too weak to resist. The way she affectionately played with my hair, telling me how beautiful it is. Her poisonous touch, running down from my forehead, enjoying the red liquid and spreading it down my face. Whispers that switched from telling me how worthless I am to how much she wants me. Or rather, how much she wants me broken.

And then the kiss. Her harsh, gross kiss that made me cry in terror and disgust.

Rub it. Rub it off. With soup, with a brush, whatever! Just rub it off. The sickening sensation of her lips, the dirty feeling.

In no time, I tasted blood. Stopping for a while, I touched my lips to see what I have done but it wasn't them, but my tongue. I think bit it.

And thanks to that, the haze that beclouded my mind cleared, making me realize that I have been standing here for at least twenty minutes. I dried and dressed myself, carefully, and then took out bandage from a cupboard.

The way I covered the wounds wasn't anywhere near good but that was the last thing I cared about. Now that I was done disguising myself as a mummy, I returned back to the room with an old towel and bucket of water to clean off the floor. Took me just a minute since I only wiped it few times and then I locked myself again, drew the curtains and collapsed onto my bed.

I hurt so bad.

My body, my mind.

I wanted to _see_ them again.

And yet I didn't want to see anything at all anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you hate me for hurting him so much, but I also know you love me :D  
> Someone had to do it.


	30. Chapter 30

Nagisa's P.O.V.

Today we would visit Karma-kun. Koro-sensei had agreed, being worried just like me and Nakamura-san, despite the convincing, carefree speech our friend gave us. No matter what, be it his laziness or love for films, it was strange for him to skip after finally looking so genuinely happy. His smiles weren't fake, there was no desperate or confused mood, all that I saw was relief and the feeling of belonging in his eyes.

Then why would he skip again?

It wasn't right. I called him today but Karma-kun just laughed it off, claiming to be killing time with that new game of his. If I didn't know of the redhead's tendency to lie, I would believe it and not worry. But the very fact that even Nakamura-san was uneasy confirmed my suspicion.

"Nagisa, you are frowning too much," the blonde haired girl remarked, giving me a reassuring smile. She was just as anxious as me but still stayed firm and unhesitating, unlike me. I admired her for that strong character.

"Students, prepare yourselves! I will take off in: three," I closed my eyes to mentally prepare myself.

"two," a deep breath.

"one!" And we flew up. The accelarating always made me feel kind of sick but soon after, the flight would get much more comfortable and we could enjoy the scenery.

Not even ten second later, we arrived at the Akabane mansion. Sensei knocked at Karma-kun's window in a second floor but no one answered. So we opened it ourselves.

"Hello?" I called out as I entered the room. However, there was no trace of my friend.

Nakamura looked at me, puzzled: "He's out?"

Appparently yes. His bed was a mess and the table burried beneath a pile of books combined with some game discs I have never seen. Was the redhead really only playing them these two days?

"Sensei, what do we do now?" I wanted to ask myself but Nakamura-san was faster. "I don't feel very good with the idea of waiting until he returns. We never know what could have happened."

Our teacher scratched his head, thinking: "Indeed, this is such a tricky situation. Then~ what about we ask him?"

Both me and the girl deadpanned, surprised by Koro-sensei's suggestion. We broke into Karma-kun's house just to call him and ask straightforwardly where he was?

Seemed legit.

I took out a phone and dialed his number. After quite a long time, his voice said quietly: "Nagisa-kun?"

"Ah, Karma-kun! What are you doing? I hope you didn't mess around too much, you know that school is important." I decided to rather get to the issue indirectly than to question his whereabouts just like that. If I did, he would be aware of the fact we were in his house and if something was really happening, he would lie again. So this was a good way to find out the truth.

The latter snickered: "Yeah, yeah, sorry. But you can't deny that the lessons are boring."

"Only you find them boring, since you, well, know it all already."

"Haha, can't help it, I'm a genius after all." He put on an amused and cocky tone.

I sighed at that boasting remark and returned to the main purpose of this call: "So? What game is it now?"

"This time it's not a game. You see, I ran out of food so I went to buy some and then I saw this really good bookshop with music and films and stuff so at the moment, I am trying to choose between 'WW3-battle' and 'Demons of the underground'. Though I think I'm gonna buy both of them."

Immediately taking another step, I pretended to be surprised: "Wait, you aren't at home? I just wanted to come." Nakamura-san and Koro-sensei were holding their thumbs (Koro-sensei could do that too?!) up in an approval to my acting skills.

"Huh? Nope, sorry. Won't be till the evening, probably. What about we hang out tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is Thursday. The classes!" For some reason, I was losing my temper but at least tried to hide it.

Karma-kun let out a breath and I could imagine his annoyed face: "Ah right. Well since I ditched two times already, I guess I will have to come."

Even though everything - his voice, his words, his actions were saying that he was alright, I felt uneasy. I knew that if he was hurt or anything, he would stay home and skip school and think of excuses. However, this time he didn't know of us being here so there was small chance of him lying. And then he himself suggested going to school.

"Okay then. I will see you tomorrow then." And with that, I accepted his 'bye' and ended the call.

Everything was okay. Right?

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

I grinned at the thought of my friends worrying. Was that mean? I didn't mean to make it sound like that, it's just that it feels nice when there are people who care.

And yet I had to decieve them.

Of course I wasn't looking for books or films. Or course I didn't buy groceries.

I was just sitting on a hill with earphones, doing my best to stay away from the sight of anyone I know.

Everything went just as I expected. Nagisa-kun and Nakamura would most likely be able to ignore my absence for a short time. Which means that either today or tomorrow they would come to my house to make sure I was fine. However, if I wasn't there, they would either have to call or wait.

If they called, just right now, all to do was say a sensible reason why I wasn't home. And that would rid me of any suspicion.

If they however decided to stay, I would know the moment I stood in front of the house. The only way in was either through the doors which were locked or by a window in my room which I had open (it didn't matter much since not many people lived there and it was a second storey). If they cracked in, the window would be off the position I put it previously. And I could calculate that precisely just by a single sight.

Either way, I would go back to the class tomorrow. Not going would make it obvious something wasn't right. All to do was be careful so that no one would see my shoulder, back or forearm and head. Hair and clothes would hide that perfectly so the only thing left to worry about was P.E. and Koro-sensei's observant eyes. But I could blame that on being lazy.

Now, wasn't I genius?

Of course not. Genius would find an answer to his problems instead of running away from them.

I had to fight, I knew. It couldn't go on like this anymore. They were waiting for me, they were ready to accept me and I wanted to go back to them. Class E, my friends, my teachers. The ones who haven't lost hope in me yet.

But what could I do? Honestly, I was scared of that woman. It pained me to admit it but my body froze when I saw her sadistic face, my legs turned jelly when she reached her hand out to me and my head spinned like crazy. It got hard to breathe, to see, to defend myself.

I didn't get it though - why? I wasn't weak, not even some high school thugs were capable of beating me, dirty tricks and methods were nothing new and using them was my speciality. However, when it came to her, I was nothing. I was a kid, a vulnerable, useless kid waiting to get devoured by a monster.

How was I supposed to fight like that?


	31. Chapter 31

Karma's P.O.V.

Despite having two days to recover, my body stil hurt. I was lucky - she went on a party the day I woke up in a pool of blood. And yesterday she stayed at her friend's place with a hangover so she didn't even come to the hell called home. I hoped that today she wouldn't return just yet.

I was making my way up to the mountain at a speed comparable to a snail. Partly because of the pain and partly because of the fear that my friends would find out. I didn't want to trouble them, I was enough of a burden even before all this shit began.

Suddenly, I felt presence of someone behind me. It was a boy judging from sound steps. Instead of turning around, I did my best to appear completly relaxed and carefree since there was a 99% percent chance of that person coming to me himself and question me about my absence.

As I said, Isogai-kun ran towards me and with a big "Hello, Karma!" he hit my back in his usual greeting. I winced at the impact and kind of fell on my knees but quickly regained composure.

"Was that necessary?! You scared the shit out of me!" I turned at the latter, faking an angry but amused expression.

The black-haired boy only laughed it off, helping me up: "Sorry. I was just eager to-"

"-scold me about skipping school? You should wait in the line behind Nagisa-kun, Koro-sensei and Nakamura."

But he gave me a kind smile and shook his head: "No, I had no intention of doing that. However, not attending classes really isn't the best thing to do. Though I know that you work hard and anway, let's be happy that you came today."

I couldn't say anything for a while. That dazzling, honest face wouldn't let me lie without feeling seriously guilty. Isogai-kun was one of the kindest people I have ever met. He believed in his friends unconditionally, helped them, always stayed there for them. Instead of criticizing their mistakes, he appreciated their effort and put forward suggestions to improve. He was so affectionate, loving his family and doing his best to support them. This blackhead was such a tenderhearted, considerate person. Someone I wanted to be when I was a child with big dreams. Someone I wished to have when those dreams shattered.

"Karma-kun?" I probably spaced out again because the boy's expression switched to a very concerned one. He had a hand on my shoulder (which was thankfully okay) and stared at me.

I found out why a few seconds later when I percieved a tingling sensation on my cheek. Touching it, my finger came out wet and it was only now that realized those were tears. But I wasn't crying. I would know if I cried and I never did, especially not before someone I know.

"What the hell? I think something fell into my eye," I said, rubbing it. If this was a lie or not, I did not know.

Isogai-kun seemed confused about how to react: "Um, are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Sorry for making you worry."

And we didn't discuss it any further. I was glad that he was that understanding to accept my excuse and I went along with his attemps to cheer me up.

When I arrived to the class, to everyone's surprise, Koro-sensei ran towards me together with Nakamura and Nagisa-kun, pulling my cheeks.

"Hey, that hurts!" I slapped their hands away, ready to let some tears slip away again. Though this time it would be to make them guilty (but I think they would be laughing their asses off so I didn't do it).

"I'm glad then! You deserve it for not coming two days in row!" The blond girl was annoyed, her hands crossed.

Koro-sensei fondled my head and I unconsciously flinched a little, remembering that I had things to hide. I don't know if he noticed but decided not to let him talk: "Sensei! Stop it, I'm not a kid!"

"Says someone whose excuse for not going to school is wanting to play games." the blue-haired boy remarked sarcastically.

Making a proud face, I shrugged my shoulders complacently: "It was worth it though."

They all eyed me which made me feel very uneasy. I kind of knew they would be suspicious but tried to make them loosen up, to not be so tense.

Unfortunately, it didn't work. My instincts were able to detect both Nagisa-kun and Nakamura's bloodlust, not to kill, but to find anything wrong. To see if my behaviour and words were genuine. Knowing that, I was careful.

However, there were people who I couldn't fool.

Bitch-sensei noticed my inability to answer her questions as quickly as before. It was hard to think, my head hurt because of the sunlight and my stomach felt like it just had a rollercaster trip. She only sent me looks, but when I almost drifted to sleep, she walked towards me and pulled my face up.

My heart stopped for a while. It was way too similar to the time that whore forced a kiss on me, hands holding chin, her eyes burning mine. For a while, I forgot to breath.

However, she only frowned and then her sight shifted up to my head. The frown only deepened and only when she told me to go to the teacher's office and I touched the place she was looking at, I remembered I had a cut there. How could I forget?! How could I be so careless?!

"Go, kid." Her order was more of a plea than a command. Being aware of her seriousness, I stood up and headed towards the place where Koro-sensei and Karasuma-sensei were, ignoring the questioning gaze of my classmates.

The teachers didn't look very surprised when I came, more like they expected it. Karasuma-sensei stopped whatever he was doing on the notebook and the octopus made his way to me: "Karma-kun, what brings you here?"

Annoyed by the fake cheerfullness, I snickered: "Don't ask such a stupid question. You know that yourself, since it was you who actually wanted me here, wasn't it?"

Knowing that I looked through his stupid, noobish act, his smile faded and to my shock, he wrapped his tentacles around me and carried my into a chair in front of Karasuma-sensei.

"This might hurt a bit but keep your eyes open," he stated before pulling out a small fleshlight and piercing a hole to my brain with it. Screw that 'a bit' of his, it hurt as fuck.

After that, he said: "Karma-kun, answer my question: How much is square root of 196 multiplied by three and divided by two?"

What the hell was this about?

"Twenty one," I said, puzzled as for what they wanted to do.

The P.E. teacher than told me to stand up. As soon as I did, he attacked me with a rubber gun. I was slow to notice, barely managing to do dodge it and almost falling backwards if it wasn't for the yellow thing picking me up and making me sit again.

Both of them glanced at each other.

"Definitely a concussion." Karasuma-sensei announced, putting the knife into a pocket.

"Excuse me?"

"First of all, your pupils are dilated and don't respond to light the way they should. You are also sensitive to brightness." The black-haired man stared at me.

"Your answer to Karasuma-sensei's question was 0.128 seconds slower than normal." Koro-sensei suddenly added.

"The same goes for your inability to completly block my attack. Not to mention your balance is off."

Were they serious? Were they really doing experiments on me just because of something like this? Hell I knew I had a concussion, as if the nausea and headache wasn't enough of a sign. They did not have to pierce holes into my brain or pierce holes into my body with that weapon to tell me.

"Huh, what's the deal? Koro-sensei also isn't right in the head and does anyone care?" I tried to pull off a joke so that they would stop with those dead-serious faces. But as none of them replied, I sighed and leaned on the chair, closing my eyes. I couldn't escape it seems.

"So? What do you want me to do?" I cracked an eye open, completly abandoning the happy me that existed for the sake of others.

Karasuma-sensei stood up with a notebook in his hands: "I have to do something so I will leave you to him. It's going to be better like that anyway," and with that, he left the room.

For a while, I just gazed at the closed doors and lost myself in emptiness. Then, the yellow octopus interruped my non-existing train of thoughts: "Karma-kun, what happened?"

I decided to be at least partly honest: "I hit the floor."

"How?"

"I passed out."

His expression was of sheer horror. He took my face with those jelly limbs of his and then quickly stuffed something very sweet into my mouth. He must have thought I neglected my meals again. I did but not that badly. But at least him thinking that was better than knowing that the psycho stepmother was back. While I munched on that piece of chocolate bar, he was looking for all kind of food and at last brought a dish of teriyaki.

"I'm a bit sick," that was the truth. He realized that was a symptom of concussion too and for a while felt conflicted. Then he made a deal with me that I would eat at least three spoonfuls and then he would let me be. It was really good so I managed to down one fourth of the dish but then immediately stopped as anymore would result in me puking my guts out.

Sensei tucked me with a blanket like before, as though I was sick, allowing me to sleep.

Was it bad for me to be like this? To let him spoil me, to care about my well being?

Did I even deserve this kind of treatment?

Because in the end, I was just lying to them all again.

Wasn't I?


	32. Chapter 32

Koro-sensei's P.O.V.

As soon as Karma-kun fell asleep, I went out of the room to see Karasuma-sensei's progress. He decided to wait in a different classroom, typing something on the computer.

"Done?" He asked as soon as I entered. I nodded, wondering how he understood as his gaze was still locked on the screen.

"Yes, I have also put a baby monitor there just for sure."

For some reason, the man gave me a strange look, making me tittle my head in confusion.

However, the teacher didn't want to explain: "Forget it, I think I got something."

And with that, I walked up to him, having a look on the files opened in his device. There was a profile of my student with basic information - Akabane Karma, born on December 25, blood type AB.

I asked Karasuma to find out something about his parents. He works in ministry of defense so it was possible to get into such documents though to do so would require either permission (which would be both complicated and time consuming to get) or some craftiness. In this case, we could assume it was the latter.

"It says his mother died almost four years ago..." Karasuma-sensei remarked, scrolling down to reveal something horrible: "Suicide?"

I didn't expect that. Karma-kun told me that his mother died, that was all. However, I did not expect a suicide. To experience the death of an important family member was painful enough but to know that it was a suicide, that the person was sad, frustrated, tired of life while living with you - that was an agony. Something like this just had to affect the child's mind and now the further I read, the clearer it was to see that he unconsciously followed in her steps.

His mother didn't say anything to anyone. Nor did the redhead. She kept pretending in front of others. The same went for him. She jumped from a bridge. He from a cliff. He knew what it means to kill, to die, before entering this classroom. Before even becoming an adult or even teenager.

"His father used to work as a politican but now is a world trader. He is remarried with an American named Cicely Gray, aged 31. There's not much info about her though."

I quietly read through everything, careful not to miss anything relevant. Just as Karasuma-sensei said, miss Cicely's personal information wasn't avaible as it belonged to the american files. But that was not a problem - we had a techonology bender in class E, didn't we? I just needed to message Ritsu-san to check her profile after English lesson ends. And add a note for her not to tell anyone about it. (Done).

The man suddenly spoke up: "I have to dig deeper for Mr. Akabane's current doing."

Our P.E. teacher sure worked hard. Obviously, getting his hands on such files could cause him troubles. And yet he did.

"I'm sorry for asking you to do this," a little guiltily smiling, I said.

However, he shook his head: "It's fine. I don't mind and would probably do it sooner or later anyway. He is one of my students after all. To protect him is both my job and will." And with that, he stood up and went off somewhere.

Karasuma-sensei must have been feeling way too embarrassed to say that.

How cute~

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

What was I? A kid? A baby?

That's the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up, seeing a small device on the teachers' desk and recognizing it.

I did _not_ need to be monitored.

Actually, I could as well do whatever I wanted without anyone knowing. And considering how much this pissed me off, I would. A small prank would be nice, wouldn't it? What about using some glue on the chairs? Or folding the papers into some pretty shapes? A pink office would be nice too. Oh, I know! Let's blackmail Koro-sensei with those sweets of his (unfortunately for him, the hideouts were known to me)!

Or you know what, screw it, I was way too tired for this shit.

Instead, I decided to return to the class. It was boring, lying around all day and just sleeping. Honestly it surprised me that the octopus let me ditch lesson like that just because of being kind of injured. But I didn't like it.

Being with class E was much more better. Much more soothing than standing in the rain, than fighting with drunkards or hurting myself. It brought peace to my mind and somehow, the fake smiles became real. Every time. Because they would always find their way to my heart and fill in the holes and cuts and burns.

Without fail.

* * *

Nakamura's P.O.V.

I don't know what happened the first lesson. Bitch-sensei just sent Karma somewhere and he went without a word, leaving his bag here. So he must have been at school. I couldn't ask or discuss it with Nagisa-kun as currently, we had History and Koro-sensei was strolling around the class, kindly silencing anyone who interrupted with the class.

"The Paleolithic Age is the longest period of human history, dated from 2,5 milion years BP to 8000 BP. At the time, humans called Homo erectus started using fire which-"

Ah, I couldn't listen to this. It was boring. Who the hell cared about something from 2,5+ milion years ago? Like was it even that important? Why didn't we learn some interesting stuff like the world wars and then economical issues? I think we needed that more than knowing the measurements of Homo erectus' skull.

Only two minutes left. I just had to withstand the two minutes and then I could go out, curse History lessons, curse myself for not having enough of passion or patience.

Karma still concerned me. After all the time we spent with him, I was sure that he was going to get better. Indeed, he was. But then, he didn't come to school. Not only was it fishy, but also worrisome. The redhead was aware of that and the person we are talking about would never let that happen. This friend of ours was secretive and capable of doing almost anything to hide his problems. Which means that this time, it had to be something big for him to fail ridding himself of any suspicion. Even from the time at his house, I wasn't convinced. He could have planned it all out, Karma was smart. Maybe Nagisa-kun wouldn't expect that but I did. The way my and the red-haired boy's mind worked was similar.

Before I knew it, the bell rang, indicating the end of the torture and sensei left from the window, saying something about buying the limited edition of some magazine which I don't really want to know about.

I stood up, rushed out of the classroom and as soon as I was out of the earshot, I shouted out of frustration.

"What the hell are you doing?" Suddenly, a male voice asked from behind me, so close it made me jump in surprise.

To my horror and embarrassment, one of the causes of my distress stood there, grinning in a mischevious way.

"N-none of your bussiness. Anyway, what are you doing here? Where did you even disappear to?" immediately switching to a different subject, I asked.

He sighed and for a milisecond, I saw his eyes lose focus as if countless of thoughts and calculations occured in his head, making him consider his words and the answer to give me.

"Bitch-sensei sent me off to become a lab rat. Don't make me talk about it," in the end, he decided to keep it a secret. I didn't want to pressure him but for some reason, I did.

"What do you mean? Lab rat,"

Karma probably didn't think I would be demanding proper answers. His face didn't change however, only there was a small hesitance.

"They tested my reactions to make sure I was okay. That's all."

Was it? It didn't look like he was lying. But did it really take a whole hour? I now realized that all this time, he wasn't lying - he was just not telling me everything. But well, what right did I have to make him spill everything out? It was enough already that I forced him to talk despite him not wanting to.

Out of blue, Nagisa-kun called out: "Nakamura-san! The class is going to-" and he stopped as he got a glance of the certain redhead. Running towards us, he asked the same things as me. Needless to say Karma told him the same thing like he did to me initially, giving me a pleading look not to mention anything.

Why was he trying so hard to conceal his feelings? His fears, troubles, cries for help.

After everything that we went through,

why didn't he trust us yet?

* * *

Karma's P.O.V.

Sensei was pretty shocked when he saw me sitting in the classroom, chatting with everyone as if nothing really happened. He wanted to shoo me back to the couch and rest but I made it clear that I did not need it and that I wanted to stay there.

He understood.

The rest of day indeed made my mood. It was easy to tell that Nagisa-kun's aim was to distract me from anything depressing and sometimes when he didn't know what to say he brought up silly things. Nakamura on the other hand stayed quiet, looking at me, scanning me with those eyes and probably wondering what I was hiding.

Of course she would know. She was smart.

But at the same time, she was kind. The blond would not make me talk unless it was really important. Even before, in the hospital, no such thing as pressure existed. Instead, Nakamura thought of the core of the problems, she dug deeper and deeper, looked for the reasons, looked for the clues. She sure as hell was reckless but when needed, she was very careful.

Thanks to this mountain, this room and the people in it, most of my pain got forgotten. The headache and nausea slowly dissipated, having been replaced by a warm feeling in my chest.

Unfortunatelly, this couldn't last long. In an instant, school was over and I had to go home.

The doors were unlocked which means that whore was home, much to my misfortune. For a while, I considered staying out for this night or even going back to the classroom and telling Koro-sensei, but in the end did not. I decided not to run away and fight, didn't I?

Opening them, I entered and tried to confidently walk past the living room towards my bedroom. As expected, that bitch was lying on a sofa, watching a TV.

"You finally home, brat? Good, make me some food." She ordered, slurring some words. It seemed she was drunk again which made me wonder why she has been drinking so heavily lately.

"Go and make it yourself. I have things to do."

And now it started.

She turned with me with face painted in rage, making it hard for me to breath: "What did you say?"

But I couldn't back off: "I'm not your slave, bitch."

As soon as I let that out, she stood up abrutly, a psychotic smile on her lips. She walked up towards me which I unconsciously responded to by taking a step back. Her palm was now on the wall, cornering me, her face near mine that I could smell the horrible smell of liquor. Did I mention that the nausea kicked in again? On the other hand, there was a small euforia from being able to speak up against her.

"Aren't you getting too cocky? Was the last time not enough?" She threatened with that bottle in her right hand, waving it in front of my face.

I bit my tongue out of the habbit to stay composed. I was trained as an assassin. I could fight, defend myself, in the worst case scenerio run fast enough. I was strong. So there was no reason for me to fear her... right?

_Then why am I trembling so much?_

"Get your hands off," it went out as a hiss but my eyes did not leave hers, showing the determination burning in me.

And she lifted that bottle to hit me. Although my reflexes and body weren't in the best state, I managed to duck and the glass shattered from the impact.

I just needed to punch her in the stomach and it would be game over. However, my head suddenly protested because of the sharp and quick action and my vision got blurry, making me lose my footing. I fell down, completly disorientated.

She took advantage of that and hit me, pinned me to the ground and drunkly spat out death curses. My brain hurt even more with how loud she was but I did my best to shake her off by kicking and using my hands to throw her off.

"DIE! FUCKING BRAT!" A shriek almost pierced holes into my ears and with that, cold fingers found their way around my neck, depriving me of the oxygen.

"Let...go!"

But no matter what I did, she strangled me with all she had. This was bad, this was very bad. Everything was going dark and my limbs got weaker.

What was I thinking? Going agains her when I was injured? When I still wasn't ready? Why didn't I just ask for help?

Maybe, if I wasn't such a horrible friend and useless son, nothing like this would happen. If I had been there to help instead of ignoring mom, she would still be here. Or if I didn't lie to class E, I could be half-heartedly laughing with them.

Wasn't everything I did completly wrong?

What if I just gave up? Would that atone for all of the bad I did?

"Give up," she mirrored my thoughts and the last thing I remembered was having a single tear stroll down my face before losing consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys wanted this to have a happy ending buuuut...  
> You'll see XD


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will love this

Nakamura's P.O.V.

Of course I wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily. Pfff. As if.

Maybe I didn't have the courage to ask him but I had guts to find out myself. And even if not, Koro-sensei and Nagisa would suggest it anyway.

Just by the way, Okuda, Isogai and Kayano decided to join us. They said that it would be nice to come by instead of leaving him on his own. That's right, we just wanted to visit him again, make sure everything was alright, that he was alright. As for why, to be honest, there was something making me uneasy. Not only me, Nagisa and (surprisingly) Isogai had worry written all over their faces though sensei was the only one who crashed into a lamp, being lost in thoughts.

Talking of him, he gave off a really gloomy and dark aura. Actually, he was sweating all the time as if he was afraid of something but we all dismissed it as his impatience to meet Karma.

"So? How do we do this?" Nagisa laughed nervously now that we all stood before the house, unsure of how to continue.

"Just knock, I guess?" Kayano answered, stepping in and ready to hit the doors with her fingers. However, a sound of glass breaking followed by a loud thud sent shivers done our spine and immediately, we tried to open the door, calling Karma.

"Hey! What's wrong?" despite him usually being calm, Isogai was now shouting, getting panicked even more as the noise continued.

Koro-sensei slipped a tentacle through a keyhole, picking the lock in under one second, and we rushed in. The horrifying sight left us motionless.

Karma was lying on the floor, eyes closed and his face pale. Above him a foregin looking woman with blonde hair and crazy, furious expression. She was choking him. She was crushing his neck with those fingers, digging her nails into his skin.

**She was killing him.**

Koro-sensei's face immediately turned pitch black and he flew forward with no hesitation, jerking the cunt away from our friend and pinning her to the wall. I have never seen him this angry. _I_ have never been this angry.

All of us hurried to Karma, heart almost stopping.

"He's not breathing!" Okuda-san cried out, tears falling down.

This was bad. It was as if time stopped, everything in slow motion and painfully intense. I couldn't loose my cool. I had to take care of this. My friend was dying in front of me, I _had_ to pull myself together!

I tried to check his pulse but failed as my hands were trembling and my whole body stayed frozen. Kayano understood and did it on my behalf: "It's still beating!" she declared, some hope still left in her eyes. I slapped myself few times.

"We need to do CPR!" Nagisa said, looking at me, Okuda and Kayano. I didn't really care who would do it, boy or a girl, the only thing on my mind was to get Karma back.

Seeing that Okuda was barely breathing herself, sniffing and scared, knowing that Kayano had never taken CPR lessons, I took the initiative myself. Tilt the head backwards. Pinch his nose. Breath in.

The redhead's chest rose which made me calm down and proceed. I could do it. I could save him. I just needed to breath for him until he would be able to do it himself.

_Please be okay._

_Breath._

_Please._

_Don't give up._

And as if in a reply, the boy suddenly flinched and I broke away from him, letting him inhale on his own. I cried. I know I cried real hard, together with Okuda and Nagisa, scared to death and relieved. The two of them burried their faces into his shoulders, weeping and repeatedly calling his name. Isogai let himself collapse on the floor and Kayano smiled warmly with glossy eyes. I just sat there with messed up face, hair, mind, sobbing, frowning, smiling, laughing, emotions mixed and yet all my fears disappeared when I saw Karma's chest steadily rising and falling, colour returning to his face. He was fine.

Koro-sensei glanced at us and as soon as he saw his students safe, he said: "Take care of him, please." And disappeared somewhere along with that woman who had by then lost consciousness.

It didn't matter anymore. I would kill the fucking hoe later. For now, I just needed to let it all out.

* * *

Koro-sensei's P.O.V.

The moment I saw this person, I knew who it was. Karma-kun's stepmother Cicely Gray. And someone I was going to kill.

She has been abusing my little student for almost four years already. And today, this would stop.

I had Ritsu collect all data about her and found out some interesting things. For example her previous crimes. That she had come back few days ago. It made sense - the injury Karma-kun wanted to hide, his behaviour! The sight of that woman choking my little student made it clear: I would be the one taking care of her future. If there would be any.

She woke up in midflight, kicking and screaming in panic, unable to comprehend what was going on. I didn't care that she saw me, a state secret or not, she hurt my student. **_She_ _hurt my student!_** I could tell my face was still black with veins popping out because even despite knowing that Karma-kun was fine now, it did not change the fact I wanted to kill this woman.

It would be so easy. To smash her with my tentacles. To let her pay for the trauma she gave the child. I had so many options to make her suffer, oh yes, suffer. Because she wasn't a human, she was a monster. Now, it made me wonder. How many fingers would it take to cut off for her to scream? How many times should she be thrown off a cliff? What kind of blade would hurt more? Dull one? Hot iron? Or the one with huge serrations? Oh and then there was a very interesting method - pouring some molten mixture of metals into her throat!

I could do all of that. I had enough power and freedom to do whatever I wanted. And yet I wouldn't as I wasn't the one who had to take care of her. Only one person in this whole world had the right to decide. And that was Karma himself.

That didn't mean I wouldn't scare her off for a bit (more).

Dropping her to the teacher's office, Irina-sensei and Karasuma-sensei realized who it was and the reason I brought her here.

"Miss Cicely Gray, I assume?" The black-haired man said first, standing up.

 _"Who the fuck are you?! What's this yellow thing?!"_ She hissed in English, eyes wild and pointing at me.

 _"Oh, such a foul mouth you have,"_ Irina-sensei walked towards the woman sitting on the floor, her face cold and unforgiving. She had switched to English too.

 _"Shut the fuck up, bitch. Where am I?! And this disgusting thing - what is it!"_ The American stood up, stepping back and spatting all over.

Our English teacher snapped and kicked Karma-kun's stepmother into stomach, bloodlust taking over: _"What did you call me? Know your place, scumbag."_ And her victim stayed quiet, probably because of the blow making her sick.

Karasuma-sensei sighed, facepalming, but not protesting. He himself wanted to do it but could not as that would be... ungentleman-like.

I approached the woman: _"We are teachers of Akabane Karma, the boy you have been tormenting for the last four years. Now, do you know what we want with you?"_

Her body started shivering. For a while, I thought she was scared and realized her mistake, but when she suddenly started giggling, her face twisting into a mad smile, I cursed myself for believeing for even a while that this person could be human. She was a monster, a cold-blooded witch.

_"Hahahaha! That brat? Oh, is this some kind of circus? Or did he hire you lunatics to threaten me? But he deserved all of that. He's a cursed demon, he can go and die for all I ca-"_

But before she could finish, Irina-sensei punched her face, irritated by her words.

The P.E. teacher took out his notebook on which were the criminal records. He showed them to her, making her haughty immediately disappear, replaced by sheer fury.

_"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THOSE?! I MADE SURE TO EREASE THEM ALL!"_

However, he didn't get affected by her ferocity.

 _"I am a very influential person, madam. This kind of information is very easy for me to come by."_ The japanese man claimed (though it was partialy a lie), his face serious and proffesional.

She snorted a little nervously: _"You can't be that powerful, you aren't internationally known. I can get rid of all of you once I get back."_

This time I just couldn't help myself. My face's colour hasn't changed any bit but more veins popped: _"_ If _you get back, that is."_

She seemed to forget about me.

 _"I am the strongest being in this world. Killing you is as easy for me as to smash a fly."_ And to demonstrate that, I went for all kinds of weapons avaible, swords, guns, grenades, and threw them under her feet. She yelped but that wasn't enough. This time, I took her myself and flew to _that_ cliff, holding her with just one tentacle.

She started screaming, confused about the change of enviroment and the realization she was hanging at least five hundret meters above ground.

"What if I let you go right now? You know, because of you, my little student went through this fall _twice_."

Then, I took off even higher, getting somewhere on the border of troposphere and stratosphere. There was little to no oxygen and I could see her paniced face as no air got into her lungs, freezing to that.

"Or what about I let you suffacate and feel the same thing you did to him? And then throw you down from here? Wouldn't that be fine?"

My voice and expression were scary. I knew it because I have never been this furious and bloodthirsty before. And this time, I let emotions take over.

Seeing that she was on the verge of fainting, I rapidly headed down, jerking her awake and making her throw up on herself. My next destination was the ocean, the particular place where sharks liked to appear.

She shrieked and held on me for the dear life, not wanting to end up there.

"I am the mightiest creature in this world, Cicely Gray. I can kill you, your family and friends under one second and no one would be able to do anything with it. Do you want to die? Do you want me to serve you as their meal this instant?"

She shook his head, face messed up and hysterically crying.

"Touch my student once more, dare to hurt Karma again, and **YOU. ARE** . **DEAD**."

And to make sure she remembered that, I flew ten minutes up and down, from the ground to the troposphere, again and again, suffocating her, making her puke, letting her cry and scream all the time.

She fucking deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I certainly did enjoy this part XD


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am free"

Karma's P.O.V.

There were fuzzy voices interupting my sleep. I wanted to tell them to stop but I would have to wake up to do so. Ah well, I was going to wake up anyway.

"Sh-" I wanted to say shut up but it didn't come out. My throat hurt like hell and it didn't feel like I was going to talk any time soon. Apparently the ones who were talking noticed my being more or less consciouss and they stopped talking.

Opening my eyes, the familiar blue, yellow(s), green and black appeared. For some reason, the too-well known ceiling of our class greeted me together with faces of my classmates washed in worry.

My memory was hazy. What happened? Why was I here? Didn't I go home already? I remember opening the doors, walking through our living room and pissing the whore off. And then-

Now, that's why I couldn't talk!

Fuck.

The fact that they brought me here meant that they knew already.

"-hear us?" It was only now that I realized they were talking to me the whole time. It was Nagisa-kun, his gaze not leaving me even for a while. Now that I looked carefully, he, Okuda-san and even Nakamura had puffy and slightly red eyes. They must have been crying about one or two hours ago which means I must have been out for that long. Damn, this wasn't going to be something I could easily lie about since one - I couldn't talk, two - they already knew it all.

Out of habit, my mouth opened on its own to cover up the shit my oh-so-fucking-dumb self has done. Of course, it just hurt and no sound came. Indeed, an-oh-so-fucking-dumb me.

"Karma?" Nakamura seemed to notice or at least suspect that I might be unable to use my voice. Smart girl."If you can hear us, wink your eyes thrice."

Wink. Wink. Wink.

They exhaled in relief, cracking a smile. Then, Okuda-san asked: "Could it be that his vocal cords are damaged?"

And instead of anyone I saw there, the yellow thing from somewhere behind me answered: "That might be possible."

I didn't have to tilt my head too much to see him since he was walking to me anyway. Koro-sensei was now standing before me, making the five kids step back.

"Don't worry, Karma-kun, you are safe. I assume you won't be able to talk for about a week or two. I checked your body for any signs of serious damage but everything seems more or less okay. So all you need to think about is getting better." He was stroking me again. Fondling my hair, caressing my cheeks, his eyes on my throat which by the way was bandaged (thanks god for that).

For some reason, I felt very ashamed. Probably for the fact that I let them see me in this pathetic state. Either way, bearing the sight of Nagisa-kun's guilty expression, Nakamura's pained one, Kayano and Okuda-san bite their lips in anxiety and Isogai-kun slowly piecing things together, was too much.

What exactly happened? Did the bitch leave after I had passed out and they found me? And where was she anyway?

I tried to sit up and kind of managed with sensei's help though my head and neck hurt as fuck. But damn, I was way too used to this kind of pain to give a shit anymore. Searching through my pockets, it became clear that my phone got lost somewhere. Maybe at floor in that house. Such a bother.

Talking wasn't an option so the only thing left was the classical way: notebook. Mimicking the writing motion, they understood and gave me a notebook together with a pen. I thought for a while - what was I supposed to ask? I didn't even know what all they were aware of, if they saw that whore or if they just found me like this. In the end, I scribbled down the simpliest question:

_What happened?_

They all were hesitant to talk. I could see them thinking of which words to use. However, Isogai-kun took a deep breath and started: "We found you being strangled by your stepmother."

Honest. It really surprised me that they found out so much already. Koro-sensei must have done some research on my and dad's background, finding out her identity and appearance. Then I must have been out cold when they came. There was some real tension in their faces which made me really uncomfortable. Forcing out a smile, I showed them:

_Your grim faces are ugly. I'm totaly fine as you can see._

Nagisa-kun bowed his head in an apologetic-angry way which really confused me. Looking around, everyone did the same, only the black haired male explained:

"You almost died, Karma."

Oh.

Oh.

Well...

But I was still fine?

"You stopped breathing and had it not been for Nakamura-san, you wouldn't be here anymore."

That's why none of them wanted to mention it. They were thinking about those 'if's. If they didn't come. If I died. What would happen them? It's not like I was still so suicidal but that thought didn't bother me too much. What did though was the idea of leaving them behind and hurting them. My friends were guilty over something what was my own fault. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to rewind the time and for once and at last believe in them, rely on them. To show them that this friendship still had some meaning in it.

Koro-sensei poked all of us on the cheek, his face suddenly turning pink: "Oh? I didn't hear about that? Nakamura-san, is it true that you gave Karma-kun a passionate, _mouth to mouth_ resuscitation for _two minutes_?"

He was giving me a chance. I knew because he had emphasized those words just as I would if I wasn't in the position of vilian and victim at the same time.

_Nakamura, how did my lips feel?_

She turned tomato red after reading that, the others as well. Kayano bursted out laughing, hitting the blond's back: "That was your first, wasn't it?"

I grabbed another opportunity:

_Wow, I didn't know you were so head over heels for me._

She got even redder. Everyone was now giggling at the girl's expense and Kayano with Koro-sensei weren't making it any better for her. Actually, they were supporting me.

In the end, the poor Nakamura yelled out words of hatred towards me, her face so flushed I have never thought it would be possible. It seems that only now did she realize that she technically kissed me doing CPR. Not that I minded, she was fine. One of two girls who I woudn't mind kissing.

It was fun seeing them like this - enjoying every moment together. My heart kind of ached but it wasn't the bad ache, more like the nostalgia of the old times when I was a kid. This felt like home. This felt like family. This is where I wanted to be.

_Thank you, everyone._

I wrote it down but didn't show them. Nakamura was scolding and poking Nagisa-kun and Kayano, making Okuda-san worried they would get hurt. Isogai-kun was trying not to laugh his ass off and Koro-sensei got fully immersed into his photomaniac self.

_Thank you for always being here._

A smile formed on my lips and before anyone would peek into the blog, I ripped out the sheet and stuffed it into my pocket. It's not like I was embarrassed or anything. It just felt like something I had to treasure. These words were something I wanted to tell them myself and having them written down reminded me of the fact that I was not alone. That I loved my friends, teachers and this class.

I didn't want to get to this subject, but there was no other way.

_Where is that woman?_

Koro-sensei turned at me and paused for a while, many thoughts going through his mind. Then he sighed and started: "Miss Cicely is currently in a hospital."

What?

_Did you do something to her?_

"Of course no-"

"Yes," Suddenly, Bitch-sensei and Karasuma-sensei stepped in.

"Irina-sensei! Why do you have to ruin my reputation in front of my dear students?!" The yellow octopus cried out, his face getting sweaty.

"It's the truth though. When you returned her, she was half unconsciouss, soaked and frozen, blabbing something about wanting to go to papa. How pathetic." And the teacher curled her nose, making a disgusted face.

"AAAH NO, NO, I MEAN I HAD A TALK WITH HER BUT-"

"If I remember right, you also threatened to kill everyone she knew in front of her very eyes if she ever dared to even lay a finger on your _beloved student_." This time, her voice was slowing down, especially in the end. She was teasing him.

Our assassination target was now drowning in despair and embarrassement, not being able to face any of us. I didn't quite understand why though.

Bitch-sensei looked at me and her expression softened: "I'm saying this to make you feel a bit better, kid."

Then she gave Karasuma-sensei a look and he spoke up: "What we mean to say, that woman won't be troubling you anymore thanks to his... warning. Secondly, she will surely be sent to jail for at least few years. Thirdly, we found out that your father has decided to divorce her a week ago."

I sat there, dumbfounded. What did he just say? Divorce? Did the old geezer finally realize what a slut she was? Or was he just tired of her already? Either way, it explained her surly behaviour and the drinking. Maybe the only reason she returned here was to vent out the anger on me. Ah right, I was her punching bag.

But now, I was free.

"Karma-kun?" Okuda-san called me out, probably because I have been staring at them for too long. I couldn't help it and a big smile formed.

I was free.

For the first time in my whole life, for the very first time in these miserable fifteen years, I gratefully let those tears fall. They weren't those of sadness. They didn't feel like fire on skin.

These tears meant one thing.

_I am free._


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I read your comments and I am so very glad that you like this story. Firstly it's awesome that I am able to help some of you just by writing - that you can relate, that it helps you unwind. It's truly a reward for me, you might not believe me, but it truly is a wonderful feeling to know I helped.
> 
> This chapter is the last. The 36th chapter is a sequel which will come tomorrow :)
> 
> Thank you for being wonderful readers and sticking to the end.

Karma's P.O.V.

They brought me to the hospital to be sure I was really okay. The doc made me stay for two or three days for observation and it was such a pain to do nothing at all. The only thing left for me to kill the time was read books from here.

By now, I have finished seven of them.

Suddenly, someone knocked at my doors. It was probably Nagisa-kun, Nakamura and others. They usually visited at this hour, after school.

"Come in," I managed to get out. My vocal cords were more or less healed (I could talk a bit now) and just by the way, the concussion got better too. Thanks god.

As the doors opened, a stranger came in. It was a middle-aged man in suit with a single case in his right hand. His forehead was wrinkled, probably by stress from work and the chaotical hairdo and rather uneven breathing indicated that he had run at some point. And the probably most important thing-

He was my father.

Despite not seeing him for years, it was easy to recognize him.

I frowned, putting the eight book down. My eyes pierced through his soul, trying to find the reason _why the fuck he was here_. The man did not utter a single word, just closed the doors and slowly approached me, sittind down on a chair nearby.

"Hi," was the first thing he said.

_Hi my ass._

"What do you want?" I cut him off sharply, not giving him any openings. This man was not my family. He was someone who abandoned me. An enemy.

My voice seemed to surprise him. Ah right, the last time he heard me was probably eight years ago when I was still a kid. Even more of a reason and reminder that the man before me meant nothing at all.

"As soon as I... found out what has happened, I came back from America to... to visit."

Ahaha.

What?

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to get out of the bed, kick him, beat the shit out of him, _**kill him**_. I'm sure I would have if the IV drop wasn't blocking my way. For some reason, those words really, really, _really_ pissed me off. No, they enraged me. Such horrible lies. If he cared about me, wouldn't he have come back like years ago?!

I hated him. He was someone I resented even more than that whore of his.

"Go away," the fury and hatred were obvious from my tone. My jaws and fists hurt from the clench as for not losing cool before my foe. No need to provide him with any more weaknesses.

"I know you are angry, but lis-"

"Go away."

"Listen to me,"

"GO AWAY!" I threw the book at him without a second thought. Just a bit later, I regreted doing so - I forgot to look at which page I was.

My voice was raspy, breathing rapid and face probably completly flushed. This was bad, I couldn't be like this. I had to be cold, to maintain the facade. And yet I couldn't. Not after seeing him for the first time in who knows how long. Not after seeing his face which looked genuinely worried. Or hearing his sweet words which surely just wanted to hurt me again.

No way I was going to let that happen.

"Karma, scream at me, throw things at me, do whatever you want. I know I deserve it and am ready to accept the punishment," The man stood up and bowed down, leaving himself completly defenseless.

I could stab him. I could punch him, hit him with a pole or another book. There were so many options to hurt him, to let him feel at least a fraction of _my_ pain. It was so easy.

So why couldn't I move?

He spoke up again: "I have been running away from you and your mom. In America, I searched for any way possible to forget you and then met Cicely. Clinging to her, I thought I would be happy again. Even when your mother died, I tried to convince myself that this was what I wanted. That it was my wish. But it wasn't."

Shut up.

"I realized that the argument we had was meaningless. That we could be happy if I wasn't such a selfish person. And it became so hard to face you or to return to that house which I left behind. What would I say? Would a simple sorry be enough? Of course not."

_Shut up._

"Karma, returning to you after all my mistakes was just too painful for me to bear."

_Painful?_

"I am a coward who ran away."

_You call that painful?!_

"I blindly kept trusting Cicely because she was the only one who would stay by my side. Never would I even think of what she had been doing to you. She said that she was taking a good care of you so I did not return, believing in her words."

Lies.

**Lies. ** **Lies.** **Lies. ** **Lies. ** **Lies.** **Lies. ** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies. ** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies. ** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies.** **Lies. ** **Lies.** **Lies.**

_He was just a liar._

"But when your teacher told me about your condition, about how much you went through, how badly you suffered, my heart almost stopped. After making so many mistakes, after having hurt you before already, I did it again. I am so sorry."

The man was still keeping his head down. I could silence him. Everything he said were just bluffs, complete nonsense. Even the frustration and regret in the words were just a pretense. He did not care. He did not love. He was a monster.

"I am truly so sorry!"

**Enough.**

Getring rid of the IV, I jumped out of the bed, landing a punch on his cheek. The old geezer fell down but did not stand up. He finally revealed those eyes which-

-were crying.

"I deserve it. Go on, let it out."

He was giving in. He was at my mercy, accepting the fact that I was dying to kill him.

I gritted my teeth. I wanted to tell him so many things. How much of an asshole he was. How much I wished to pierce him into pieces, cut off his fingers, stab him to death. How much of a traitor he was. My whole existence desired to spit out words of pure wrath. But instead, a completly different thing happened.

"You left me!" It was a desperate cry. "You broke our family, you broke the place we called home! It's all your fault and yet you dare to ask for forgiveness?!"

He widened his eyes in shock.

"Everything could be different if you weren't a fucktard! She would still be alive! I wouldn't be suicidal! I wouldn't have to struggle every day to survive!"

I was hitting him. My arms were still weak but I did my best to make it hurt.

"And now you are standing here, saying how goddamn fucking sorry you are and accepting the blame, confessing yourself to me?! Telling me that you actually loved both of us?! What am I supposed to do? Tell me what in the hell am I supposed to do?! Shrug it off, say "okay" and be all happy go lucky again?! Because it's not fucking _okay_!"

My legs gave up and I fell to the ground, still sending hits on the man's chest.

" _It is not okay!_ " I repeated as if everything I felt was in those four words. "I'm not okay,"

He took whatever was left of me and pulled it into a hug which made my whole body scream in disgust.

"Let go of me."

Gently, silently, he whispered: "I'm sorry"

Again and again.

Sorry for not being here.

Sorry for not being honest.

Sorry for not giving you love.

Sorry for being a coward.

Sorry for leaving you alone.

Sorry for not protecting you.

Sorry for not being the father you needed.

* * *

...

Today I was discharged. After the unexpected meeting yesterday, I got determined to do something before completly throwing away the old, thorny past.

Just a moment ago, I stood before Koro-sensei, Bitch-sensei and Karasuma-sensei, requesting a very strange, dumb and yet important thing. Of course Nakamura and Nagisa were there too, strongly disagreeing, but I took no notice to their words. In the end, I got the permission.

"I know you guys said hospital but... I didn't know you meant the _mental_ hospital," Having been lead to a psychiatry and standing in front of the doors to the building, confusion washed over me.

"Miss Cicely has never had a healthy mind in my opinion and it seems the small warning became the last straw," Koro-sensei in disguise tried to make it appear a little less bad than it was.

Bitch-sensei just crossed her arms: "Basically, she completly lost it. Tch, that filthy scumbag deserved more than that."

Her words made me internally laugh.

My two classmates however weren't in the mood to talk. They were staring at the ground with a slight frown, thinking of the best way to persuade me to go back home.

"Karma-kun, are you sure you want to go there?" Nagisa-kun pulled my sleeve, sending me a worried look. Nakamura didn't say a thing but I could see in her eyes that she would love to lock me in the classroom, far away from the psycho stepmother.

"No," sheepisly, I confessed. His hold got stronger, "but I will. I need to get done with this."

And he let go with a single nod.

I turned at the blond: "Nakamura, don't make that face. It's not like she can harm me now."

She snorted, a grin forming: "It's not like I'm worried about you. I'm just afraid I might kill her as soon as I spot her."

Hah, such a bad lie. Obviously, all she was thinking of right now was me. Considering how perfect I am, it's only understandable.

"Well then, let's go," The yellow octopus said and we entered.

My old geezer's ex-slut was in room 064. I took a deep breath in and pushed the doors, revealing a woman sitting on her bed and biting her nails.

"Hi there, bitch," It was hard to curve the lips into a smile with all the experience still freshly in my memory.

She noticed our presence only then and as soon as she did, her face changed into into excitement when she spotted me.

Abruptly standing up and running towards me, she pulled my blazer and her unfocused gaze met with mine. I could see her desire to hurt me, to steal my dignity and to relief herself from the madness. Both Nakamura and Nagisa-kun were ready to step in but I motioned them to let me deal with it. After all, that was the purpose of my visit.

To graduate from being helpless.

"I am no longer your puppet," firmly, I declared, freeing myself from her hold.

"What are you talking about? Karma, don't you see?" The lunatic had no intention of being brushed off that easily, "I am your mama, your goddess! Without me, you are nothing! Nothing but a worthless brat, a cursed child!"

This time, I said it louder: "I found the reason to live, the people I love and who love me. You have no control over my life anymore and from now on, I am not going to loose sight of what really matters."

The light hair covered half of her face, making her look twice as crazy as she already did: "No, no, no! That can't be! You should be hurting! You know you deserve pain and-"

Before I could even say anything, all four of those who were with me pulled me away from her and Bitch-sensei twisted her hands, Nakamura landing a blow which made her collapse to the ground. Koro-sensei threw off his disguise and as soon as woman noticed, she screamed in horror, recalling whatever it was that sensei did to her, and started crying and slobbering.

She pathetically begged him not to kill her, making a ruckus and hysterically hitting the floor.

"I thought that I would want to beat you till you turned blue. To massacre you. I thought that I would hate you for the rest of my life," I started, looking down on the person. "But just seeing you like this, realizing what a meaningless, awful life you have and will lead, fills me with sheer pity."

Her ugly face widened in shock but I left no space for her to say more. Leaving her room, we made our way out of the building, outside, where fresh air washed away the unwanted memories.

"You okay?" Nakamura asked a little worried.

I stopped in my tracks and turned at my friends which suprised them. Smoothly, without a single hesitance, I wrapped my arms around the two of them, letting my head fall on their shoulder.

And finally, after so many painful years, I smiled for real and truthfully answered:

"Yes, I am okay."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to "You never knew me and neither did I"  
> The story takes place about a month and half after Karma's sufferring (supposedly) stopped. Of course, suicidiality and depression doesn't just go away, people don't just start trusting because one good thing happened in their screwed up life. It's hard to return back to normal life, to be happy again, but I want to show you guys that it is possible.  
> This chapter and story for that matter is a proof of that. I hope you all stay safe, happy and keep fighting.  
> I myself am trying. You should too.

**And yet - you are my everything, just as I am yours.**

"Karma, wake up."

The voice belonged to my mother. For some reason, she knocked at my doors to call me. I tiredly opened my eyes to see the time. Half past seven. Damn, I was late. Seems like staying up to three a.m. wasn't the best idea ever.

"I'm up," sluggishly standing up, I took on the school uniform. Mom just silently walked down the stairs.

Today, she seemed unusually happy. Or more like determined. She made me a breakfast and actually even giggled when I thanked her. Her eyes had something in them - a light? Maybe she finally found someone or something she was interested in. Good, since she had had enough of this horrible life. Of her useless son who did nothing but caused her pain.

"You look well," I remarked, taking a bite of toast. When I looked at her, for a second it felt as though I did something wrong. As if I hurt her again. I thought I saw something break underneath those eyes, killing the hope and happiness left. But it happened so quickly I was pretty sure it was only my imagination. With a bright smile, she smiled and nodded, giving me a glass of orange juice.

Indeed, today she was happy.

Well, why wouldn't she?

_It was the day she committed suicide after all._

* * *

I shot up from my bed, drenched in sweat.

It happened again. Ever since my father moved in, the nightmares, _memories_ of that time returned. The time when they started fighting, when he disappeared into America, when mom suffered alone and put on masks in front of me. And then when he left me with his bitchy ex-wife. Everything returned and it wouldn't let me have a proper good night sleep.

My head was fuzzy but it soon cleared after registring the pain in my lungs. I was breathing too rapidly again. I needed to calm down or I would get dizzy from the hyperventilation.

The clocks showed only 4:48 a.m. so I had more than two and half an hour before having to leave for school. There was no way I was getting any more sleep though, that much was obvious. But at least I wouldn't kill the time by doing nothing at all.

Koro-sensei and the others celebrated that I finally got rid of that whore. Nagisa-kun and Nakamura bought me lots of books (about 25 of them, you wouldn't be able to imagine how big the present box was) because they noticed how (allegedly) much of a bookworm I am. Honestly, I wasn't, I just had lots of free time and few ways to spend it.

Getting my butt to the desk, I opened the one I was currently reading (eleventh) and immersed into the literature.

Stories were beautiful. They showed us things that we always saw but never realized. Like feelings. Or our own thoughts. Thanks to them, everything disappeared and got replaced by the adventurous world where the main characters struggled, experienced all kinds of hardships and yet stayed strong. It was a motivation. But sometimes, it was a reminder that we are weak.

A good hour or two passed when I noticed the sun has finally started showing up. It was still winter - a month and half after I tried killing myself, a month after they helped me. Outside, white layers of snow covered the whole town and I stared out of the window, taking the scenery in.

So pure. So soothing.

Maybe I could make a snowman with class E.

Talking of the class, I missed them. I haven't seen them in only two days since it was weekend but even then, I missed them. Also, the things were still somewhat awkward at home between me and the old geezer. He tried his best but honestly, it was hard to forgive him or to call him "dad".

06:55

I could go out by now. After brushing teeth and dressing up, I went downstairs. Since it was cold, a single blazer surely wouldn't be enough so I added a winter jacket with scarf.

"Why are you up so early?" To my surprise a man sat in the kitchen, sipping on his cofee and eyeing me, taken aback.

Shrugging off the fact that he was up early too, I answered: "Dunno, just thought I would go enjoy the snow while I can."

And he nodded, standing up and heading towards the fridge. I knew what he was going to do so I stopped him in advance: "I'm not hugry today so let it be."

"You sure? According to your teacher-"

"Don't worry, he will surely stuff something into me anyway."

Confused? Me too. Kind of.

So to explain: After lots of shit, I agreed to go to the doctor with Koro-sensei in disguise. They took my blood to run some tests, measured my heart pressure, checked eyes, head coz of the injuries, etc, and last but not least, weighed me.

The results? As expected, I'm anemic, a bit low blood pressure, eyes all fine, head more or less too. What however made my teacher plug his fake hair out was the fact that I was 53 kilos at 175 (which by the way is a normal weight of some models so I see no problem whatsoever). Anyway, he said it was way too little and therefore makes me eat every fucking time he has the chance to do so. Damn, it was insulting - in my opinion, being a fifteen years old guy, I could take care of my meals just fine.

Maybe.

Either way, no matter how many times I tried talking out of it, it was futile. Every hour, he cooked snacks and made me digest them. So even if I skipped breakfasts or dinners at homes, I never ate less then four times a day. And seeing that it was working out well (gained 2 kilos in just one and half month), he happily carried on.

Fuck that octopus. I wasn't a kid.

But today, I really wasn't hungry.

My stomach was getting upset because of the restless and stressful night. This time, the nightmare took place that day when I saw my mother for the last time. It was only now that I noticed some things I hadn't before.

Like the pen and paper she had on a desk on breakfast. The one that had a small _Sorry. Goodbye._ written in it later on. Or as I didn't dare to suspect that time - her mood that seemed like cheerfulness but actually meant resignation. She no longer cared, she no longer hoped, she just went with the flow and decided to end it all. Yes, that's the reason she seemed so untroubled - everything would be going to get better soon. And it did - for her.

And I realized that the words "You look well" which I told her hurt her the most of everything I have ever done. Because it meant that I accepted her fake self and ignored, never admitted that she felt depressed and desperate. It meant that I failed to help or at least encourage her. That's why that _something_ in her broke. I broke it. I broke my mother.

Cold. The snow was cold and yet I lied on it, far away from our house. I haven't got rid of the he bit of spacing out. To be frank, there's little chance that I ever would. It wasn't easy to resist the urge to withdraw into my own world and forget, numb everything else.

Talking of numb, I couldn't feel my arms and legs. It was only now that I realized my clothes were already soaked and frozen by the snow... and that was pretty bad, considering that I had about twenty minutes to the start of first period and if I went home to change, I would be late. Which by the way was unthinkable since Koro-sensei and Nagisa-kun would make a fuss about it.

So yeah, why not take a three kilometers walk up a mountain with frozen pants and jacket in -5 degrees Celsius?

...

That was a rhetorical question.

And yet when I arrived to the classroom, I got an answer.

_Because I **don't** want to be undressed by my teacher in front of the whole class._

"Karma-kun?! Why are your clothes wet?!" The yellow octopus's face changed into blue in shock as he spotted my dripping self entering.

Nakamura widened her eyes, touching my cheek and immediately pulling away: "Damn, you are going to turn into ice!"

Terasaka snorted, looking very amused: "He has probably being fooling around in the snow too much or something."

I grinned, giving off a murderous aura. He shut up.

"Either way, we can't leave you like this. You are going to catch a cold," the motherly Nagisa-kun sighed, turning at Koro-sensei to find a solution.

The green and yellow strips were enough of a bad sign. And then when he pulled out a brand-new school uniform, I dashed away from the room right away.

Unfortunately, he was quicker. In a second, he stopped me, _undressed me, changed me into a shirt, school jacket and pants_ and then tied my hair into a fontain, securing it with a fucking bow.

"Cute," Nakamura had her phone out, probably hundrets of pictures already taken, dazzled by the sight.

I swear I saw Koro-sensei, Meahara-kun (WHY?!) and some girls blush.

"Never thought I would see Karma in a uniform." That was Sugino-kun, his face screaming _pure gold_.

And everyone madly nodded, making me feel so embarrassed I promised myself to never ever lie in the snow before class. **Never again.**

Well but at least the scene spare me an explanation as for how that happened. Today I felt like shit. The stomach ache (though bearable) already kicked in. But what troubled me the most was the fact that I wasn't able to focus. I would find myself thinking of " _why_ "s and " _if only_ "s every time my mind wandered off somewhere else but lessons or my friends.

Damn, I just had to have that dream today, right? Why not yesterday?! There would be enough of time to cope that way.

Suddenly, something really warm found its way into my mouth. Confused, I jerked my body and mind awake to realize that the yellow octopus walked to my desk with a dish full of steamed buns? Well it was a break so he probably had enough of time to cook it.

"○↕%&‼◙╣#¶§↨&↑↓→!" I tried to curse but the bun kind of disabled my tongue.

Sensei nurufufufu-ed but his face soon softened: "It looks like you haven't had a breakfast yet. Also, you are a bit pale, are you still cold? Sensei can make fire and warm-"

Gulping the food, I stopped his rant, tired of it: "Sensei, you just dropped half of the dish to the ground."

"No? I didn-" and before he could even finish that, my hands pushed the tray of his tentacles.

"Yes, you did."

It was fast and merciless, I knew, but I just couldn't help it. My body was urging me to do something. Violence, fight, _relief._ Yes, I needed to relieve those bottled feelings, the past which was still haunting me. Maybe I still was really cold - from the inside, that is.

It seems like he wasn't able to even react or pick the buns up in the air from the shock, being easily flustered and all. Such a pity, they were good. For a while, the teacher only stood there with face blank, trying to process what has just happened but reaching the 'error' phase.

When he realized that his effort has gone in vane, he started crying: "KARMA-KUN?! WHY DID YOU DID THAT?! AFTER ALL MY LOVE AND CARE POURED INTO IT, HOW COULD YOU?!"

And he have pouted and cried for the entire period after.

"Sensei, are you going to teach us today?" Kayano-chan asked, her chin supported by hand. Apparently she was bored, the same was with the whole class. Some of the kids were eyeing me, maybe annoyed, but enjoying it nonetheless.

The octopus however could still be seen punching the walls with gloomy aura all around, nowhere near being capable of snap out of it.

Maybe I overdid it.

"Hey, Karma, was that really necessary? You know he was just trying to be nice," Nakamura sighed, laying on the desk and looking at me with those blue eyes of hers.

"Ah so?" I asked with an innocent smile even though inside, guilt was slowly burning me.

I know it was inconsiderate of me. No, ungrateful. They were just trying to help me. They were just being the good ones and here I was, taking it all on them. They wanted to help. And even though I knew that they could, for some reason, I push them away. Again. Haven't I learned my lesson yet?

Why was it so hard to be a good person?

Or could it be that... I just wasn't meant to be good?

That I have always been and always will be the _destroyer_? Of lives, love, friendship, trust, future, kindness.

I destroyed them all. Always.

"Shut up," unknown to myself, I muttered to stop the negative thoughts. This was no good, I haven't been freed from the abusive woman and hostile home only to get depressed again. I should be grateful. I have wonderful friends, wonderful teachers, a father who tries to improve our relationship. Peaceful home. No bruises or injuries whatsoever.

I have nothing to complain about.

I have no right to complain.

"Karma-kun?" Nagisa-kun was at my seat which I realized only now, hovering over me.

"Are you alright?"

Damn, I'm causing them trouble again.

"Yeah, sorry. It's just... some unpretty things popped in my head." I was honest. Unlike before, I stopped lying to them as in the end, they would be hurt. Thinking that they weren't worth my trust. Damn, _I_ wasn't worth _theirs_. And yet they believed in me.

I saw some girls poking into Koro-sensei who started lightening up a bit. At least he wasn't that sad anymore.

"Unpretty?" The bluenette was concerned. Easy to tell - the eyes, the frown, the way his voice came out. Sheer concern. Which by the way now spread to Nakamura and Isogai-kun as well.

"I'm not having the best day yet, it's just that I remembered something. But you know, it's nothing worth worrying about." I reassured him with a weak smile because the stomach pain was getting worse to the point I was lying on the desk. As much as that was stupid, I still hated being seen as weak.

"We are always here to talk you know,"

I grinned. Of course I knew.

Now then, time to settle things with a certain two meters tall jello thing with seven tentacles. Standing up, I took a knife and swinged it at him. Barely dodging, he panicked: "Karma-kun?!"

"Ah sorry, maybe I should go a bit easier on you, you know, being the scaredy cat wimp and all." The mocking tone have always been convinient when taunting my enemy (in this case a pouting octopus). It made the oponent's blood boil and completly focus on my words and attitude.

It worked this time too. Sensei's veins popped, giving me a glare while crying, but soon the classmates sided with me and he got so embarrassed and nervous that the gloominess from before dissipated.

"Well then, if you excuse me. I ran out of juice. I shall buy some." before the start of English, fourth lesson, I stood up and casually walked out of the room. Bitch-sensei would surely bitch about it (excuse the pun) for the entire period which kind of made my mood, imagining her swearing in english and no one in class understanding her.

She usually did that.

Ah, the sweet taste of strawberries. I was chilling on the roof, the ether above my head and everything else far away from my mind. Soothing. Calming.

I needed time for myself. Just to, like,... sort things out. Maybe it was childish and awkward to dwell on nightmares and all but still, they hurt. They stang quite a lot and they just wouldn't let me be. And besides, catching up to sleep couldn't have been such a bad idea either.

But of course it was.

"It's your fault, Karma." There she lied, in the river, face white as sheet, eyes dead, and yet staring into me as though her stare could kill. Maybe it could. And yet the body stayed motionless, life long gone. The water was swallowing her whole body but her messy face twisted in hatred was very well visible, reminding me of the sin I have commited.

"If you haven't been so imcompetent. If you had helped me, supported me, if you had been a son I desired, it would have been different."

I was twelve again. There were people sitting behind me and I was wearing a black suit with cravat, standing on a stair which lead to a large white coffin. I was looking at her lifeless body, so peaceful it made me realize just how beautiful she was when all the worry and despair left her. How beautiful my mother was. And I just lost her.

My hands were holding a single white rose. It felt right to give it to her - as a goodbye, as a gift, as an apology, as a punishment for myself.

Then, the pale cold fingers grabbed my wrist and pulled me in.

"You deserve it." It was the voice of both my mother and that whore.

Dark. I couldn't see a thing but felt an icy skin on mine and frames which restrained my movement. I tried screaming, hitting the walls or whatever it was, but to no avail.

The voice and me were closed inside the coffin and I could hear the people throwing clay on us. Burying us. One minute. Two minutes. Five minutes. One hour. I yelled, but soon realized why there was no sound.

"You deserve it." The mixture of both womans hissed, nails digging into my skin and bruising my throat. I couldn't breath. I couldn't see. I couldn't do anything at all, just suffer for their sake.

"Do you know how I felt now?" My mother's dazzling face hanged over mine, still strangling me. There was no darkness anymore. Instead, a white nothingness which made her figure and expression even more clear and recognizable. Tears fell on my cheeks and I felt them mixing with mine.

I wanted to hold her. Take her into my arms, say sorry, say that I have always loved. To tell her not to leave.

I stabbed her.

Out of nowhere, a knife formed in my hand and I mindlessly jabbed it into her stomach. Not knowing how and why. I didn't want to. I didn't mean to. And even though it was her who was injured, the wound hurt me.

I stabbed her again.

And again.

And again.

Bloody mess on the dround, my hands, my legs, my clothes. They were all stained red.

I cried.

But mom smiled.

"Because... isn't this what you have always been doing to me?"

And with a last blow, _I pierced her heart._

* * *

If I haven't been awake by now, I would have probably hit the ground real hard from falling off the roof and got myself another concusion. But the fall wasn't comforable either. My whole body was shaking, hands so weak I barely managed to get myself of the ground. But as soon as I did, I collapsed down.

Wonderful, I just got the second attire wet.

It hurt to breath. As though mom was still on top and blocking the airways. My vision so blurry that it felt as though I got blinded with void surrounding me. Like the dead confined in a coffin. White, black, it was hard to see the the difference, it was hard to see the reality. The sensation of snow reminded me of the touch of her corpse.

I was scared. I don't know what had happened, maybe I just silently wheezed or maybe screamed like mad, I have no idea at all. My whole body was paralyzed and mind hazy.

Suddenly, something warm wrapped around me. I couldn't see it but the words found their way to my ears.

"Calm down,"

I remembered now. The warmth of friendship, of care and love. This was my teacher and the ones holding my hand were my friends.

My eyes were closed and yet it was easy to say who was there. Nakamura on my left, her gentle hand holding mine, Nagisa-kun on the right, his firm grip securing me. Koro-sensei under me, having me lie on his lap and fondling my hair.

"We are here," they said it together. So affectionately, so truthfully.

The fear left me. My head cleared up a little and body loosened up. It was warm. And that's all I needed at this time.

"Hello, sleeping beauty." Nakamura remarked as soon as I dared to see the world again. It wasn't so ugly.

There was worry written all over their faces but they let me take a breath before demanding an explanation.

"Can you sit up?" Nagisa-kun asked considerately.

I nodded but had to use their help anyway. Koro-sensei in the end decided to take me himself since I would "freeze to death before getting inside". Not that he wasn't right. I felt the hypothermia coming. Though it would be less disturbing if he hadn't been holding me like a princess.

Judging from the fact that the whole class was all chattery and that they took me straight to the offce, it was probably lunch time. As soon as they placed me on the oh so familiar couch and got a me a heater and blanket, they started with the interrogation: "What's wrong?"

The fierce determined eyes - how could I resist them? The answer was easy: I couldn't.

I decided that this fight wasn't goint to end well if I were to take it on myself. But it was so hard to talk about my own problems. Didn't I say? I had a good life ahead, why did I dare to complain?

"It's okay not to be okay, Karma. That's why you have us." The blond declared, her words genuine and kind.

Hearing her say that, it made me gather some courage. It's okay not to be okay, she said. It's okay to be weak, she meant? Or to rely on others? But anyway, what did it matter, being weak or relying? Wasn't it them that I promised to protect and cherish?

Inhaling, I briefly explained: "I have been having nightmares. Is all."

They tried imagining what exactly the nightmares could be about. In my opinion, they weren't that far but not quite there either.

"Is that why you are so tired lately?" Koro-sensei wondered, giving me a hot chocolate. This time I accepted gratefully.

Well, seems like I really failed at reassuring them: "You noticed?"

"Of course! Why do you think I have been doing so much food all the time? Food is the cure! Food is justice!"

I stared in surprise, trying to remember the last weeks. Fuzzy. Actually, I couldn't recall what I have been even doing yesterday, not to mention the others. It was frustrating, scary. How come I never noticed that there was something wrong with me? Was I really that dense?

My gaze wandered off to the surface of the chocolate. I saw my miserable self, once again, reflected on the surface. The grim face and tired eyes which I have been so sick of. That was me.

"I think I need help." defeated, I whispered. It's not like I had any other option though - they would find their way to my heart anyway.

And they did.

Or rather, they forced themselves into my house.

"Karma? Who are they?" The old geezer asked as I opened the doors to reveal a certain blond and bluenette behind me. Koro-sensei went along too but he decided not to show up in front of my father and to get in by the window.

"Friends," I simply answered while taking off my shoes. Even though an hour has already passed, my limbs still felt shaky. I'm sure that the two of them knew but they said nothing and thankfully my father didn't have enough of courage to look at me when I was staring at him.

"Hello," Nagisa-kun and Nakamura greeted with a bow.

The man nodded and turned at me: "Are you hungry? I just made-"

But I really wasn't in the mood to deal with him.

"No, thanks." and I dashed away, leaving him all to himself, face twisted in sorrow. My friends seemed hesitant to turn away but I was already in my room so whatever it was that they told him, I did not hear it.

After three knocks but no reply, they opened the doors. My body felt heavy so if I haven't lied down on my bed, I would probably hit he floor face first again. And I did not wish to clean off blood stains again. Though I could have found a better position, this way I was almost suffocating myself (lying on the aching stomach wasn't most comfortable either).

They approached me and the girl started playing with my hair: "Karma, don't be so mean to your father,"

Weird that it came from her. Wasn't it her and Nagisa-kun who swore to never let anyone who hurt me near? Maybe it wasn't really that man who hurt me but he was the cause of all this shit happening.

Or was I blaming everything on others again?

My stomach hurt.

"Karma-kun?"

I ignored them, eyes shut and doing my best to withstand the spasm burning my abdomen. This has occured many times before and I knew it was from stress but it's not like I could do anything with it. Just withstand it. Bite my lips, taste the blood and wait until the pain either knocks me out or stops.

My bed suddenly deformed as someone else decided to hop in. The two of them were lying on my sides, Nakamura on the edge, Nagisa by the wall and me in the middle. I didn't have the strenght to mock them for doing it and I didn't even want to because they wrapped their hands around me and it felt so reassuring, so safe and soothing that it made my whole body relax. Even the agony from before disappeared and slowly gave in to the embrace that lulled me to sleep.

"Don't worry, Karma-kun. We will always be by your side." Nagisa-kun's voice resonated in my head, forcing the negative feelings and thoughts away.

"We're friends, right? Trust us. We will protect you, just like you always did." Nakamura chuckled, her voice a little embarrassed.

It was so nice. And yet, my answer was obvious: "I don't deserve it."

They both took my hands with no intention of letting go. It felt as though they were at war with me, war which would decide if I'm worth them or not. The only war out there that was meant to save: "You deserve all the love,"

Do I? Why was it that with those words, as if everything fell off my shoulders? Why did these words get adressed to me, of all people?

"None of what had happened is your fault. You are the victim. And you have the right to be helped, to be happy."

They were still here. My dear precious friends, the reason to live. I still had them.

"Be happy,"

And those were the last words I heard before departing to the dreamland. At last, I knew that this time, there would be no corpses and no death, blaming the misery on me.

* * *

I woke up to a _click_ of camera. Immediately knowing what it meant, I shot my eyes open to see a certain yellow octopus taking photos of me, Nakamura and Nagisa-kun sleeping in the same bed.

Fuck.

Did this all really happen?

Did they have no shame at all?!

"SENSEI!" I threw a pillow at him but the thing already flew away.

He was now standing by the doors, his face completly pink: "So cute~"

The two idiots stirred and soon woke up as well, confused about all the commotion. The second they however spotted our pink teacher with the device in his hands, they emitted a murderous aura and followed my example, throwing everything by hand at him.

"DIE! DIE! STUPID OCTOPUS!" Both me and Nakamura yelled while Nagisa-kun already calmed down a little and did his best to stop us before we would damage anything.

I noticed it was already dawn. The outside was colored in orange, traces of the soon-gone daylight still reflected in the snow and making it shine brightly, resembling diamonds. My clocks showed only 17:09 but taking into account that it was winter, it wouldn't take long before the stars would come out.

"You guys should probably go now," I sighed and got up from the bed, feeling refreshed for the first time in who knows how long.

The two of them glanced at the time and made a grimace. Apparently they didn't want to leave me alone but I was fine now, thanks to them. So I gave them a smile: "I'm okay, I promise."

Maybe I wasn't convincing enough because they frowned a bit, eyeing me from head to toes, searching for anything that would say otherwise. They did not find it.

"I have been blaming myself for my mother's death and no matter how much I tried, the feeling never left." I started, looking down and playing with the hem of my shirt. "What if I have been more considerate? What if I had talked to her every day instead of hiding in my room and making her struggle on her own? Why haven't I helped when I could?"

Even though it hurt, I carried on talking.

"I know that it's useless to dwell on past but it won't let me go. It won't stop reminding me of my mistakes."

There were tears in my eyes and I tried fighting them back. They fell anyway.

"It's painful because I never wanted to admit it. The truth is... I want her back. I want my family back."

They stayed quiet. They were giving me the opportunity to let everything out.

Doing my best to stop the current of tears, I decided to look into their eyes and show them that my words were no longer lies. That what I told them before was truth.

"But now, I have you. I have a mother-hen teacher, caring and loyal friends who see me as someone worth of life. I have class E which always helps each other, a place to belong. That's why, now,... I am alright."

The two kids rubbed their eyes, probably moved by my words. They laughed and jumped at me, making us fall on the bed. They hugged me and poked my cheeks and Koro-sensei took us all into his tentacles so in the end, we resembled a big uneven ball. We stayed like that for half an hour, appreciating each other's presence.

But time flew and it was already dark, my friends had to go home. Sensei disappeared through the window, just like he came in. Unwillingly leaving, they sent me grins and waved before their figures got lost in afar. Closing the door, I turned around and headed to the kitchen. I was determined - no more hiding. No more mistakes, lost opportunities or cowardice. I had no intention of regretting my actions anymore.

"Karma? What are you-" he didn't even manage to complete the sentece from the shock when I took out two bowls and pairs of chopsticks.

"I'm hungry," my face was burning but I hid it by keeping my head low. But still, I could see his delighted face. The old geezer was about to cry, he sniffed and without hesitation threw his arms around me. That took me aback as I wasn't able to do anything else but widen my eyes and stay in the oh so passionate and strong hold.

"Karma," he chanted again and again, as if I would vanish into thin air any time. His shoulders were covering half of my face, him being about ten centimeters taller than me. However, this time he was the smaller one as he let his head fall on me.

"Thank you so much," he whispered gratefully. I know what it meant. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for giving me another you for accepting me. Thank you for moving on. Thank you for being able to free yourself from the past.

I did not break away. I finally had my father's love. I finally had my family back.

"Stupid _dad_ ," I said and with that, the stream of tears got stronger. Both him and me were dying to hear that word for so long. Dad. I had a dad. He was my dad. Once again.

My shirt was getting wet but I said nothing. This time, I would let it slide. His pathetic behaviour, his mistakes from past. Koro-sensei's inappropriate timing and photos, Nakamura's shamelessness, Nagisa-kun's stubborness. I would let it all slide. Because in the end, it was them and their nature that created our memories. It was their loudness that shooed away my dark intentions.

They were my reason to fight.

My reason to stay.

To live.

They were my everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the ending, guys. I want to thank you again for sticking to it and for your kind comments :)
> 
> Also, I have new fanfictions that are also Karma-centric, though this time, I included Asano in it. I might be weird, but I absolutely ship them. If you want to, you can try them out, I will be uploading them very soon.
> 
> The first of them is called "Sincerly, the stranger you call brother" where Karma and Asano are siblings. It's mostly fluff and angst, like I so love to write, but also humour, action and family stuff. No pairing.  
>  Here is the brief official description: Karma knows one thing. Having an older sibling is no fun. But if that older sibling is actually a genius, school's idol, the student council president and secretly a mother hen, things could get hilarious. Especially if no one knew. Or rather, only if no one knew. Because if anyone was to find out they were anything more than schoolmates, everything would break.
> 
> The second has a pairing Fem!Karma x Asano - humour, romance, fluff, I enjoy this one a lot because it's not that angsty and I write it with my sassy style XD  
>  Description: Asano hates Akabane and Akabane hates Asano. Or not really. This is the story of how they happily kill each other every day and fall in love in process. Oh, the chairman ships it, Asano is a dork, Karma is savage and this was supposed to be a one shot but eh... too many ideas... too much shipping material...
> 
> So if you are interested, you can either read it on fanfic net or wait until I upload it here :)  
> What I however want to tell you the most right now is,  
> I love you guys.   
> Bye.


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